Hurdles

I'm a fool.

I'm just so confused at the moment. Where is the line between enjoying the life God has given us, and living only for His second coming?
Where is the line between making friends and simply being nice to people for evangelism purposes?
I love this world... but i need to be living for things eternal.
I need God's purposes to be my purposes.
Why can't I just take off for Africa tomorrow and give my whole life for those precious children? Why do I have to think about "what if i need a degree 10 years in the future"?
I DONT KNOW.....................!
Argh.

Why can't I be a vessel completely devoted to God? What is stopping me?

I think what is at the root of all this is that i'm so aware of how short and how precious life really is. And just how blasted much of this time i am wasting on trivial things. *sigh*