appeasement
sometimes I worry that I'm such a bad person.
My brother is getting sentenced for a crime tomorrow, and my mum told me a few weeks ago that I should hang out with him a lot before tomorrow, in case he got sent to jail. I, of course, rebelled and said that I didn't usually hang out with him, so why should I start now.
Then yesterday I started to think 'what if he really goes to jail' and then I got worried that I hadn't seen him for a few weeks, so I asked him over for tea tonight.
Now I feel really really stink because I have this horrible feeling that I just invited him over to appease my conscience, not because I actually wanted to spend time with him.
I'm not sure that that is entirely true, but what if it is?
I've been feeling that a lot lately - I have all this annoyance and bad feeling for others going around in my head, and thoughts of what I should be doing, but invariably end up not doing. And Adam trys to tell me that its a good sign I think about doing bad things, but then don't do them - but I still worry that I'm thinking them in the first place.
Like when my neighbours play loud music, and I really want to go and throw eggs at them
and all the other bad things that I think.
1 Comments:
You are totally normal. Once when my boss did something annoying and made me work late last year, I felt like saying "If you ever do that again I will chop you up into tiny, tiny pieces, stir-fry you with tasty sauces and serve you to your own children."
Sadly, I have never used that line on a boss (or anyone else). The desire is still there :) If you want to chat about stuff sometime, let me know. I am free most afternoons.
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