transcend

Last night i accidently left my cd player going all night, on repeat, playing Reuben Morgan's 'Heaven'. That song has the ability to take me anywhere. Transcends my circumstances or how i feel. It is really awesome, and it really helps me to connect with God and have alone time with him. If you go here and click on "listen now" and then "heaven", you can listen to it for yourself!!

Call me out :)

Okay... Next things i want to ramble on about :)
Last night! w00t! awesome night :)
I'm so big at the moment on the little things God does. He does so many little things in my life that just blow me away... Man, God. is. aMAZing.
Last night we had an Empower meeting at church, its for all the leaders of small groups. I got there a bit late, i had to take Marlene's outfit back to the costume hire place, plus Jo and I were making cards and daffodil bunches for the church leaders... anyhoo, im glad i got there late *blush* cos they worshipped through music for 1/2 an hour, and i was sick enough of the one song we sang for the 10 minutes i was there!! Anyway, then we had to get into pairs and the person on the right had to prophesy and the person on the left had to pray for healing. I was on the left. A great exercise cos im never sure whether or not i believe in healing, and the key to a healing being able to work is the person praying has to believe that the sick person will actually be healed. Heh heh :) so that was really awesome
On the right of me was a younger guy in the youth group, a really awesome guy, and he's really beginning to press in in his Christian walk, so he's cool :) Anyhoo, he had to prophesy for me *yay!* Anyway, the first word he had was grace. So he prayed for me to have more grace, which was really on the nail, as i sometimes lack grace. Awesome! Secondly, he had a picture of a gentle wind blowing down a valley. He said it was like a spring wind. And he said something like: "you know how Winter is all grey and dingy and kinda depressing, and when Spring comes it just has this smell about it, its fresh and has hope and promises new beginnings" And i starting tearing, and i said to him afterwards, that was so awesome, Matt, that word was right on the button!!
You know how all of us have been saying "winter is over, spring will come" and just hanging out for spring to arrive. For that new phase of hope and refreshing...
So awesome :)

And then Lynne (the pastor) said she felt someone at the meeting was sure of their calling, but sometimes they felt short in the faith department. That they believe the know what God wants them to do, but sometimes everything gets in the way and they lose sight of it, and start to think it will never happen. And i was thinking bah! that'll be like everyone here... but no one put up their hands, and she explained a bit more... and i was like man... thats so me! So i went up to get prayed for. And Lynne firstly had the word of 'daughter' That firstly i must have such faith and comfort in knowing that i am God's daughter. I am a princess. A child of the King. Cool :)
Also the other cool thing that she prayed for was that i would have Faith to see the dream through, and that God would Call Me Out :) Thats one of my favourite phrases ever... its in the song "Fill My Cup" by Paul Colman Trio "Fill my cup to the top, with running water, call me out and show me how" man its an awesome song :) I may have to listen to it more often and use it as my motto! heh heh...
And the next awesome thing was that Lynne said yeah... so you want to go to Africa, dont you... Chris (the other pastor) and I met last week with the guy who brought the Watoto Childrens Choir over here (Ugandan Orphans who sing) and we can hook you up with him..
I mean it was nothing to her... you know, the guy who came with the Ugandans who we met last week... but for me?! I WAS PUMPED!! THE GUY FROM THE ORPHANAGE? THATS MY DREAM!! YOU MET HIM?!!? SEND ME TO HIM!! ROOOOAAAAR!! HEAR. ME. ROAR.!!
This IS gonna happen... IT IS!!

Aah... *smiles contentedly* i. am. excited. I guess the darkness and the doubt will still come sometimes, but right now im seeing some things so clearly:
1) Travel overseas for some of 2006 - Helen and possibly SAM to go with me...
-World Cup in Germany
-Gallipoli in April for ANZAC day
the two things i want to do soo much :)

2) Next year, i can take part in either the
-trip to Romanian Orphanage
-build a youth hall in Fiji
I think at this stage its gonna be either/or... but im pumped whatever it is!

3) Work for a year or two at either of these
-World Vision in New Zealand, getting to travel overseas to projects
-Orphanage in Africa
-Somewhere in Romania/Eastern Europe
-Or Latin America

4) Do some youth work
-Either in New Zealand with uni students or something. Acting as like a mentor or just someone for them to talk to
-Or in Europe. I hear the gospel is TAKING OFF in places like Spain and Germany. I wanna help with the revival!!

Its gonna be cool :) And boy am I excited about it all!

my friends are in the mister wonderful league.

Yay! Finally i have time to post on my blog... and something to post!!!
In fact, lots of somethings! =)

Firstly... Big Kudos to Mister 'troll' Brehaut for coming to my birthday party, it was sooo cool to have him there... You're awesome, Andrew! heh heh! I'm sorry for the tantrum, but happy for the Breo =) Take that, Disarm!!

Aah yus... more thankyous:
Firstly, thankyou Mike for the nuts! We love nuts! In fact, i am eating them right now... and they be yummy! Im funny about nuts, though. I love the taste, but i hate eating them cos i always want to clean my teeth... so people always laugh at me when im eating nuts as i rush off to the bathroom every few minutes to clean my teeth, heh heh :)

Thankyou to Kelly for chocolates and nuts and the wee notes on them :) Chocolate flows along similar lines to nuts in that i love it, but i hate eating it cos it gives me pimples... he he!! You guys are so bad for me yet so so good! Ahh, Kelly... you're gorgeous :)

Helen gave me (Marlene) this wee first aid kit, prepared by Nurse Doris, for when i move to Australia (well for Marlene when she moves there with Max). Man its awesome! It's all in a little pink Disney Princess lunchbox, relabelled 'The 1946 Princess' First Aid Kit' and theres awesome stuff like a blue piece of cardboard with lolly sharks tied to it, warning me about the danger of sharks when swimming. And my favourite is the piece of real twig, with jelly Koalas dangling from it and a wee note saying "Koalas dropping on your head are a real danger in the outback. Always wear a safety helmet" heh HEH!! Its absolutely fantastic... i adore it :) Thankyoooo Helen!!

And .... wait for it..... Thankyou SO much to Fraser who (prepare yourselves) gave me Dr. Seuss' 'The Foot Book'!! Picture the horror on my face when i opened the package to find a whole book about feet!! i was still sniggering to myself ages afterward! Nice work, Fraser... 10 points for the coolness of it all!
AND!! Miguel bought Marlene 'Mister Wonderful' so she can remember him always. "Mr Wonderful is 12" tall, dark and handsome. He has sensitive open book eyes, rakish good looks and impeccable fashion sense (a baby blue shirt and beige chinos - nice work) Not only that, but he always has just the right thing to say to make you feel like the most special woman on earth.
EG "Here, you take the remote. As long as I'm with you, i dont care what we watch"
"the ball game really isnt that important. I'd rather spend time with you"
"Mmm, you look so beautiful in the morning" (my personal favourite)
"No! You don't look at all fat in that dress! How could anything make you look fat?!" (heh heh)
"Aw... can't your mother stay another week?" (no man will EVER say that to me *wink*)
"did you have a hard day, honey? Why dont you sit down and let me rub your feet?" (my ideal man will say this a lot!)
"Actually, I'm not sure which way to go... I'll turn in here and ask for directions" (HA!! HA! the day i hear this one is the day i EAT MY HAT!)
Thanks Miguel you are indeed Mister Wonderful!

Okay well seeing as some people dont like people who write about numerous things in one post, i will finish here and write another post with all the rest of the stuff i have to say!

hot? miracles can be small, and Gran votes Andrew a 'nice young man'

Firstly, go here
And you must give me at least a 10 or i will kick your sorry behinds...!! My friend Ben put me up... and he's gonna pay if i do badly, lol...! Way to dent my fragile self-esteem!

I think sometimes we forget that God works in the small things as well as the big things. Sometimes we're so busy hanging out for the obvious miracle that we miss the small one.
I'm really happy about Mike's undie experience, God was so obviously working there, even though it may seem trivial =)
Anyway, tonight for youth cell group, Liz and I (Liz is my second in command) (i *puffs out chest and looks important* am the main leader) (thats right! ME!!) didnt get there in time to pray beforehand, which i was really bummed about, cos its all good and fine to pray in your head, but theres something about praying together... So by the time we got to the host house, most of the cell group girls were there. Anyway we went inside and i decided to just pray in my head... and next thing the girls all decide to go out for a moment (admittedly i think it was for a smoke... but it was still a blessing, ALRIGHT, lol!)... perfect opportunity for us to pray!!!! So Liz, Janet (the lady whose house we meet in) and I had time to sit down and pray, and just as we finished, the girls came back into the room!! Isn't God cool!! He cares about the small as well as the BIG!!

I really feel like we've bonded with the girls. Well i dunno about Liz.. there were a few things she said tonight that even made me cringe... but the girls seem to like me. And i'm not being big-headed, just they genuinely seem to like me ... which is really awesome, cos i was worried they wouldn't!!
So yay for new beginnings! i was really apprehensious about this group, but it seems to be working out. And i'm really praying that God would reveal himself to these closed hearts.
Go you good thing you, God! he he!

Oh yeah - and one last piece of funniness - I was showing my granny my pictures from the CU Ball today, and she thought Andrew Wallace was a bit of alright!! She was like "He looks like a fine young man!" "he doesn't look as weird as the rest of them" yup. Go Andrew! You get the granny vote!! You da man! *grin*

gracias. merci. ringrazarlo. спасибо.

Aah the sadness of it all... when we have assignments to do and tests to study for, there are a million and one things we want to post about. Once we actually have the freedom to post, there is no reason to. When we're sad and unhappy and angry, we feel a need to rant on our blogs. But when we are happy and calm and at peace, there is nothing to talk about.
I wonder if this is like our relationships with God... when life is dark and horrible and closing in around us, we draw close to Him, gain our strength from Him, lay ourselves before Him in desperation and surrender. Yet when life seems to be going well, when we don't feel lost, but joyful and at ease, its almost like we don't "need" God anymore, and we let our reliance on Him slip...
One thing that i have to keep reminding myself of is that we do further our reliance on God, and become more willing to be used by Him when things are bad, but it is just as important to value Him in the good times, and thank Him for all He does for us. =)

Sometimes we don't feel like thanking God, or when we look back it seems like there isnt much there to thank Him for. But i believe that when we praise God for the seemingly little things He does in our lives, he appreciates that more than the big things He does for us.
Why? Because its easy to thank someone for something awesome and mighty and miraculous. You are almost obliged to do so. But when someone opens a door for you, or helps you get a carpark when you're running late, or directs a friend to your door when you needed to see a friendly face... thats what we need to be grateful for too =)

So even though things to be thankful for may not be paramount on my mind, im gonna think up some things for which i'm thankful =)
> Menfriends, especially Sam. I love Sam... he's great :) I mean really?! Without the internet we'd have so many less friends! (er *cringe* bad grammar, he he) I got an email from Sam the other day... i wrote to him earlier in the week, and it really cheered me up to get his reply. Good email-writing skills are greatly to be admired!
Also, Fraser :) He sent me an email too... and it was encouraging... and its all happy and lovely to read or comment on other people's blogs... but getting emails is like that next step or something *grin*

> Ladyfriends, especially Joy and Este and Ruth. I have this picture, that i'll post soon of Este and Roofus doing the 'fox trot' and they both look so cute and eager... its awesome :)
And i got a big long email from Joy this week *YAY!!* admittedly i hadnt written to her either since she left.. and have been meaning to for so long! So it was so lovely to get an email, and almost made me cry cos i'd forgotten how much i love Joy and miss her! She is one of those few people that i can be really honest with, and i can fool around with her, but open up my heart too... Go Joy!

> Squirrels. Man i love them. A lot *grin* I got this awesome text message yesterday, from Matt, i believe, who had entered himself in my cellphone as the NSA.
Sender: NSA
Dear Fanatic, the National Squirrel Association feels that you'll be the perfect recruit as an agent in our quest for squirrel rights and WORLD DOMINATION! Join now!

Man that text made my day! Of course i replied straight away and told them i was champing at the bit to join... and had been waiting for an opportunity like this for so long!

I'm not sure if i should admit this, in public especially, but the little furry beanie baby Squirrel that my Pops gave me for my birthday has been sleeping next to me ever since i got it! (And just for those of you who want to laugh at me once again, yes, i did name him Madge, or Mister Squirrel)

> thanks to God for all the awesome friends i've made in the last year. I dont know if this sounds rude or not, but my new friends far surpass the old ones in caring-ness, good looks, love, humour, intellect, stupidity (almost), and spending lots of time together. I am so thankful for this great influence in my life... it really makes a difference to have godly, admirable friends. When you've got something to look up to it definately inspires you and discourages you from doing things that aren't so hot.

> being able to sleep. Twice i have heard Simon Barnett tell the story of a guy who was in prison in *insert place name cos ive forgotten* yeah, that place... and he was only WAIT IVE GOT IT!! It was Russia :) er anyway, he was only allowed to sleep for 7 hours a day, then for the other um *counts on fingers* 17 hours he had to run around his cell. And if he didnt run, he got his feet beaten with metal pipes. So yeah. I'm glad that i'm allowed to get my full 9. Yeah, Reuben - me and you represent! Go us "need-nine-hours" people!

> God. geez. he blows my mind. This Lord of lords, who created the Universe, loves me. Me! ME!! And what do i do to make him proud of me? What can i do to make him love me more? Why do i deserve his love? Its amazing... God is amazing.
Wow. *pauses to ponder*
And he wants to spend time with me! To talk to me. To love me and need me and care for me. And he let his son be killed so i might be clean. And he sent his Spirit so i can learn more about Him.
Who is this God that i can know Him?
Who is this God that loves me?
I don't deserve an ounce of it. I don't deserve any of his love.
And yet he loves me regardless.
What an amazing God.
My heart is filled with awe and reverence for you, God, for you are mighty and holy and glorious.

Thankyou... THANKyou... thankYOU... THANKYOU!
Te quiero, mi Padre. Je t'aime Papa. Pour Toujours. Pour l'Eternite. Jusqu'a la fin du monde... Papa.

through stupidity comes good works!

er well... i made myself promise that i wouldnt post today, but i couldnt hold to that, heh heh!
Two things:
Watch me grin!! Some beautiful girl found my readers and handed them into campus security, and when i moseyed on in there today the handsome men in there handed my jagged, broken plastic folder with my intact readers inside to me =) Oh how i love security men and lovely girls who pick up stuff off the road!! Erm, i spose i should add that the security men did have a little laugh at me, cos they could tell that i'd left the folder on top of my car and driven off with it on! Apparently i've invented a new type of air mail *blush*
I'm keeping the destroyed folder as a trophy of my stupidity! he he he!

Secondly, it was Miguel's birthday last thursday and i dont think anyone noticed! Oh wait, i think he got one comment on his blog! Poor Miguel... he's pretending to be tough, but i think he's a little hurt inside... *hugs* to you, Miguel if you're reading this =)

Okay, i lie... three things i want to post about....
Thirdly, to all of you who haven't RSVP'd about my birthday, you are now excluded from the list! no, i jest. you know i'm desperate enough to have you there that i'll pull out all the stops for you!!
Please please tell me if you're planning on coming, cos i need to send you more information, and if possible, tell me BEFORE Saturday. That gives you 3 extra days. Especially people like you, Breo, Nathan, Dave and um.. whoever else i invited thats not Este, Ruth, Heln, Liz, Haley, Josh, Paul, Jess, Fraser. Thanks to those beautiful people for responding :) Oh and Kelly, you ARE invited, sorry for not getting you an invitation yet *blush* :)

Warm fuzzies to everyone, i love you guys heaps and you are awesome!! *hugs*

help!

And the blonde award once again goes to...... *drum roll*....... YOURS TRULY!
What have i done this time? put my little plastic suitcase thingee containing over $40 worth of Uni Readers on top of my car, drove off, and didnt notice its presence, or lack thereof, until i got home... 35 minutes drive away!!!
AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! the stupidity of it all!
*grunt of frustration* am i not a wally!? Do i not continually prove this to everyone on a daily basis?!

So erm if any of you happen to be at uni tonight, or tomorrow before 12.30... do you think you could have a wee look along forestry drive and in the Arts carpark for me? Its a clear A4 size hard plastic suitcase, with green handles, containing my POLS202 and FREN 223 Readers....

At least the one time i drove off with my $130 Spanish textbook on the car, i actually noticed it fly off as i went round a corner and got out to reclaim it!

Why why why dont people walking along the footpath wave you down rather than just give you strange looks? wwwwwwhhhhhhhyyyyyy???????

over and out, from the complete moron! heh heh!

me being blonde again

i'd just like to post on the intense relief of not actually having a test yesterday!! yay for me being truly blonde and mistakenly thinking we did have one!! *yay*!!
life is happy again *grin*

99% pain free!

Quick funny post to take away all yesterdays seriousness - i have a fear of leaving my fly open. its horrible... i keep thinking i've forgotten to zip it up, but i can't check cos it looks dodgy, so i kindof try and look, or rush off to the toilets. heh heh. Its these stupid pants i say!! for some reason, i just keep forgetting they have a fly! But i've only been out in public with it open twice, heh heh!

SNOW... yes glorious snow has fallen again! It hasn't settled (at least i dont think so - im underground with no windows, so i cant exactly tell :) ) but the excitement of formidable snowclouds and blustering snowflakes is taking over once again!!

Note to self: take pictures of Paul and Nathan for Sam cos they're not in Jared's ball pictures!!
Im getting my pictures developed soon... so look out!!

blatant Telecast propoganda!

I've been meaning to do this for ages!!
Telecast rock my socks off! My current favourite song is Come To Me Quickly. The chorus doesnt seem to fit all that well with the verses - the verses are more upbeat and beautiful, and the chorus seems to be searching and aching... but oh well! It comforts me and thats all that matters!
So im gonna post some Telecast lyrics that are speaking to me at the moment :)

Every time it feels like the end
You turn me around and help me start again
I need you now, like i needed you then
Lord turn me around and come to me quickly
(Come To Me Quickly)

Give me words to praise You and love to love You/
Take away the selfishness, take away the pride
But it has to be You/
Give me power to serve You and knowledge to know You/
Take away the fear, take away the shame
But it has to be You...
(The Way)

Please help me get through/ Please lead me...
i dont need signs, only You
I dont need wonders, only You,
I dont need miracles, only You
I dont need anything but You.
(Define)

I hear Your voice crying out to me
"Come to me you who are weary, and i will give you rest,
I will set you free"

I just need You 'til You're all i can see
You're the Lord of lords and the King of kings
And Jesus, you are all this heart needs
I need you, i need you
(I Just Need You)

*smile* I love Telecast so much *more blatant plugging for them!* Their album, The Beauty of Simplicity, is really awesome. Its Brit-style, apparently like Cold play (although i dislike Coldplay yet love Telecast?!), and is a worship album. Go buy it now, NOW I SAY!! =)

who let these people loose?

Go here! Go here now, i say!
Im the sifty one in the white outfit, posing with lots of menfolk... unintentional of course!!

bad air and miasmas!

Heh heh... i had decided that i wouldn't be posting over the week from my birthday to when my essay is due, as this is taking procrastination too far... BUT i really felt i needed to post.
I really wanted to post last night, but stayed up way too late which ended up making things even worse, lol!!! So finally i think i'll get it all off my chest now and BLOG!!

Unfortunately some nice caring people, like Paul and Kelly, have started asking me loaded questions. They will ask things along the lines of "how are you?" and i will say "good" and they say "really?" . I dislike this because on days when i feel like its all a bit too much i end up almost telling them how i feel... which is WRONG!! Like i've said many times before... sharing your feelings with other people is bad and you shouldnt do it (har)! Este has also jumped the fence into danger category, she has this look that she gives me when she's concerned or if she knows im upset about something... and it really gets me! Joy does a similar look, but fortunately Joy is back in America and i dont have to face the look any more, hee hee!

Anyho, im getting really distracted, in fact, i was just away for 20 minutes looking at blogs and the like then, so my procrastination continues at full throttal!!

Firstly, i am supposed to be in a test RIGHT NOW. That is correct. At this very minute. Some people, eg Brehaut and Aeronwy and Jared consider me stupid for not being in the test. However,
1) i have not studied, as i only had 4 days warning and have been way too busy
2) it wasnt listed in any course handouts, so technically i believe it doesnt count
3) I havent done any of the readings so far this semester
4) i dont understand the work anyway
so really there was no point going into the lecture, not being able to answer any of the test questions, getting emotional and upset, walking out knowing i had failed. So it was just easier to not go.

I had like the most amazingly emotional day yesterday! and i am still feeling the after effects today. I am half attributing it to getting home from the ball at 2am, attending debrief with Ruth and Este until 3am, and getting up at 8.30 when Este got up for Soccer.
The rest i am attributing to whatever miasma has affected us all lately.
(insert interesting fact: during the middle ages, people thought that germs, infections etc, travelled by 'miasma' or bad air, kinda like a fog... Shakespeare often refers to it )
Anyhoo... yesterday.
Well.
It snowed - which was primo-ly awesome... and everytime i walk outside today i still get all warm and fuzzy inside, despite the extreme chill outside =) Isnt God's creation amazing!
But despite the snow i was a little sad. Nathan was so bored with travelling that the only thing that could possibly relieve his boredom was texting me. I'm good company when you're bored, i am. When you're not bored though, dont bother.
So Helen, Ruth, Esther and I went to Brehaut and Reuben's flat to make a snowman, threw snowballs at the windows and ended up being yelled at as Complete Morons. I mean okay, so i am a moron sometimes... okay.. a lot of the time. But a complete moron?
At the same time, my friend Brad was up from Timaru (represent, Timmas boys!)(and Sal!).. thanks heaps to him for texting me and telling me he was up.(insert sarcastic laugh: har) I've seen him once in the last 3 years... so it was a shock to find out he was up, but i invited myself over to see him. Talked for about 20 minutes then i left. He wouldnt even give me a hug goodbye. Which was rather sad, cos i really needed it, however Adam (more Timaru-vian goodness) gave me the elusive hug that i so badly needed.

(just to add a wee note here, so as to not offend anyone - those was the bad thoughts i was having yesterday. Im sure Nathan finds me interesting even when he's not bored, and Jimmy doesnt think we're complete morons, and Brad just didnt think to tell me he was up in Christchurch...
So no bad feelings towards those guys, that was just the irrationality of yesterday)
When i got home for some reason, again i blame the miasma... i didnt really have much of a reason to be feeling so crap, but by the time i got home i was just feeling so nasty. I was so close to tears for the next 3 hours... and couldnt even really work out why.
I turned on the computer at 9 to check emails and do my essay... yeah right!! got distracted emailing Sam... (which didnt work... so if you have another email addy Sam... feel free to send it this way! :) ) talked a little bit to Brehaut and Nathan, but the sad thing about internet is you can so easily give off the impression that everything's fine when really its far from that.
So finally i headed off to bed at 10.45... which is way later than i should have gone! As you all know, i am little, like Reubs, and need 9 hours sleep! But i didnt go to bed, heh heh! I put on the heater, turned off the lights, and wrote all my sad thoughts down.
(insert relevant explanations here: I honestly can't explain the majority of why i've been feeling so crap lately... and most of the time i dont even know what im getting upset about!!
Winter is over, spring will come)

So then, after far too long of that, i got into bed and deludedly thought i was going to sleep. Unfortunately the stupid tears that had i had been battling all day, were still determined to own me. So for almost an hour i had to ride the wave. My feelings of inadequacy and extreme despair at the way uni stuff is going at the moment just took over.

Im being incredibly honest here, and i dont particularly want you all to read this and go "aaaw. its okay, we still love you. Are you okay, cos you dont really sound so good?" Because i hate feeling weak. And i dont like being controlled by my feelings, i'd much prefer being owned by reason! And i certainly dont need pity :)

But yes, i will post briefly, but not too extensively, on the way things are with uni.
Im not so sure that this is where i want to be. Well i like the lifestyle - the long 2 hour lunch breaks with my good mates, my access to awesome computers, and warm libraries, the interesting stuff we're learning about what we already knew in linguistics.
But i am sick of the work. Im not sure the courses i'm taking are gonna help me with what i want to do anyway!! If i can't handle the political science assignment work, how will i handle that sorta stuff every day of the week in a job? I definately think its time to re-evaluate.
But the annoying thing is that i can calmly sit here and say that now, but when the night comes and you're tired and beginning to worry, the fear sets in anyway and reason seems so far away!!

So yus. A rather bleak post for a rather bleak (but pretty) day! But i needed to get it all off my chest... so now i can get back to the essay writing!
tally ho!

ack! im old!

It wouldnt be a birthday without posting on my blog! ha!
I. am. so. tired. and. stressed. out. and. scared.
I hate being stressed =( and busy =( and scared about uni stuff =(
im just having so much trouble with this political science stuff... i dont understand a word of it... its just such a huge jump up from last year. I have a 30% test for it on monday, and an essay worth 40% due friday. But (theres always a but in the world of the optimist) im going to see the lecturer for help tomorrow =)

Argh, so i had like the busy day from hell today. A nice day though :) thanks to everyone who texted and saw and blogger-ed me! it was so good to hear from you all!
Still havent sorted out anything for this ball yet, though... but hopefully Jess' stuff will fit (fingers crossed, cos Jess is like a elf - tall and slender) =) Thanks to Jess who is an Angel!

I know its kinda dumb to post about serious stuff when i am really kinda happy and contented, but i dont care. Ive been having trouble getting to sleep lately... by the time i fall into bed, exhausted, i get so annoyed at not being able to sleep, or having wasted time that could be better spent, that i start to cry out of overtiredness and frustration. Which just makes it worse.
The thing thats really been bugging me lately is that you can never get time back. Once its gone its gone and you can never have those moments again. So use your time effectively. Dont waste it.
Its not that i'm having regrets, but that im maturing and realising that, to put it bluntly, pissing around will get you nowhere. Time is precious, and i need to make the most of it!

Im kinda interested in being not a Chaplain, but like a mentor who works with uni students and stuff, meeting with them, and helping to keep them strong for God... I think that would be cool =)

Im also interested in sleep.. and maybe in a week or so when its all over i will be able to post properly
boo hiss to work

Hugs to everyone who reads this garbage, i love everyone lots, and squirrelishly =)

ooh yeah - i got a little squirrel for my birthday, hes really soft - a beanie baby - and brown and about 12 cms tall... ive named him Madge, and he wants to bite your ears, so look out =)

grumpy grumpy grumpy

ARGH! i hate balls. i hate dancing. i hate not having anything to wear to this stupid ball on saturday. I hate not being rich and just being able to go out and buy an expensive dress. I hate that 2 people i know who have dresses that will fit me wont let me borrow them. i hate that Dan is so slack and wants me to organise everything, when we're not going as a date and its not my responsibility. i hate being grumpy cos that makes me upset.

I hate arguing with my mother. Especially when its the same old "when i was your age my mother had two little children to take care of and i had to come home from university and help her when i didnt have classes. I didnt just stay in there all day and neglect my responsibilities at home."
The point is that we DONT have two little children at home, i am struggling with my uni work so must spend extra time on it, and i need to stay in at uni and do study there, cos i know i'll never do it here at home. Also its a waste of petrol just to go in for 2 hours, i may as well stay for 5 or 6. Plus theres a one to one and a half hour travelling time, its not like i just magic myself to uni or home again.
We used to have these big screaming arguments at least once a week last year, it was so horrible. I never wanted to be at home cos we were always arguing, yet i had to be at home. This year when theres been hardly any arguing, im never home.

Well, i have to go off to my 3 hours of class in town this afternoon... so
toodles

squirrelific!

Procrastination is the sport of kings... KINGS I SAY!
I have a political science review essay to do, on an article from a Journal. I can't understand the fancy Political Science terms/articles, so im having a lot of trouble.
Some selected 'sentences':
"Yet at the same time, US presidents are elected officials with a unique perspective based upon their election constituency and an accumulation of insulated agencies decreases the ability of presidents to be responsive to their constituents."
"Strategic resources boost imcumbents' prospects by almost 4% for each unit increase in strategic quality, independent of the personal/performance measures."
yeah, okay... so that stuff wasnt too hard to work out.. but really! how can I write a review essay of that??!

Next thing... *yells* I AM SO PUMPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A L'EUROPE, EN AFRIQUE, AUX ILES! YEEESSSSS!!!
The pastor of the church i am currently attending has just got back from a trip to Fiji, seeing the revival thats going on there. And she was talking about how our church is going to put money into a church over there, so they can build a youth centre, and maybe send people from our church over there to help build it! And oh man did that excite me!!
And then, THEN, they told people who have really felt they are being expanded that they could come up and be prayed for... and oh it was mighty :):) The pastor prayed for me, and then he came back and said that he had a word for me, that he felt i have a calling on my life for missions, and stuff... and i was SO EXCITED!! Cos i DO want to get into missions! and i've never spoken to him about it, so for you sceptics: =P
More exciting stuff later, when i think about it, but God gave me three things "A L'Europe, En Afrique, et AUX ILES"! In Europe, Africa and the Islands. Three areas i have desire and passion for. And its going to pass. REALISE, YO!

Lastly i was a bit emotional before, but then i got distracted talking to Mike and Nathan and Breo, so it all went away, but ... im pleased about this box being opened. ITS ABOUT TIME!
The Youth Pastor's wife came up to me today and asked if i want to meet up with her this week sometime and have a chat. Just about me and who i am and stuff, cos we've never really talked before. And i was getting upset because its like someone really cares! I've never had someone come up to me and say "i'd like to get to know you better, how about you come over to my place!" (lol, well apart from dodgy boys, you know what i mean!) People actually care out there, and want to get to know me. And its scary, but im up for the challenge =) Its not necessarily going to be easy to go from being very closed, to being open with people, but its a step that needs to be taken ...

And lastly... ONLY 4 MORE SLEEPS TO GO!! YAY!!

burnination!

yay! i'd just like to mention that i have (finally) beaten Nathan in the word count area
Nathan = 278 posts with 51,446 words
Me = 63 posts with 26,983 words

but Reuben = 23 posts with 15,609 words
So i havent quite beaten him yet!! hee hee! oh well! i will be the blogging length-meister one day!!
CONSUMATE V's, I SAID CONSUMATE!!

the box is finally opened...!

I dont really know how to start off this post. Basically i'd like to post about yesterday, but i also want to mention good stuff.
Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning, as we all know too well, so most of me is all happy and fine now. Im slightly grumpy, but only cos im annoyed at me being upset yesterday and at me crying when reading Reuben's blog this morning!!

I think i have a problem with talking about feelings. And i think thats what upset me yesterday. I had my first accountability meeting with Estie (who i love beyond all reason) and i found it really hard. Everytime we stopped talking about silly stuff, and got onto serious stuff i nearly cried. I dont know if Estie knew (or Ruth, or Sal, who also happened to sit in on our meeting, which took the pressure off a bit) but it was really really hard for me, and i came to realise that even though we only talked about 2 or 3 serious issues, it was still more than i have ever talked to another person about. Sometimes i 'talk' to Nathan about stuff on MSN Messenger, and i've even discussed serious issues through text messages with Joanne, but i have never been really honest, and talked about my true feelings face to face with another person. And it was really hard. Obviously theres a whole lot more stuff that we didnt cover, but a start is always a start =)

((I'm comfortable with posting about this on the internet, cos its not like i have someone right there to see me cry, or to look caringly at me, or put an arm round me when it gets tough. So i feel like i can handle being honest! hee hee))

Firstly we talked about how i am always mad at Nathan, and how i dont like always being mad at him. However, Pentecostalism is what made my faith come alive, and inspired me to be a fuller person, and when someone who obviously has a lot of concerns with it constantly bags it, it seems like a blow to the heart, rather than just some superficial stand i am taking.
Interestingly enough, an hour or two after i'd talked to Estie about the latest issue with Nathan, he and i ended up talking about it.

The other thing that i had to be honest with Estie-o about was Paul and Jess, and how i am finding it really tough to... i dont know... come to grips with their coupledom? be happy and supportive? I dont want to post too much, because i know both Paul and Jess read my blog, so i dont want you guys to feel bad about anything.
Dan and i have been so anti-couples all this year, cos it seems like everyone we know is pairing off... and i hate that! For all i harass people like Ruth and Breo and Este and Andre, if they were actually to become couples i'd drop my sack for a while, i think!! Sometimes i dont know why people can't be happy in their singleness for longer, and not get so serious about something that is going to last the rest of their lives! (i am one of those terrible people that believes in 'courting' -oh how i hate that word- and dating someone only when you have talked it over with friends and family and feel ready for a deeper commitment) (i am not a staunch Josh Harris fan, sorry, but i do agree with a lot of his ideas)
So yeah, i have couple-issues, lol!
Dan and i had this plan where we'd get married (so we never had to look for a partner, or possibly face rejection ever again), and then go live in caves on opposite sides of the world as hermits for the rest of our lives. And once a year we'd meet up for a day or so, have a chat about life, or maybe just grunt like true hermits, then go back to Hermit-ty life (so we didnt have to spend much time together). Perfect plan!

But yeah, the reason i was upset last night is that all sorts of things combined yesterday and just piled up into one big mess.
I stayed at my aunty's after Les Miserables, and we stayed up until at least 11 cos we hadnt seen each other for ages, then we had to have more womanly chats in the morning, so i was about 10 minutes late to uni... and couldnt get a park. But i was wearing my lovely 6inch heels, so i couldnt just park out on the road and walk into campus. I was also wearing stockings, so i couldnt get changed in the car. Sooo... i drove to Hermil (Ruth, Sal, Helen and Este's house) and got changed in their kitchen, then drove Ruth back to uni at 11, where we kinda stole some guys park (well not really, it just looked like that to him). Then i went to lunch at 12, and didnt see anyone i knew, except for Ruth and Nathan together, so i wasnt even gonna try having lunch with an annoyed Nathan, so then i decided i'd go have lunch by myself on the cold balcony of the library, just like the start of the year when i had no friends. And as i was heading to the library, the Buddhist/Krishna guy who's been hanging round campus for ages trying to sell his weird books held out a book to me, and asked me if i wanted to look at it. Did i?! Yay! this was the perfect missed opportunity from last semester that i rued myself about! It was really good! i dont know if he was just being as gracious to me as i was to him, but he really listened to what i was saying about Jesus/God/Christians, and even asked questions =) For the first 10 minutes or so i asked him questions about his books, and about his faith, and it was kinda sad... he didnt sound that certain! he said like "um well... i'm not really a buddhist, i'm kinda what you'd call a Krishna. Sort of." And when i asked if they pray, and to which deity, he said "well we dont really have any one deity, we can kind of choose whoever we want to pray to..." And it just sounded so wishy-washy, like its all about self-fulfilment, and each to his own path. But after he'd had his time, i talked about Christianity, and he said he'd had a christian upbringing, but he didnt really seem to understand much of the bible, he even asked me um, what are we to God? As in, are we deitys? Are we part of the three parts of God? and things like "Christianity's got a lot of rules though, doesnt it?" So it was good, we got to talk about both sides of our faiths =)
Argh, im getting distracted, anyway, while i was talking to him, a girl that is a friend of a friend walked past, so i randomly stepped out and asked her if she wanted to have lunch with me! Kind of a compromise - stay talking to the kharma guy (cos if he's talking to me, he's not talking to anyone else =] ) or have lunch with a familiar face? But i figured i'd given the guy enough to think about, so we went and had lunch. And one of her friends came along, that i'd met before, he's this massively funny guy, a real crack up, so after lunch we went to give blood together, which took ages, cos there was a long wait. Then i had my accountability meeting with Squirrel girl, which i was late for, cos the blood ladies made me stay and rest for longer cos it was my first time, and i'm only just over the weight/haemoglobin limits... *pause to breathe* And then i dropped Estie off at her prayer triplet meeting, while i went back to uni and almost did some work, then i took Nathan home, got Estie, went to countdown and got random food to take to the Spleen (Breo, Reuben and Jimmy's flat), and they invited us to stay for dinner. Paul and Jess turned up too, but they brought their own tea. And i ended up leaving before dinner cos i had a youth group meeting. I wasnt sure when or where it was... which was a bit of a worry, but eventually i got there, even if about 40 minutes late! I was also annoyed, cos i'd missed dinner, so i had to get burger king (eew AGAIN!) and scoff it in the car, at like 7.45, which is SO not when i eat!

((My youth pastor has a 15 month old daughter, and shes sooo cute!! she has just learnt to talk (kindof) and can take 2 steps before falling over, and she babbled and giggled through the whole meeting!! Its times like that i think maybe i do want kids after all =P (just on a wee aside, she keeps saying "woah woah woah" and swaying back and forwards, cos she wants you to sing "row row row your boat.." he he he! so cute!))

So then finally i got home at 10, which is the earliest i've been home in AGES! and managed to get into bed at 10.30, but i was still awake after 11, and i started to get more and more annoyed at being awake, cos i so badly wanted to catch up on sleep... and i think i got upset cos i was overtired! And i just felt like a baby thats been left alone in the middle of a room; at first its crying cos there's no-one there, and its alone, then its just crying cos its been crying for so long its forgotten why... And it wants to yell for Daddy, but it doesnt know how.
But then i realised that there was someone in the room, even if i had been too busy crying to notice. And daddy had come, as he always does. So i tried to explain to Jesus how i felt, and why i was so upset, and i realised i didnt really know why.

The one thing that was prominent though was that i felt like a box. A box that had been closed for so long that the lock on it was rusty. A box that someone had begun to prise open. And it hurt because it had been closed for so long. And i realised that i was scared. I was so upset cos i was filled with fear. about being open with another person. and telling them all my hopes and dreams and fears and hurts. and what if that person went away (which they most likely will) and then i will have to start all over again... And then i got mad at myself for being so silly and crying about something that is obviously so good. But i was also getting all rarked up about things like being worried that Ruth finds me annoying sometimes, and POLS being too hard, and me not having time to organise this birthday party! Then i got grumpy cos i knew that my eyes would be all puffy and horrible in the morning, which i hate, cos its like tangible evidence of your pain the night before, that you want to forget about, but it stays with you cos your eyes are all scratchy and bloated, and you have to put on extra makeup to cover it, lol! Stupid eyes!! *grin*

I got prayed for at the youth group meeting last night! it was cool =) Cos i was late, i missed being prayed for at the start, but just when i was leaving, Glen (the youth pastor) was like "wait!! you wanna be prayed for?" so i was like "OKAY!!" i'm really excited about pentecostal prayer... i love it... where everyone lays hands on you, and you lift your hands to the creator, and aah man.. its great, i love it. It just feels like everyone loves you so much :) (oh no! i just said Pentecostal and 'feels' in the same sentence!)
And cos i always try and avoid prayer like that, just in case something happens, it was only the second time Glen has prayed for me!! I've been prayed for before, at big hypey things like City New Life, and Get Smart, but not by people who actually know me, and know some of what i am... so that was cool :)

And this morning its raining really hard, so its not worth the 1.5 hours driving time to get to and from Chch for one hour's class, so i'm just staying at home... i was gonna do the work from 11-12 same time as the tut, but i felt it was more important to get this load out of the way, and now i can feel free-er and ready to do work, lol! procrastination is good for the soul, Sam :)
Speaking of which, i got up at 8.30 this morning, just so i could be good and get time to post on my blog as well as do work, before i go to TWH at 3.30!! Cunning as a fox, i am!
And Some Aussie Maniac was online for about 15 minutes so i got to 'talk' to him!! yay! He's so cool! Hope your day at work is really squirrel-ific, Sam-boy!! Oh and those were some terrible puns =P
Message from Sam to everyone - Be Positive!!
(he found out, after his giving-blood fiasco, that he's a B+ ... more fuel to his pun fire!)

Now off to do some (long overdue) work!

me being pedantic

check this out - this was my note from my house-cleaning lady today
(which reminds me... my socks are in my jacket pocket... dont stick your hands in there or they will start to smell)

Hi Michelle
I find the old mop is not doing the job needed. All it does is move the dirt around so i would really like you to wash it with warm soapy water and dry it off with the green towel same in bathroom and toilet. While you still have the bucket please wash the front step.
(let me interject here and say that 'the old mop' is about 3 thousand years old. it is rusty. and the sponge is black. and you can buy new mop heads for $3 from the supermarket!! Why do i need to wash it and DRY IT WITH A TOWEL? Its a wetmop for petes sake. You push the handle down and it squeezes the water off itself)
I have sprayed the bath - it helps if i do it while the bath is warm
(and i'd like to point out here, that i have cleaned the bath for the past 5 months. so i dont know when she's discovered how to do it better... as i was quite satisfied with the way i was doing it)
i have done all the windowsills and the bottles on the vanity and the vanity top and front please jif the bowl.
(she doesnt have jif, but im not going to be pedantic. Plus i didnt really know which vanity she was talking about, but i figured that "all the windowsills" actually meant 'all the windowsills')
could you also maybe before you do the floors do the windowsills and skirtings with warm soap water as the Papanui Rd grime is fairly stubborn - the door handles and where fingers go on the door should have a wipe at the same time. That is priority Then if you have time could you vacuum and dust. Thankyou Michelle
(i actually did the windowsills and skirtings with warm soapy water last week... so that shows how much she actually checks what i've done... they're not actually dirty - the problem is that whoever painted them white did a shoddy job, so the paint is streaked, which makes it look really dirty. And i always do the door handles and along the doors)

But im not really mad at the lady i clean for, she's nice, but im annoyed cos im supposed to do 2 hours cleaning a week and it always goes over. Which didnt matter so much last semester cos i just had CU, but this semester i have a class... so i still have to get back to uni and get lunch and then have 3 hours of class. And i was a little grumpy cos it doesnt seem like she notices the work i do. I went out of my way to do the skirtings with warm soapy water last week, which i have only been asked to do once before, and the very next week she asks me to do it again... weird
Anyways, just me being pedantic. And having trouble understanding her instrucitions.
Im having a tough week... im really really tired, and i've been out so many nights in a row and its really catching up. I just want to go home and get into bed at 9.30 and sleep... and wake up in the morning feeling refreshed, not exhausted.
But i must go now, i have to go to my auntys place for tea cos we're going out to Les Miserables tonight... I had forgotten up until monday when she rang to remind me..... and she'd already bought tickets, so i couldnt get out of it *sigh*
Oh well... i can always fall asleep in it *grin*

guess what time it is?

I'm all excited... - my birthday is coming up soon!! Im going to be TWENTY 20 TWO-O years old! thats like all old and stuff.. yup. So maybe, i dont know if you've noticed, but im kinda hyped up about it! Anyways, i was thinking, im not about presents, but perhaps i should tell my family that they'd be in with a grin if they got me
A t-shirt
or another t-shirt
or maybe even a t-shirt
or in case they hadnt thought about a t-shirt, perhaps they could get me a t-shirt
lol...
or they could get me a squirrel book or maybe just a squirrel.

Or... they could get me a barbie or a cd or even ... lol... no... this is just time wasting!! he he...

11 more days to go! w00t! huzzah! woop-woo!

Engrish - its every good yes!

Yesterday when i was shopping (for something to wear to the CU ball) with Sally, we went into Kool Zone, the Asian-style shop in Northlands mall.... there was some AMAZING stuff there, and i hunted for the best Engrish example.

The notebooks and exercise books are so awesome, so i ended up getting one with like a Samurai or something on the front, and heres all the awesome Engrish from it:
"During my vagabond years, the yearning of you will serve as my resthouse. "
"hold back the time"
"its every good YES!"
"the beauty of youth not only manifests itself in your face or twinkles in your bright eyes, but also bright eyes, but also shines in your ideal and asepiration and giver off multicoloured light in your brauerand wisdom"
"Show me a smile then, don't be unhappy can't remember"
"your friendly affection is a bright light in my life, illuminating my soul and adding radiance to my life" (ok so that ones not too bad)
"feeling of happiness"
"chaste memory"

- thats all from the same exercise book!!
and the other one:
"haroo the thinking dog"
"My old dreams are flying on the wind. It's a mild and soft afternoon I close my eyes gazing at the memories..."
"A happy world is made up of happy hearts. We invite you to the joyful world of Barunson. Refresh your happiness with us everyday."
"Upgrade your happiness, Barunson"

Isnt that so so fantastic?!
My favourites are "its every good yes"
and
"During my vagabond years, the yearning of you will serve as my resthouse" WHAT?!?! Unfortunately i got the last Samurai-book thingee, but i will certainly look there again to see if i can find more! I can think of some people who would LOVE THEM!!