It all makes sense!!!

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.(NIV 2 Corinthians 12v9-10)

Thanks to the brilliance of the book that is Red Moon Rising, I have had a thought! And a really awesome one at that. In my weakness and fragility, my reliance on God and trust in Him increases. Thats as simple as it is.
In the words of Pete Greig, "Whatever the thorn [referring to the idea of Paul's thorn in the flesh, 2 Corinthians 12v7] , these things keep us feeling week, dependent on God and painfully aware that" [my ending] all amazing stuff in my life is not through my awesomeness, but through God's. (p189, Red Moon Rising)
Pete also talks about coming to the conclusion that God will use us when we are weak and foolish, rather than when we think we are heroes. To use us, God needs us to be weak and childish, and then all the credit belongs to Him. (p192)

Another thing that I was reminded of was that in my pain, I am developping tools for helping others. Yesterday, when I thought of Sunday's hurting girl, all I wanted to do was gather her in my arms and hug her, tell her I loved her, and pray with her. I had such sorrow for her, and so pained that she had gone through it by herself.
Last year I came to realise that most of the big hurtful things in my life have actually given me experience, and helped develop Spiritual Gifts in my life. The thing that has stood out most is Mercy. I understand this so much now. When I see aching lives, I ache too. When i see hurting people, I hurt too. When I see loneliness, I feel that stab too.
God works in His own weird ways (eg. Joshua and Jericho), and if it takes me feeling destitute for a few days to develop more compassion and mercy in my life, then so be it.

I'll leave you with one last quote from Red Moon Rising, "God is mobilizing an army, but it is a broken army that marches on its knees. As Christians, we are not immune from the pain of the world around us, and in addition to these trials we find ourselves engaged in a spiritual battle against temptation and demonic attack. As our Commander-in-Chief inspects the ranks of his wounded, weeping soldiers, he speaks to you and he speaks to me saying, 'Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth'"(p195-6)