Its not about me - Part 1

This is just part one. When I get more time, I'll post more thoughts about this issue


I don't care about me. I don't care about what I want. I don't care about how I feel.
All i want to care about is God, what He wants, and how He feels. Is he satisfied with our meagre praise? Is he happy with the things his people are saying about him? Does He want us to be preaching this doctrine?

I don't want to give to God because I will get blessings back... I want to give to God because of who He is, and because He told me to.
I don't want to put conditions on God's powers - that I will praise him "'til it turns out right"- I just want to praise him no matter what. I want to praise him because He's God and I'm supposed to. I don't want to place much emphasis on what I want, and things i do in my own strength, I want to forget all about me, to exalt God for the King of all Kings that He is.

When things were pretty awful about a month ago, it really upset me that I would go to a church and they would say things like, "God blesses us with so much, He gives us so much good stuff. When we are faithful to God, he showers us with amazing blessings, much more than we could ever have imagined. Isn't it great that when we go through the hard times God is right beside us? That we can feel him closer than a brother? That he is right beside us, leading and guiding us all the way?"
This really upset me because when I looked around me I couldn't see any blessings, It felt like everything good was gone. It certainly didn't feel like God was right beside me, if anything it felt like He had abandoned me. I couldn't afford my rent, couldn't pay back my debts, couldn't buy new clothes. So was it that God wasn't there? That he didn't care for me? That I wasn't his child anymore?
I believe that God is always there, but this isn't reliant on our feelings. I also believe that sometimes God draws back from us so that we learn just how much he has equipped us with. I also think that the times we learn the most, and grow most in character are the times when it feels like everything's gone wrong.
I also don't believe that our favour in God's eyes is shown through how much we have - how many 'blessings' we get.

I think i'm twisting two issues in to one in this post, but the points i'm trying to explore are that 1) It's not about me, its about God. and 2) Things like the prosperity doctrine and 'feeling' God are off the track.