Qualities revised =)
Okay, i've been thinking some more (blush) about this "qualities in the opposite sex" thing. With help from Mike and Fraser, i'd like to share an idea i've had.
I think we're always taught to have qualities that we look for in the opposite sex. For example, as a girl i should be looking for a guy who is committed to God, striving to further his relationship with the King of Kings, likes to have fun, but is serious when necessary, etc...
For me, i've always thought that i'd love a guy who was really passionate about Jesus and had a silly sense of humour. Perhaps the reason for this is that those are things i admire in myself?
Which leads me to the idea i had a few minutes ago.
*tension-building music*
We should have a list of "qualities" that we are looking for in another person, but this list should be comprised of things that the other person fulfils in us.
I know that sounds a little selfish, but if you look at the idea of marriage being two halves of a whole, or the other person 'completing' you, making you a better you, then this idea is a good one.
I remember once reading a MSN personals ad that was a girl looking for "a guy who will make me the best ME i can be" (or something like that) And i thought, man... that sounds really selfish. This relationship is all about ME and how I can be bettered.
But in a way that is true. Marriage is designed to bring out the best in us- the other person will compliment us, encourage us to be all that we can be, inspire us to deepen our relationship with God, and challenge us to go further.
I think that when we look at it from this perspective, it becomes easier to see what is trivial and what is important when you're considering a future partner.
I've only discovered this idea about half an hour ago, so i'm still working on it. I also think that you should prayerfully consider what should be on your list, and what is not important...
However, i've known some of this stuff for ages, without subconsciously recognising it... so heres what i think i've come up with:
1. A guy who is as committed to and passionate about God as I am. Someone who wholeheartedly desires to be godly and a good example of Christ.
(this probably means someone who is pentecostal, as this is the style of church that defines me, so it would be best to have a guy who is into something similar)
2. Someone who values and treasures my passions
-Africa and the 3rd world
-Politics
-Simple childlike things eg Duckies and squirrels and playgrounds
-languages
3. Someone who will support my plans for the future, re. missions overseas and in NZ
4. Someone who shares a love for other people, and is willing to open their home or counsel others when needed.
There... thats the basic idea. But i really like it! Those of you who read this will probably think "duh, i've known that for ages" ... but i had never thought of it like that before!!
The things that are important in making you who you are should be things the other person recognises and encourages. Thats probably all the qualities you need look for!
(and by 'look for' i dont mean like get out there with your notebook and write down all the good things you're seeing in other people, i just mean that when something comes along, you can refer to the qualities for guidance)
Still, like always, i need feedback on this, so i'd like to hear your ideas :) Hopefully i will find something else to think about soon so i can stop making you all think about relationships for the billionth time!!
(By the way - i want to make it clear that i believe all these qualities should be reciprocal. You should equally expand and encourage and inspire the other person to be all that they can be...)
6 Comments:
Maybe instead of thinking about the qualities we would like our future husband/wife to have, we should be thinking about the qualities we should have as future wives/husbands/single people. Kinda turning it back the other way round and working on those qualities in ourselves. God's gonna sort it out anyway...
My comment on the previous post, (here) was related. People keep posting stuff, and beating me to it!
Yeah, like Ruth said, I think we should consider, what we can offer the other person, what they can offer us. Basically, look in terms of what the relationship will look like.
G'day! (does anyone actually say that here? im not sure! :P)
I realise you probably dont mean it as a checklist, as you say, and that im probably coming from a whole 'nother perspective here, but i think that 'looking' for stuff is wrong.
I dont think that we will ever find someone that fits all our qualities, although you might be lucky. you never know!
I think that when you fall in love with someone you accept the things that endear them to you, the things that you are looking for, but as well as this, all the 'faults' as you see them.
Its great to know what kind of things you like about people, like, i can see from retrospect what kind of things I can accept and stand, in different people, especially girls ive gone out with (not really that many! :P). And while this may be helpful from the point of view of 'avoiding' a 'bad choice' if we concentrate only on these things, then we close ourselves in, also make ourselves a bit elitist. By dicounting one person based on one certain quality, how do you know that this relationship couldnt have worked out perfectly?
As to the God aspect of this. im going to paraphrase something that someone said to me:
"While I think that God would bless a relationship between two people (kind of like the 'ONE'), I think He also gives us the choice. I think in some things, which are neither good nor bad, God leaves it up to us. It would be wrong of me to presume that God is either for or against a relationship"
Maybe instead of 'Qualities revised', you should 'qualify the revision'? why does an issue such as this need to be concious? i think a lot of it is subconcious. (maybe it should all be subconcious, otherwise we would be constantly picking flaws in our partners! :P)
I didnt express that exactly the way Id like to have, but im not quite sure how to say what im thinking about it! :P (Brain=Blah)
Good post, I'll be posting this week on some things that will hopefully shed some light here.
Oh, and I heard it said once:
"Marriage is half finding the right person, and half being the right person."
nice quote, Reubs :)
I like the idea of incorporating Ruths idea into my idea (i mean, i'd always considered that a part of my philosophy, just an implicit part) - in that YOU should be the kinda girl a guy would want to marry first, and then yeah... bah... run out of thoughts.
Anyway, thanks to you guys for your feedback :) I appreciate it!
And its helped me a bit in this "help! i like this guy a lot and it scares me" thing :)
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