octangly spandango flip

I miss my aunty. I wanted to go round to her house yesterday, but i couldn't.
Its hard when you get upset about stuff and you can't think of anyone with whom you feel like crying. All i wanted was to drive over to her house and rant about stuff thats been going on lately. I got up to leave, and nearly got to the car, and realised that i was just on autopilot and i couldn't actually go and see her. I tried to think of someone else who i could go and talk with. But there was no one.
The past few weeks I haven't had work, and many times i've wanted to go to her place for tea, and just play with the kids for a few hours. But i can't.
This year i wanted to have the option of living at her house like a border. But thats not possible.

Yesterday i ended up blubbering away all over Helen's shoulder. So yay for Heln being comforting and helpful. But boo hiss for not having anyone else with whom i could do that. When i read Reuben's blog today, his latest post reminded me of my conversation with Heln yesterday. We both have noticed that we need to expand our friendship circles, as well as strengthening ties with some of our current friends.
It really sucks when you want to do something or talk with someone and you can't actually think of a suitable friend. This makes me realise that i need to keep making friends, and keep maintaining friendships.


I'm really confused about what to do this year. These are the plans in my brain:

a) live with Ruth and Ray, and finish my degree at UC.
a1) work at world vision part time
a2) work in the uni library part time

b) live with Ruth and Ray, finish BA at UC and do some distance Bible College papers

c) go up to Auckland for a youth Missions programe with Carey and find accomodation up there

d) go somewhere in the north island and do bible college-y type papers

e) skive off overseas and do a YWAM missions course.

Me = confused.
I'm hopefully meeting with my mentor next week sometime to have a chat. Otherwise prayers and ideas would be appreciated.