Finding that desert place...
I was lying in bed last night, lamenting the trouble i'm having with sleeping lately, when my brain started to go wild. It started to think along tracks I've been avoiding, and ponder issues that i've glossed over.
Something is askew in my life and I like it. I'm happy here. I don't want to re-join the rest of society and be active.
My average day goes like this: alarm goes off at 8.15, get up at 8.45, get breakfast and read the paper. Waste time online, 10.30 have a shower and get ready. 11.45 get some lunch. Go to class at some stage in the afternoon, while surrounded by time wasting. In the evening, waste some more time. Go to bed at 11pm.
I have a very fulfilling life.
I am happy being unsocial and doing sweet damn all with my time.
Really?
I go to a different church every week
I stopped going to cellgroup cos I couldn't see any point to going
I dont have regular contact with anyone over the age of 25 or under 18
I've somehow dropped all but about 3 or 4 friends off the close list
And I don't really have any non-christian people around me
I don't take part in any social activities
And most stupidly, I dont read the bible every day cos i dont know what to read, and I don't pray every day because I can never think of anything to pray for.
Go back and read it all again. I'm a loser!! (In the nicest sense of the word)
Sometimes I can't believe how pathetic I am....
I ~want~ to get involved in some sort of helping-the-community thing
I yearn to have a church family I can be part of
I desire to be a better friend to more than four people
I'd love to have more social things i'm involved in
And most importantly, above all else, I want to be a daughter worthy of my Father's name. I want to bring Him glory and honour, and have him proud to call me his child.
I think i've got some work to do! Anyone got a prodding stick I could borrow?
5 Comments:
Very interesting thoughts.
Sorry I lost my prodding stick.
yo michelle.
nice post by the way, although you do have quite a dilemna.
and as with most big dilemnas, there is no quick fix. but from the outside looking in it sounds like you need some discipline. now i'm not a discipline star myself, and wade through a variety of my own struggles.
but things I have found helpful in my spiritual life have been:
committing to my local church, (not always fun, and mostly hard work, but pretty rewarding.) its means you have to miss out on some stuff, but your church is supposed to be your spiritual family, so you should spend regular time with them.
having 2 or 3 real close christian mates - ones that cut thru the bollocks and just question how you are, encourage and support you. quite a blessing and hard to find, but well worth it.
reworking your schedule:
this was probably the hardest for me, and i still struggle with it.
but having a 9-5 job helps, cause you have to use your free time wisely - but i still struggle to do all the things that i am supposed to.
anyway, thanks for sharing. maybe these will help?
take care.
Evil Advice:
Do not be callin yourself A Loser! self-depreciation is good for humour much of the time, but not good for the psyche! :) Besides, lying is bad. and bananas are devil fruit.
As Carl said, get involved with a Church group or three thousand, but realise that no church is perfect, in fact, like mine at the moment, they may even break your heart and make you really disgusted with them :) perservere work towards the prize and hope its not booby trapped.
but hey! thats what we are! we are all humans struggling to get along with eachother and our God.
Holy Contradictory-ness batman! you can't be unsocial (is that a word?) if you have friends - including but not limited to boyfirneds ^_^
I reckon be glad that the people who are your friends ARE Christian :) It's great (as you already know) to have Christian friends. Dont feel you're isolated by not having any close non-Christian friends, I don't mean stop being friendly, but dont get down about it ^_^
Common Shelley! Give us a smile :) (thats an order Dammit!)
Your Evil Advisor
SAM
Aw Sam... you're my favourite evil advisor *sniff*
~hug~
Aah!!! So thats where it is!!
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