no regrets?
i wrote it in the dark, thought i had a clean sheet of paper, but like a hidden code, i wrote overtop of notes on the Purpose Driven Life... an encoded poem, for only me to find.
stay,
please stay with me tonight
oh how i need you so
come cover me, show me why i believe
dont leave me, i couldnt bear it
oh how i need you so
draw me close, in your arms
whisper that you love me
and so you'll never leave me
just stay, please stay, dont ever leave
those was thoughts from yesterday.
These is thoughts from today...
And they goes along the lines of "What If?"
im sure God doesnt want us to live our lives with rue, with regrets, and What If's... dwelling on the past isnt that healthy, especially when we look to things that could have been, but werent, and wish they were. You can't live your life in the past - if only i had done this, x would be different, if i hadnt tried this, y would still be here.
However, im still wondering... what if this was the only time i ever saw Ben again (im pretty sure it wont be, but for the purpose of my unproductive thought train it is)? what if all my life i regret not having said something. Talked to him, and shown that i am happy, and have moved on. What if i am old and grey and married to someone else, with grown up children and i still wonder to myself "what if?" I wish i had taken that opportunity.
The theme of Get Smart this year was Carpe Diem - seize the day...
And i know talking to some old boyfriend you kissed in c-block in broad daylight, thereafter changing your life, isnt exactly a good example of carpe diem. But you get the picture. Take every opportunity. the bible verse i was learning today was Colossians 4v4,5 about having the right words when opportunities arise... If you have the chance to apologise to someone you've fought with. Do it. If you have the chance to renew an old friendship. Do it. If you are given the opportunity to speak about the hope you have in Christ Jesus. Do it.
Don't live a life filled with regrets. Seize every opportunity that can be used for good and run with it...
4 Comments:
Wow, someone going through exactly what I am! Yay! I know exactly what you mean about the pang.
From my own experience, its like a big chunk of your life has been cut out. It doesnt get any easier, and you always feel a connection with the people that you love, and its hard to go back to just being friends - but thats always easier said than done.
As someone who is WAAYYY not out of the feeling hurt stage, I'm not really sure what advice I can give, but a thought that has helped me is that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. Whether that makes it incest or not is another issue :)
Its very important to forgive, even if you don't forget. Make sure the other party knows that you forgive them as well, but space is still important.
Other than that, hang in there - youre not the first person to have to deal with this, and you certainly wont be the last, and remember, someone up there has big plans.
"What if" these two words are evil. seriously!
We cant change the past. (not YET anyway.. heh heh heh) ANd though we may think about it, that was the only way things could have happened.
"What if" is a constant thorn in my side, as i know that every choice i make now will impact the rest of my life.
I think that instead of saying "What if" I think the best thing to do is realise that God has the past present and future in his hands, and whatever happens, its all under his control. Here's a quote one of my friends always uses!
"Don't worry about tomorrow, because God is already there!"
Smile Chelle! :) Keep the Joy in your heart! and let it bubble over like some...big...bubbly thing! ^_^
Cool poem... you should keep writing them! Poetry exposes the heart in a profound way, and it is its platant honesty that gives it such power.
Generally I try and avoid thinking about what could have been. But I usually fail. Fortunately, God has been looking out for me. In the context of relationships, if I think of all the 'could have beens', I'm glad they weren't. Often I think God shut the door quite forcably because I was too blind to see what was good for me, and what was not.
I don't really know your situation, but I believe God guides the steps of the righteous. He loves us far more than many sparrows, and so I think He cares about our hearts too. It was only this year when I realised I actually love God - I'm not just saying it anymore. Somehow from that love comes strength for other relationships (or lack thereof in my case).
I have often asked God to take away my feelings if He doesn't want me to have them... I got really mad for many years about it until I realised the secret. He can only do this when we give our hearts totally to Him. Quite completely, quite literally. Give God free reign of all our desires. Come to the scary place of being able to honestly say, "If You want me to be single for the rest of my life for Your sake, I will." Because God wants the first place in our hearts. He is a jealous God, but when He knows that a relationship won't push Him out of our hearts, He knows He can entrust us with one.
Of course, this sounds easy for me to say, having not been in a relationship. Do you often feel like you're the other half of someone, and someone is the other half of you, and without that person you're missing something as dear to you as you are to yourself? I'm not sure if that's common, I guess it is. But, as I say to myself so often, for I firmly believe it, if we can't be happy single, we'll find it hard to be happy married.
As you can tell, I like to type about these sort of thigns, and I type fast =)
hey thanks you guys, you are awesome friends!! its good to know that you all love me!!
Reubz - i like poems, but mine arent usually coherent like yours or Frasers... they're more like random scribblings of thought that dont really rhyme or flow much... and the world tells you that if it doesnt do either of those things then its not a proper poem, hee hee!!
Phil - yeah, i hate living under what if's so i usually try to not have regrets, which is a good thing to do i guess :)
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