Grr...i'm a little bit grumpy!! I thought i was over getting grumpy, but i guess it still happens to people who think they've (finally) got it all together.
Anyway, i decided not to go to church this morning cos i knew I wouldn't be able to focus on God. (explain later) And then i got a txt from Haley (from church) asking if i was okay, and why wasn't i 'there' last night?
last night? what was happening last night??!! I didn't get invited to anything last night!
So i replied and asked about what happened 'last night' but when she replied she avoided answering the question. Then i checked my emails and found an email from the Pastor saying that for people who hadn't been telephoned, church was actually starting at 'normal time' rather than unholy 'daylight savings time'. Which meant that i could still go to church if i wanted to. Of course i didnt want to now... Nobody had even bothered telling me that church was not starting at normal time, and i'm often left out of plans that are organised (eg last night, and 2 weekends ago). So to add to my previous worry at inability to focus on God, i decided i definately wasn't going.
I always go to church. The only reason i wouldn't go is if i'm sick. I wanted to go to my parents church with them this morning (good old Baptist) but i wasn't ready on time...
Anyway, so the reason i'm thinking i'd be better to stay at home and talk to God is that a couple of weeks ago i was texting my friend D and i kept getting strange txts back like "J is handsome." "i like wearing dresses" So it turned out later that J had been texting me from D's phone. So i was at the house of another friend (who is friends with the 3 of us) on thursday, and i got hold of her phone and did a Sifty Nathan trick and changed some things round in her phone, and texted J saying "you're handsome, i love you"
Now J and this other friend are good friends. They would both know that getting a text saying that was a joke.
But i get a series of very angry texts back from J, calling me deceitful and immature and stupid.
Anyway, we kinda sorted it out and i apologised, and he later apologised, yet still managed to insult me.
J and I have been "friends" on and off for over 4 years now, and lately i've been feeling that he really doesn't know the first thing about me, and wouldn't know 'who i am' at all... and i've been thinking that we're not really friends after all, merely two people who hang out every few weeks/months. Over the 4+ years we've known each other, J has occasionally treated me, how i would consider to be, like crap. Its like he doesn't respect me at all, and sees me like an annoying bug that needs to be squashed, or a mischevious child that needs to be given a good telling off.
I guess thats really all the detail i need to go into, but we're at the same church, and sitting in church feeling confused about how someone else feels towards you, and trying to focus on God and failing has increasingly been happening lately. This is all the more noticeable cos there's between 15 and 20 "young people" in the church so you can't really stay away from someone without it being obvious.
So i figure the best thing to do is go somewhere else for a while until i feel more sure of myself, and more able to focus on God. The only problem with this is that theres only about 1 other church to choose from that i could go to!!
Argh! this is turning into an epic rather than a short story...!!! All i'm trying to say is that i'm confused with the status quo, and whether i can really be bothered with trying to please this person anymore when all they do is throw it back at me. Either way it's in God's hands. I just hope it gets sorted quickly before it causes problems.
