For Christina

Apparently I haven't posted on this for a long time. I think that might be true. I have been begged by my remaining fans (all one of them) to inject some new life into my blog.

You may be surprised to know that I haven't been posting simply due to mere laziness, but also because the computer helps to make me sick, so I've been staying away from it. Plus I have a husband to whinge to now.

Anyway here I am.... writing.... posting.... boring you all senseless....

Nothing much is happening in my life. Has happened. Will ever happen. (lol)
I had 5 months off work earlier this year while I tried to heal from RSI (back/neck/shoulder problems due to bad posture and computer/photocopier usage) and am now working 16 hours a week for a mentoring trust. Doing Admin work. With computers and photocopiers. Of course. Wouldn't that be just the silly thing I'd do.
The job is good in some ways because I can walk there and the hours are flexible. But on the other hand there is far more computer work than they told me there would be, and the people I work with are a bit annoying. I know that nothing is perfect, but some people seem to find a job that they like, and not have any issues with the people they work with. Is that so hard to ask for? Or am I just a picky cow who would find fault with everything (stop that sniggering - I CAN HEAR YOU)? Or does God like punishing us - life is not meant to be happy?

And speaking of God... sometimes I dont understand Him. Or at least, there are times when I think I've got a handle on it all, and then I realise I'm further than ever. With the increase of knowledge comes the realisation that you know less than you did before. The more you learn, the more you know there's always more to learn.
Why does one person's baby die? Why does anothers live? Why does one person enjoy their career and another can never find satisfaction? Why does one person spend $600 at presents at Christmas, and another lives in a dirt shack? I can't put God in a box, and that can be very frustrating.

I often put myself in a box, and that can be frustrating. (not literally in a box, ok) (although there was this one time...)
Like I think I'm a sad loser with no friends who is always sick and hurts a lot and cannot find satisfaction in this life. I want to have a nice house and travel overseas, but I can't even work a 20 hour week so how can I ever achieve that? They tell me that my sickness is all in the mind, but why does my body tell me its got pain if it hasn't really?! I'm not motivated enough, clever enough, thin enough, curly-haired enough, sorted enough.

And thats why I don't post on here much. Because sitting on the couch feeling bored is less emotionally draining.

But today I have a book to read. About the worst jobs in history. And there is some avertising that has come. That will stimulate my brain and challenge me for the afternoon.
yeah right.

Hopelessly inept.

At least Christmas makes me think about Hope, and Love, and God - whilst being so damn confusing - really loving me. I'm confused and inept at many things, but I am pretty sure that God loves me. So I'll try and be happy and read my book and not complain. Not that I ever complain about anything...