love

I think I am turning into AJ. I keep finding myself in love with inanimate objects. I love my bookcase. I love my laptop. And now I love my new dictionary.

I will tell you about it later. Right now i am busy staring adoringly at it.

the bookcase of my dreams

I have wanted a bookcase for years. One with more than one shelf, but not a big tall one, that I can proudly alphabetise or sizeise (what is the term for that?) and categorise my books in. My parents have been meaning to get me one for years (sure...) but just didn't get a roundtuit. (i'm telling you, the roundtuit is a mythical creature)
This year my Aunty gave me an old cane shelf unit that i was intending to use as a bookcase, but I stored it at Heln's brothers flat when I moved house and I've never gotten around to getting it back. (lucky there was a 'getting' in there or i'd be talking about the mythical roudtuit again) (great new way to dump unwanted stuff - leave it at Heln's brothers place) (he's a boy - he'll never notice) (just like dirt) (boys never notice dirt) (and by 'never' i dont actually mean never... i mean 'often dont') (phew. hope no boys are gonna kick me for that) (is anyone else finding this post confusing?)

er was i talking about something?
oh yeah - the bookcase of my dreams. As I was saying, i vaguely had a bookcase for this year, but I misplaced it, so I've just gotten by with my books in a box. Well, some of you may know that I fell in love this year (quick, get my puke bucket) and that a boy fell in love back with me (okay, thats enough lovey-dovey stuff) but we all know what boys in love are like. Well one day I was moaning about not having a bookcase (as i do so well) (moan, that is), and I remembered that my Prince Charming is an engineer (manliness alert), so i just fluttered my eyelashes at him and asked him to make me a bookcase. And as i said, we all know what boys in love are like - he said yes.

Well actually he ordered me one off trademe, but its almost the same as making one.

But that bookcase didn't have a back. And my dream bookcase must be small, but not too small, have a back, and hopefully be dark brown. (none of this fancy painted stuff) So my Prince Charming offered me his bookcase. (Everybody say 'aaww')
And its great.
It has its own little spot in my room, between my comfy chair and my desk, it has two main shelves and half shelves on the top and bottom, and is a beautiful dark brown. It gives me warm fuzzies just to look at it. It is perfect. I love it. My room is complete with that bookcase. I am smiling at it affectionately now as we 'speak'.

I really like my bookcase.

dates... (this time without the 'up')

okay, the worms are gone now... you can all start talking to me again!!

Updates (mmm... dates!)

I turned down the job i was offered....
I feel confused.

But my reasons were that it was $11 per hour, 40 hours a week of standing up at the library issues desk (all about customer service), and was only until August.
But on the other hand, some job is better than no job, right??

Anyway, its the decision I wanted to make. I just wonder if i have the right to be picky.

And guess what.....?????......?????.....?????
I'VE FINISHED MY NANNYING JOB!!
The Mother wants me back in January.... Great incentive for my finding a job!!
I've come away with
-600metres of gladwrap (just tell people when something doesn't interest you, lol)
-A voucher for a sauna (ditto the above)
-An offer of employment for 2006 (ditto, blah blah)
-worms. (THANKS KIDS) (i should have known they were scratching their bottoms for a reason....)

Hehe, nah, The Mother, despite her sense of 'the world revolves around me', has been lovely to me and given me lots of gifts.
If my love language was gifts, I'd be in love.
Lol wait!! that quote sounds totally wrong.

Anyway... i am going to go and get my family something for christmas. Hopefully i dont get swallowed up by a Mall...

michelle being picky!!

I like radio rhema, really i do, but here are two great quotes from it lately:

-Jesus is the true reason for the Christmas season (followed by the christmas song "let it snow")

-[Going to a delirious concert] will be the best worship you'll ever experience.

Is worship something to be 'experienced'?

apparently by washing an hours worth of dishes while listening to raucously loud dctalk and screeching along.
(how to let off steam, that is)

grr

sometimes life makes me grumpy. now is one of those times. if i was small and ferocious i would kick, and scream obscenities, and throw things, and growl. Lucky I'm not small and ferocious.

how do you let off steam undestructively?

rantoffishly boring

Speeding is illegal, its a breaking of the law. I'm not sure what classifies as speeding, though. For me, to go any more than 10kms over the speed limit is speeding. However if the speed limit is 50 kph then surely going 51 is speeding. Argh. Anyone else as confuzzled as I?
When I'm driving to work in South brighton I drive down Travis Road. Travis road is evil. Its a 50k stretch of barely residential road that joins an 80k zone and a 70k zone. Everyone speeds along it. Except me. I try and drive as close to 50 as possible. But it feels wrong. Its a long, straight stretch of former swamp land, that is starting to have houses built in little fancy areas to the sides of it. So for the first stretch there are driveways leading on to it, but not for the majority of it.

Anyway, it makes me want to speed. Very badly. Its an odd feeling. Rather, i imagine, like standing in a shop and staring at an item you want but have been told you cannot have. And being gripped with the feeling that if you keep looking at it for much longer your hand will whip out and grab it.

funny how God doesn't fit in any boxes...

Sometimes I don't understand God. Not that other times i completely understand God, but occasionally I'm seeing a pattern and other times His ways appear totally confuzzling!!

Anyway, what I'm confused about now is that I've been praying for 2.5 years that God would heal my neck. I've been praying for 7 years that God would heal my depression. I've been praying for 13 months that God would help me understand "church". Those things haven't had hugely obvious or miraculous answers, and I've become vaguely discouraged, sometimes doubting the efficacy of prayer. (Although my faith hasn't become dented because of this, whereby I know others whose constant disappointment has created chinks in their armour) (not that I'm saying i'm superior - just that I get chinks from other things) (but at times I feel dents from the lack of overt answer-age from God) (er anyway...)

Lately I've been praying for jobs for Mike, Christina, Adam, and Myself, among others, but I've seen these answered. Did you hear that? Mike got a job earlier this year as an Engineer. Hoorah! Something he actually trained for! Christina's had three jobs, not in things she's trained for, but its still a job, growing and stretching her (sometimes close to breaking point), and hopefully God has a rest period in store for her! Adam just got offered two, yes two (glutton) graduate structural engineering positions, and has just accepted one. Yay! And I've had a nannying job, as trying as that has been (someone teach me the move that the penguins in Madagascar do on the captain of the ship!) and have just been offered a position with a library close to where i'll be living in 2006.

Isn't God confusing! But oh so great. What a faithful God. What a mysterious and secretive God, but what a wonderful God. =)

My box

Maybe I'm not out of the river afterall... Maybe I'm just moving on - different friends, different occupation, different perspectives on church?
Maybe its just that I moved out of one box and haven't quite slotted in to another. It still gets a bit scary sometimes when you can't put yourself in an exact box, when you dont understand things as 'well' as you used to, when you find yourself questioning everything.

I think perhaps I'm just growing up.

an attempt to stop stagnating

I am thinking of doing 'nice' things as a way to output my Christianity on to others. Things like weeding people's gardens, cooking meals, or helping at the city mission. Is anyone else out there interested in "joining" a group who aims to do things like these 2-3 times a month?

my favourite christmas gift is worship

"Give the gift of worship this christmas"
that is a line from my favourite ad on Rhema, the Christian radio station. Its about a hillsong album, however I find it amusing because worship is a gift that you can give to other people and all...

friday

Christchurch drivers are a bunch of jerks.
I know its a blanket statement, but lately it seems very true. And I know that it includes me, but thats okay, cos i know I drive like a jerk sometimes.
I have been cut off and not given way to so many times lately. Plus at every set of traffic lights i'm at I see at least one car run a red light, and no one seems to indicate anymore, everyone is going at least 10 kms over the speedlimit (or 30 if you're The Mother) and most annoyingly - orange no longer means 'stop if you can', it means 'speed up to get through'.
ARGH.

Also, Asian drivers are terrible.
Women drivers are gits.
And male drivers are arrogant tossers.

Lol. I sound all road rage-y eh!!

We had to go to A&E today because The Mother had a breast infection and it got so bad the doctor told her to go to A&E and get it drained. Then the doctor at the hospital told her she'd have to stay in overnight, and possibly have surgery. Drama!
I can't get the stupid 'my humps' song out of my head.
ARGH.

hehe.
I'm looking forward to having the whole weekend off!!!

Congratulations, I'm proud of you

How hard is it to say those words?
How hard is it to tell your daughter you're proud of her for achieving something she's worked towards for 3 years.
How hard is it to compliment on her on getting a job, even if its only temporary?
How hard is it to say you're impressed that she had two job interviews when she has only applied for four so far?

Too hard, apparently.

How hard is it to live feeling like you've constantly disappointed those around you?

Too easy.

My Humps

This is apparently the favourite song of all three kids I'm working with

BLACK EYED PEAS- "My Humps"

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

I drive these brothers crazy,
I do it on the daily,
They treat me really nicely,
They buy me all these icies.
Dolce & Gabbana,
Fendi and NaDonna
Karan, they be sharin’
All their money got me wearin' fly
But I ain’t askin,
They say they love my ass ‘n,
Seven Jeans, True Religion's,
I say no, but they keep givin’
So I keep on takin’
And no I ain’t taken
We can keep on datin’
I keep on demonstrating.

My love, my love, my love, my love
You love my lady lumps,
My hump, my hump, my hump,
My humps they got u,
She’s got me spending.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What u gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’m a make, make, make, make you scream
Make u scream, make you scream.
Cos of my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely lady lumps. (Check it out)

I met a girl down at the disco.
She said hey, hey, hey yea let’s go.
I could be your baby, you can be my honey
Lets spend time not money.
I mix your milk wit my cocoa puff,
Milky, milky cocoa,
Mix your milk with my cocoa puff, milky, milky riiiiiiight.

They say I’m really sexy,
The boys they wanna sex me.
They always standing next to me,
Always dancing next to me,
Tryin’ a feel my hump, hump.
Lookin’ at my lump, lump.
U can look but you can’t touch it,
If you touch it I'ma start some drama,
You don’t want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
So don’t pull on my hand boy,
You ain’t my man, boy,
I’m just tryn’a dance boy,
And move my hump.

My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump.
My lovely lady lumps [x3]
In the back and in the front.
My lovin’ got u,
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin’ all your money on me and spending time on me.
She’s got me spendin’.
(Oh) Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.

What you gon’ do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
What you gon’ do with all that ass?
All that ass inside them jeans?
I’ma make, make, make, make you scream
Make you scream, make you scream.
What you gon do with all that junk?
All that junk inside that trunk?
I’ma get, get, get, get you drunk,
Get you love drunk off this hump.
What you gon’ do wit all that breast?
All that breast inside that shirt?
I’ma make, make, make, make you work
Make you work, work, make you work.

She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin all your money on me and spendin’ time on me
She’s got me spendin’.
Spendin' all your money on me, up on me, on me.


yeah. Did I mention they're 4 1/2, 3, and 1 1/2 ? And that we listen to the song about once a day whilst travelling in the car....
Yesterday and today weren't too bad, with no major fights. And today only had one crying scene. Its much easier to say nice things to the kids and praise them for doing things well when they're not screaming.
I'll even tell you one story: The Mum decided she wanted to race in to National Bank Riccarton, but there were no carparks, so she parked in front of the doors, blocking about 6 cars from exiting (if their owners came out of the bank) and said to me "you'll move it if anyone comes along, wont you Chelle?"
So I'm sitting there in the back seat and a middle-aged guy walks out of the bank doors and stands looking flabberghasted at the beastly car blocking his. I signal to him and work out which car is his, jump in the drivers seat and try to move the car. The whole time the 3 year old is screaming because she wanted to go into the bank with mummy, and I'm yelling at her to be quiet because things are a little stressful and i know she's only doing it to be annoying. (eg - if i cry i'll get my own way) (sadly their mother has trained them to act this way) I managed to reverse, while another car waiting behind me also reverses. I wait while the man leaves in his car, then try and work out where I'm going to go. I pull forward and decide to go into his park. Then realise i'll never fit, so i reverse again. Two cars have to reverse so that I can go back again. I decide to stay where I am. Then I notice a woman angrily signalling to me that she is trying to get out of a carpark and I am blocking her, so I move forward again. Then The Mother comes out and gives me a "what the hell are you doing?" look, and i sigh and climb back over the seats to the back seat.

See? The whole world revolves around us. Also exemplified in the way The Mother wanted to turn right onto a busy road, got impatient and pulled across one side of the road (while a bus was plowing toward us), and when the cars on the other side of the road didn't stop and make way for her the bus had to swerve around us, into oncoming traffic, and when it was past us she pulled out even further into the traffic, completely blocking our side of the road, until she found a gap.
All must bow before us.

I have saturday off because I have a wedding to go to. I also only have 8 more days to go. And my lovely Adam wrote me some notes to last me through the day today, so things aren't as stressful as at first. I'll still be so relieved when its all over!!

Michelle Walker, BA

Yay, I officially have a BA. And I managed to raise my GPA! This year has worked out well, with an A+ for Language Acquisition, A- for hispanic culture, B- for political behaviour and psychology, and C+ for military and society.

I'm too tired to say anything else except that the lady I'm nannying for seem to think the world revolves around her. And her kids have learnt that by whining they can get their own way. Very tiring.
I got assessed by the childcare company yesterday and the lady said i was great with the kids and she couldn't suggest anything for improvement. (want to know my secret? The biggest terror was asleep, and the other was watching a video)

okay. time for my hot date with Helen!

want to watch this movie?

its amazing how once you begin working time becomes so precious and valuable. This morning I had the fantastic joy of sleeping in (til 7.45) and of being able to read the Press! (Morning paper) I also had the luxury of shaving my legs and putting on a load of washing! (oops, speaking of which... i put it in the machine but forgot to turn it on... be right back)
(good work, agent walker!)
Plus I had time to ring two people who'd left messages asking me to call them (2-3 days ago), and arranged the afternoon off work (with the two devil children) so I could go to a job interview, and arranged another job interview for Monday afternoon. (yay!!) Then I went to the doctor, and came home and checked emails.

This precious chunk of time that I have won back is great. Life, as cold and dull as it is outside, is beautiful.

My nanny work is weird - i wake up at 6.30, and stumble out to work at 7.30. I get home after 6pm, so tired and ready for bed by 8.30. I spend my day with two terrible children who call their mum (or each other) bullhead bitch face, hit and pinch each other, manage to have one awful fight per day, and at least two tantrums for their mum per day. They know that if they yell and hit and scream they'll get what they want to shut them up, and they know that their mum wont follow through on her threats to punish them or put them in the naughty room.
The Mum is odd... she's very nice, but its like the whole world revolves around her, respects her and bows down to her, except her kids. She texts or reads briscoes pamphlets while she's driving, treats retail people like they're her servants, is into detox, herbal body wraps, star signs, chinese astrology, buying lotto tickets, and keeps telling me I should move in with Adam.

Its like being in a movie.... yesterday was the craziest day! Anyway, Its kinda cool that God is giving me this weird opportunity, teaching me to value whatever life throws at me, to rely on Him for strength, and i even have the opportunity to be Jesus to the family. And I only have twelve more days to go. Thankyou, God for beginnings and ENDINGS!!!