waffles

In my thighs a thin woman is trapped. (dont know how she got there in the first place) (no, i jest!)
I've often felt that if i could just slim my legs down a bit then i would be quite happy with my body. (rather than just indifferent towards it)
Not that it makes any difference to who i am, or anything else, but it would be easier to buy clothes, and i would not feel so occasionally self conscious.

Just so you know, this is not an issue that really bothers me too much, i'm not one of those people that are constantly obsessed with their bodies; its just an observation. I don't really care too much either way, just sometimes i feel that i truly am bordering on the fat/thin line. Sometimes i think it would be easier to just come out of the closet as a fat girl.
(and by fat i dont mean really fat. I just mean very curvy and wears big baggy clothes all the time. Frumpy. Squishy. etc)

He he
this is a funny post.
For the last 7 years i've been not thin. I've not been fat either. I've been curvy. I have not worn swimming togs in about 7 years because my thighs scare me.(tee hee) However, they seem to be stuck the way they are, so i'm not too concerned. First year at uni i strangely started losing weight and looking heaps better. At the start of 2004, i was down to 53kgs, which was the lightest i've been in a few years. That was good! But then i started getting lazy, and now i'm up to 60kg, which is the heaviest i've ever been. I'm stuck with one pair of pants cos i dont want to buy any more!

I feel that i have to state this again, a sort of clause or guarantee so you all know i'm not upset.

I dont care about body image, because unless you are unhealthily fat or thin then what size you are doesnt matter, as everyone has a different body shape
Im doing a thinking post, not a feeling post. Occasionally my size bothers me, but not often. So this is just an observations post, its not one of those *sob* i'm too fat *sob* posts... he he!


Just to distract you all, i'll talk about something else. How come dreams are so vividly real sometimes? Why do they feel like an actual part of you? How come you can wake up in the morning and feel like you're missing a piece of yourself because you can't ever grasp it back?

Dreams fascinate me. Probably cos i have quite vivid ones. I have very vivid scary dreams, about all sorts of things from Marilyn Manson, to dinosaurs. In the scary dreams i'm usually being chased. In fact, in a lot of dreams, i'm being chased.
In many of my dreams, there are people who are important to me. These are just dream people, and i don't know them in reality, but in dreams they mean so much to me. People like my husbands, my friends, my family, etc. Who are these people, and why am i dreaming about them? And when i wake up, and realise that they are gone forever, i feel a little twinge. For some amount of time, they were everything to me.
How weird!

I've been having massive dream epics lately, that go on and on for ages, and are very vivid, and the characters are important to me. One i had a couple of nights ago was where i was (OH I KNOW! it must have been after watching fear factor!) handcuffed, and i was with these evil people. I managed to get the keys and run away, with them chasing me. I met this nice guy who hid me in a closet. The evil man nearly found me, and the boy and i found a secret passageway. Sounds simple when written down, but really it was quite elaborate, and felt like it was taking an age! In the end, we were just about to expose this guy as evil when the dream changed and i woke up. I was quite disappointed and longed to go back just to finish it off, and be free.

Another dream epic, that i've had more than once, is where i'm on the titanic. (Well i know its the titanic, even if it doesn't look much like it!)
When i was at highschool, i used to have dreams about my school, with huge buildings that had many staircases and floors, and getting horribly lost on them. Those dreams were scary, and i'm not exactly sure why, but i had them lots of times, but varying slightly. In fact, i've had at least one this year.

I can't think of anything else to say about that right now, just that dreams fascinate me. If anyone knows anything (scientifically proven) about dreams, then pass it my way :)
toodles!