covert enmity

I have a few thoughts to share
-Today i was listening to Jars of Clay's 'Flood', and singing along, feeling like I, too, was becomming one with the mud. After a while, the time of '40 days' really stood out to me. I was reminded that the flood took a looong 40 days, and that Jesus was tempted in the desert for 40 days.
On Saturday I was feeling really sick, and even had a sore neck, which I haven't had for ages (thanks to my hero, the musculoskeletal specialist). The night before i'd gone to bed at 2am after not being able to sleep/noise from the neighbours. On Saturday I'd had enough.
After being struck by the idea of 40 days, I checked the calendar and on Saturday it had been exactly 40 days since trouble started with this flat.
Fantastically, last night I had a great sleep.
To me, this is a turning point. I'm confident its not actually some profound thing from God, but still I find it very cool.

-Another interesting thing i discovered today (thanks to Westchurch), that i should know, having attended Church for 20 years, is that Jesus was welcomed by palm-waving crowds in Jerusalem a short amount of time before they crucified him. ?!?!? Ouch. When i heard that, it hurt me.
It reminded me of just before Jesus' crucifixion, in Gethsemane when Jesus asks his disciples to keep watch. Three times they fail him. Jesus has just told them that the sorrow in his heart is so great that it crushes him (Matthew 26v38 TEV). Dude! My heart aches for Jesus.
He had a really hard time! I think i forget this. It often seems sort-of rosy, what with all those healings and miracles and disciples, but really it wasn't.
I really love Jesus an awful lot, and immeasurably appreciate what he has done for me. I'm glad for this new discovery, it brings so much more gratitude for my awesome Saviour.

-Feelings from earlier in the week

From here in this pit where i've placed myself once again,
Down my cheeks spill these tears, splinters cling to a heart thats in pain
Time and time again I try to keep my mask in its place
Lately it seems I'm barely able to keep up this pretense
Why does this fight so continue? I've battled on for years
Slipping in and out of this pit, I'm further and further in need
Each day it feels like i'm losing pieces of me to the enemy

When I was younger, you invaded with the peverse,
Danced through my dreams, provoking, inticing
Unconscious you flouted all laws, took all my unguarded bases
I fought you and won, well i thought i was free for a time
Now you violate my waking hours, seducing my innermost being
I scream to the sky, try to stake back my claim
hear me now, i'm coming for what's mine
You can have it no longer, you son of a dog,
my freedom was purchased long ago

Thoughts of my love, endless aching inside, wanting to be truly held,
worries and fears, anxiety and stress, the future haunting my soul
feelings of worthlessness, stupidity, and pain. Will i ever measure up?
Lastly the stronghold, a kiss and a sigh, longing to be fulfilled
Over-analysis, misinterpretation, so desperate to throw it away

All corners of my mind, I ask for them back
the time has come for full freedom
the Act already done,
two thousand years and waiting
Every defiling part, worthlessness and shame, hopelessness and hurt, fear and desire
All was taken upon one Man, my Messiah, saving One

Needless to say the war is not over
On and on i battle for territory
but this is where i cry 'enough'
i'm claiming back my mind.

-Yay, i'm tired! Time for sleep....sweet sleep.