Thats right, you heard it here first!

I AM THE ULTIMATE CHRISTIAN MAN!!!
I have taught myself to play the guitar! I got my dad to show me how to read the chords and i was away! My wrist hurts like mad (how i wish i had giant manly wrists/hands!), and my fingertips are sore from the wire strings. (heh heh - my fingers have the shakes... rather fun to watch!)
So i can play the easiest of easy - Holy and Anointed One
(I learnt it this morning in about 15 minutes... yay!)
My brother is laughing at my hand twitching *grin*

Anyhoo... thats all i wanted to say! (i think) (i'll add more later if i remember anything that i wanted to write)

Over and out from Michellus 'Manly' maximus

Easter Friday post

It's not a Good Friday post, cos its not really a 'good' friday, is it? Our Saviour has just been crucified.

I was quite impressed with todays Service at our church. No songs about Jesus rising victorious or anything. We even had a cross and a coffin up the front of the church. Brilliant! I think sometimes we are all too keen to get to Sunday, when the happiness floods our soul, when we know our Saviour is risen. But I think its important to dwell on the Friday, when things seemed like they'd turned to custard, when Jesus was being brutally killed.
If we were his disciples, what would we have thought?
"I thought Jesus was the Messiah, the son of God, and here he is being crucified. What kind of King is this?"
Would you have felt failed? Disappointed? Disillusioned? Despair? Bitterness? Hopelessness? futility? shame? desolate?

Is the sorrow so great it overwhelms you,
the pain washing over your head
Is the black and dark surrounding you,
such great loneliness and dread

Where is your leader now, they taunt,
supposed King of the Jews?
How can he save you as you claimed-
he's dead, hanging on a tree.

I remember one year at Easter Camp (with good old Mike Dodge) he spoke on the Saturday night about how at this point in time, many years ago, Jesus was actually dead. He didn't rise as soon as he was killed, there was actually a day inbetween when Jesus was not alive. Mike Dodge got us to think on that for a while; Jesus is dead. Its really sobering. Imagine the intense sorrow the disciples felt.

Its so hard to fathom what would have been going through the heads of the people. One week earlier, they had been celebrating Jesus as King, paving his way with palms. A week later they were shouting, "crucify him". What would have come after that? Shame, remorse, guilt? Its over; they've actually killed him.

To quote from Stuart Townend's "How Great the Father's Love For Us"
"How great the pain of searing loss... wounds which mar the chosen one... behold the man upon a cross/my sin upon his shoulders/ashamed I hear my mocking voice/call out among the scoffers"

I'm sure we all know the intense agony that Jesus must have been in while he was whipped, beaten, and then crucified. Imagine the desolation he felt when he gave up his spirit.

Perhaps today is both 'not good', because it tells of the brutal death of the Messiah, and 'good', because it causes us to pause and lament the huge sacrifice that was made for us two thousand years ago. Let us remember that right now, Jesus was dead.

Coolness

Heard Adrian Plass and Yulia Townsend tonight. Yulia was great!
Adrian and Bridget (his wife) were awesome. Will write more later, but will leave you with one thought:
Squirrels

(thats right... The famous Mr Plass mentioned Squirrels!)

covert enmity

I have a few thoughts to share
-Today i was listening to Jars of Clay's 'Flood', and singing along, feeling like I, too, was becomming one with the mud. After a while, the time of '40 days' really stood out to me. I was reminded that the flood took a looong 40 days, and that Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days.
On Saturday I was feeling really sick, and even had a sore neck, which I haven't had for ages (thanks to my hero, the musculoskeletal specialist). The night before i'd gone to bed at 2am after not being able to sleep/noise from the neighbours. On Saturday I'd had enough.
After being struck by the idea of 40 days, I checked the calendar and on Saturday it had been exactly 40 days since trouble started with this flat.
Fantastically, last night I had a great sleep.
To me, this is a turning point. I'm confident its not actually some profound thing from God, but still I find it very cool.

-Another interesting thing i discovered today (thanks to Westchurch), that i should know, having attended Church for 20 years, is that Jesus was welcomed by palm-waving crowds in Jerusalem a short amount of time before they crucified him. ?!?!? Ouch. When i heard that, it hurt me.
It reminded me of just before Jesus' crucifixion, in Gethsemane when Jesus asks his disciples to keep watch. Three times they fail him. Jesus has just told them that the sorrow in his heart is so great that it crushes him (Matthew 26v38 TEV). Dude! My heart aches for Jesus.
He had a really hard time! I think i forget this. It often seems sort-of rosy, what with all those healings and miracles and disciples, but really it wasn't.
I really love Jesus an awful lot, and immeasurably appreciate what he has done for me. I'm glad for this new discovery, it brings so much more gratitude for my awesome Saviour.

-Feelings from earlier in the week

From here in this pit where i've placed myself once again,
Down my cheeks spill these tears, splinters cling to a heart thats in pain
Time and time again I try to keep my mask in its place
Lately it seems I'm barely able to keep up this pretense
Why does this fight so continue? I've battled on for years
Slipping in and out of this pit, I'm further and further in need
Each day it feels like i'm losing pieces of me to the enemy

When I was younger, you invaded with the peverse,
Danced through my dreams, provoking, inticing
Unconscious you flouted all laws, took all my unguarded bases
I fought you and won, well i thought i was free for a time
Now you violate my waking hours, seducing my innermost being
I scream to the sky, try to stake back my claim
hear me now, i'm coming for what's mine
You can have it no longer, you son of a dog,
my freedom was purchased long ago

Thoughts of my love, endless aching inside, wanting to be truly held,
worries and fears, anxiety and stress, the future haunting my soul
feelings of worthlessness, stupidity, and pain. Will i ever measure up?
Lastly the stronghold, a kiss and a sigh, longing to be fulfilled
Over-analysis, misinterpretation, so desperate to throw it away

All corners of my mind, I ask for them back
the time has come for full freedom
the Act already done,
two thousand years and waiting
Every defiling part, worthlessness and shame, hopelessness and hurt, fear and desire
All was taken upon one Man, my Messiah, saving One

Needless to say the war is not over
On and on i battle for territory
but this is where i cry 'enough'
i'm claiming back my mind.

-Yay, i'm tired! Time for sleep....sweet sleep.

Letter to bloggy

Hello Blog. I have missed you, dear friend. Let me read you something of the email i just wrote to Dan who has gone across the ditch for a while.

"You just lost the game!

As for me, i'm immune. I figured out a strategy. After New Years Eve, everything reminded everyone of the game. 'Rangiora', 'Dan', 'lost', 'game', 'Steve', Sally crying "oh no"; everything brought back unwanted memories about the hated game. Finally I realised the answer.

If i was always thinking about the game, then there was no way i could lose it, because I hadn't truly forgotten about it.

A revolution had occured.

In my every waking moment, i thought of the game. I freely let it wander my mind. Always it was in the back of my thoughts. Dark, lurking, freely exposed.
For a long time, i did not lose the game. Could not lose the game. Until one deep and trecherous day, when thoughts of the game slipped my mind. A month may have passed before one day, it popped into my head. I cried aloud, with deep anguish, "I JUST LOST THE GAME" I could feel my sanity slipping away. I reached for it, but the game obscured the precious.
Ever since that fateful day I have vowed to never again forget the game, to beware its all-consuming power."

Heh heh.
So blog, did you miss me? It's been a while since i've written to you, rather than to the throngs of desperate readers.
I'm glad that you cannot see me, as i have dark purple shadows under my eyes, wild staring eyes, and dishevelled hair.
Interesting facts for the day:
-In Ireland, weekly rent is about $150-$200. Hourly wages are approx. $15. Weekly earnings are about $600. Take off your $200 rent, and another $100 for extras, and you're making $300 a week. Hurrah!
Oh bring on Ireland, 2006.
-I need a good haircut. If I find a curly-headed hairdresser, she can be granted the priviledge to cut away! (did you know i have an awesome shaggy faux-mullet, blogger? I had blonde streaks done for Parachute '04 and they gradually turned orange. Finally i got sick of them in February '05 and cut them out. The lengths of my hair are almost down to my waist, and these new short bits are just above my ears. How attractive!
-Blogger, not being able to sleep has impaired my ability to drive!! I didn't really believe that it would, but it has! I am not safe on the roads!
-Bloggy buddy, i need some help. i am looking for a person who can play guitar and possibly sing, to join my cell group. I am also looking for someone with better bible knowledge than myself to be my co-leader. If you know of anyone who is interested, please send them my way.

Goodbye for now, old friend. See you soon!

Voulez-vous savoir la verite?

sigh I'm tired. The people in the unit next to us seem to hang out in the bedroom though the wall from me. Last night there was mild noise until someone had a shower (the shower is behind my wardrobe/through Ruth's wall) at 12.15am and the last person had one at 12.45. They then talked 'loudly' for the next 20 minutes. ('loudly' because its probably not actually that loud, but its enough to keep me awake)

Sleep deprivation is a form of torture used across the world. Key causes of sleep deprivation (apart from a KGB officer standing over you with an iron bar) are noise, depression, and worry. Unsuprisingly, i suffer from all of these.

Last night was particularly annoying because i read a book for ages and then when i tried to sleep i was plagued by worries and frustrations, and hearing noise from the neighbours. I think i'm going to have to try some new strategies. I've moved my bed, and wear earplugs, but these clearly aren't working!
Some of the things that are plaguing my mind at the moment are:
-Worry about not being able to sleep
-noise from neighbours
-Lack of motivation for going to university
-general depression about future-related stuff
-extreme feelings of dislike for certain people in my SpanHist class.
-having no job, and no skills to get another
-fearing that God finds me annoying and just wants me to shut up or go away
-Not Having A Church (it gets capitals cos its a biggie)
-Boy issues

I don't feel like going into much detail, but basically its become hard to sleep because when i get into bed i feel overwhelmed and the stress hits. It often becomes a battle between trying not to weep, trying to sleep, and trying not to get frustrated about not being able to sleep.

Anyway i think i'm going to start a new routine. Get up at 8am each day, be ready by 9.30. Do stuff. Including some form of exercise, some form of God stuff, and some study. Drink only one cup of caffeinated tea/coffee per day. Basically, get out of this house a lot more. Pray about stuff more often. And when i'm in bed, if i can't sleep, just get up and go do something in the lounge, or write things down that are troubling me.

Well. Thats the end of that. Its time to go do something.

What a BA student does in her spare time

Finally! After much deliberation and discussion the verdict is out...
This post will look at what girls find hot in guys, and what girls and guys can do for each other to make the other sex feel valued.

I want to make it clear that this is MY thoughts, and i have talked this over with Ray, Ruth, and Mel, and we came up with some things we agree on. Some of these things are general things that people can do for each other, but we looked at specifically what guys can do for girls, and tried to guess at what guys wanted girls to do for them.

How girls can make guys feel valued:
-Listening to them
-Giving them time to actually answer a question, or to talk
-Ask questions about their life, and whats going on
-Remembering the things that they tell you (its all about detail)
-Giving them compliments
-Occasionally offering them a hug
-Nurturing them
Basically doing the things that other guys don't always do like caring and listening

How guys can make girls feel valued:
-Watching out for them
-Walking them to their cars or homes when its dark
-Helping them to feel safe
-Occasionally offering them a hug
-Protecting them
Basically being the strong influence and guide that other girls aren't

And for the piece de resistance:
What (some) girls find hot in guys
-Driving that makes you feel like precious cargo. If you don't feel safe then it can make a girl feel like the guy doesn't care enough for her safety and comfort.
-Passion for God. Often the most attractive thing about a man is his desire to know more about the Lord and serve him.
-A guy who is caring and affectionate.
-Guys that love kids
-Chivalrous - opening doors, letting girls go first. Most girls aren't the stupid feminists that hate that sort of thing. Many of us are flattered!
-When guys take care of themselves (eg washed, hair done, clean clothes)
-No facial hair!!! (Although stubble is acceptable)
-Nice smelling. Boys that smell nice are the cream of the crop. Key word: 'nice'
-Most girls couldn't care less about what type of car a guy has. Really!!
-The words guys say have a large effect. If guys compliment a girl (honestly) then that means a lot. If a guy is thankful for something, then say it! However it can work the opposite way, and if guys say careless things, it can cut a girl deeply. Sometimes its better to keep things to yourself, or pick a better time to say them.

That'll do for now. I only have so many free hours in a week.

extraterrestrial worms go commando

If anyone wants to do the 40 hour famine, or another feat for 40 hours, please contact me, as i am the Christchurch representative and have many spare books. We could always do something crazy together for the weekend like live in cardboard boxes, or sing nonstop for 40 hours, or auction off people as slaves. That would be cool!! Imagine having someone higher up the social chain than you working as your minion! (of course some of us already have minions working for us, but its still a good cause!! This years money is going to street kids in mongolia, freeing children from bonded labour, etc etc etc!! DO IT!!

Our Flat is now called Mrs Yangs. Please text/call etc before you visit. Generally we love visitors =)

2005 heralds its first spading attempt

Heh heh - oh the memories of first year! Today brought University 2005's first attempt at spading! I arrived at my SpanHist lecture just as it was beginning, so sat in the back row by myself. This seedy looking guy keeps turning around and looking at me (well he only looked seedy because he had facial hair and clear glassons-style glasses) and eventually says "I don't think we've met," (He-llo! Of course we haven't met!) "Are you new to this class?"
"er no," I say, "I was here last tuesday, but i have a lecture clash for half of thursday"
"Oh yeah" Says the guy, "you were that girl that said last week, 'I have a lecture clash for half of thursday'"
I'm like "um yes." (thinking: 'how observant')
And that was the end of that.
Weirod!

Nah, poor guy. Hope he doesn't feel too burninated. Gotta take the chance i guess =P