glimpses

Finally I have a small moment of time out of the wild rat race of life in which to post. Lately I've been thinking about lots of things I would like to post about, and there are three main things that I will write about if I find time in the next two weeks (or more, but after that its back into the Uni grind again)...

I've had an interesting last few days. I'm finding it interesting to see what study does to me.... I get very focused, but also feel so much guilt at the large amounts of time I spend procrastinating. In addition, i'm hyper sensitive to whats going on around me, and get upset at little things.
Today was a great test. Hopefully I have done well... Its good being able to come out of an assessment (worth 30%) and really feel that you have not let yourself down. (like I often feel)
But, I have been studying for this test for the last few days, and before that I had a 25% test last thursday, so the stress of concentration and feeling you're getting nowhere has been getting to me a bit. Although, I'm finding it far less stressful having tests instead of essays... that way the stress is spread out in that you learn the stuff over time then have a bit of a cram over three - five days (compared to having a massive barney in five - seven days, essay-style)

Another thing that has been, i guess, weird lately is that i have certain friends whom i spend time with in a sort of mutual-support relationship, and I've been finding it hard not to take other people's issues on board. Its so easy to keep their problems separate from my problems, and to not lie awake at night hurting for them.

Speaking of which, i shall dump some baggage of my own on you, oh blog.
Sometimes i just feel like such a failure. That i don't study hard enough, that I'm not a better friend, that there aren't enough hours in the day to accomplish all the things i'd like to do, that i'm not a marvellous girlfriend, that i'm not spending enough time with God, and that the time I do spend with Him is a pale subsitute for what it could be.

I wish there were clearer Biblical guidelines for how couples should act. I wish my boss didn't try and guilt trip me into working. I wish my mother wouldn't say things like 'you have disappointed me AGAIN'. I wish I could sort things out myself instead of feeling like I need other people to support me.

I wish i knew the answers to everything and that not knowing didn't hurt so much.