foolish

she stares blankly into the distance
any moment her face will crumple
blocking out the noise swirling within
and tears burning behind her eyes
she’s lost it

before today she was sure that
what she was doing was right,
above all the rest, giving her best,
wonderfully successful, and now
its falling

illusions are over, blown away
she’s not so fantastic after all
a bitter lament of blind egotism
hopeless realism sets in, and she’s
doing a crappy job

Expectations, illusions, hope, and obnoxiousness
I’m better at this than anyone
when really I suck, I don’t deserve this,
I’m nothing to be proud of
and yet

Lovely

We had no money for groceries this week and somebody bought us groceries!! When i got home at 5.15 there were some bags of groceries on the doorstep for 'Mrs Yang'. How exciting!! All the types of food that Mrs Yang likes to eat, and oh how exciting! Huzzah!!

Thankyou Mystery Grocery Buyer... we are so thankful and very happy =)
random acts of kindness are teh r0XX0r!!

Apologetics

Ray and I just got visited by the JW's. The older Asian man, dressed in a business suit, drove up to our house and brought his daughter with him this time. Last time it was Ruth and Ray who spoke to him, and they were each given a little booklet entitled 'Knowledge'.
Poor old Ray was in her pyjamas, and I thought she may need my support, so I raced downstairs to join the 'discussion'. "Hello Ruth", the man said to me.
He had come to tell us that the time of God's blessing was near. So I asked him if there would be times of disaster first... This was akin to getting out my can opener and passing him a can full of earthworms.
Apparently Jesus was crowned King in 1914, according to the spiritual realm or something.
Anyway the JW and I got into a big discussion, and after a while he stopped saying "thankyou for your opinion", or "good question"... and I excused myself for a moment, ran upstairs to get my bible, and came back to join the discussion.
By crikey he didn't like that. Within a moment he said to me "oh look, Rachel, I have to go, I have an appointment at 10 (it was about 1 minute to ten), can i come back this afternoon?" I said "I'm Michelle, and we're both going out", and he said "how about Monday?" Ray and I told him we had class, and he said "how about Monday evening"
A very persistant man.
I managed to get his phone number, but refused to give him mine, and he and his silent daughter drove away.

If anyone is keen on getting together sometime, going through the 'Knowledge' booklet, and refuting the bits that dont line up with the Bible and Christianity, let me know. I'm also interested in inviting the guy back sometime, and praying for 1/2 an hour beforehand so we're anointed, and then debating with him...
Any interest?

oh wow, more post-age

(I like my wrists, i think they're very pretty and delicate, and are soft and white, with purple and blue veins showing through. Yesterday a friend was asking me about when I used to cut them, and while talking about my experiences I felt like writing a poem... So thats the explanation for yesterday's strange poem.
It may be interesting to add that while I wanted 'blood to heal my heart', it already had. The Blood of Jesus was spilled so that I could know union with God, and know freedom. I knew this at the time i was hurting, but couldn't quite grasp it amidst the pain of my mind.)

I was going to post and give advice about how to vote strategically in elections, but i'm not sure if i have enough effort...
I'll sum it up -
-Give your party vote to a big party, at least they have more of a chance of getting in. Especially for Christian voters, when the Christian vote is so divided.
-Dont waste your electorate vote. For example, in Ilam (where my electorate is) Gerry Brownlee is going to get in anyway. So unless i desperately want him to represent me, then its basically wasting my electorate vote by voting for him. If I want to give some sort of Christian vote, then its more strategic to give my electorate vote to the local Christian candidate. (and if lots of people agree to do this, then theres a pretty good chance they'll get in)

okay, thats enough of that. I'm off to do uni work. I have 5 weeks until I am FINISHED!! That is three tests, and one essay. Yay =)

for all those who've complained about the lack of postage, here- have a morbid poem.

so very pale like a meringue,
smoother, softer than brie cheese
coloured veins flowing below
my translucent, waxy skin

i'm reminded of a time when
innocent to my turmoil,
slippery wet with salty tears,
aching stab from deep within

gripping scissors tightly, i'd
gently pull across my wrist
slowly red spilling on white,
the real hurting to begin

such unavailing, useless hope
wanting blood to heal my heart
and that to externalise
would cut out all my pain

these oft forgotten memories
return now to my soft touch
twas not many years ago
but no single scar remains