today

Hello blog.

Had another fight with V at work today. Last week she told me that the reason we had been turned down for funding applications was because I'd done the previous ones all wrong, and this one was going the same way... and I got mad and told her that that was completely unfair, especially as the one I was working on we had never applied for before...
And then today, I took a phone call from a funder, wanting to arrange a meeting with two staff or Board members, so I told the lady that if she could let me know when she was free, we could be free whenever she wanted to have the meeting. And then I got barrelled when I got off the phone, and told that I shouldn't be taking phone calls, and it was V's application, not mine, so I needed to keep out of it and pass the phone to her in future, and under no circumstances should I be at the funding meeting....
Aren't administrators/secretaries supposed to take phone calls and arrange meetings?! Am I not capable of dealing with a simple phone call?! If I'd thought I couldn't deal with it, or if the lady had asked for V I wouldn't have hesitated to pass the phone over....
I was so mad I had to walk out of the office for a bit. I went to the toilet, and V obviously was so scared/grumpy after that that while I was on the bog she used the men's toilets next door...

I have to keep reminding myself that the reason she keeps abusing me is because of her own job and funding insecurities, not because I'm really doing it all wrong. I have discussed it with my boss before, and he knows how difficult it is, but when he's not around she makes the most grossly unfair and untrue statements to me. And she's started saying again that they don't have any money to pay me (although this time its true) and they should never have hired me, and they may as well just fire me... (Which, I admit, is less of a bother than when she was saying it before - a week or two after I'd started the job)

I've now been there for 6 months. I'm proud of myself - this time last year I was just finishing work because I was in so much pain, and although things aren't great now, at least I can work again.
I've decided I'd really like to upskill, and I've been investigating postgraduate diplomas. At this stage, the three I'm considering are in Museum studies, Planning, or History. I'd really really like to do UC's graduate history diploma, as I could take courses like "resistance and conformity in nazi germany", "the holocaust and its legacy", "war and society in europe 1900-1945", "soviet domination in Eastern Europe" and a few other papers in whatever subjects I like. However, I'm still not really sure where having a graduate diploma in history would leave me. Probably still out of a job? Plus the courses I most like the look of aren't running in 2008, so that would have to be next year.

Why aren't I a square peg, fitting that square hole - I want to be a teacher, Miss. I want to be a fireman, Sir. I want to be a paleontologist, Teacher. All I know is that I adore learning about certain areas of history - in particular, militaries, war, and society. What can I do with that?!

And anyway. I'm sick of having a sore neck. Fix me, God. Gosh I wish I was all better.