fruitless blogging obsession

*sigh* its a sad fact, but i have to acknowledge it- blogging is my lifeline sometimes. Its become my link to all you guys and because i dont live in the same area or even the same city, its that little bit of extra contact i really need sometimes. Unfortunately nobody has as much spare time as us expert-procrastinators (are we really experts if we end up stressed, upset and doubting though? *ponders*), and so most of the time its only worth checking blogs twice a week at the most.
When im working on assignments or not able to come into town cos petrol is so expensive, etc, i find myself checking blogs at lot. Which of course is fruitless - if i check at 10.30pm and theres no new posts or comments, theres not likely to be any more posts/comments at 11am the next morning. Which is why this is a bad cycle to be in... i know im just wasting time by checking, but this little part of me is really desperate for some form of contact.

I hate that i can't drop by anyones' flats for 1/2 an hour or an hour, because it is over 1hr driving time to get from here into the City and back again. I yearn for that; to just be able to bike over to someone's flat for coffee, and complete the journey home in 5 minutes.
I remember crying lots at the start of the year because i so wanted to leave home (as i've said in a previous post, this year it wasnt cos things were so terrible at home, but because most of my life is in chch and i feel its time to jump 100% in to that life) and be able to have the freedom to stick on a worship cd, and sing along really loudly in the morning, or to have a 1hr quiet time without any expectations, (i'll tangent on that another time) or to have phone calls any time of the day...

I guess i just feel a bit lost when 1 of my jobs (that i have now lost) is in Christchurch, my best friends are in christchurch, my monday-friday occupation is in Christchurch, my cell group is in chch..... I feel really torn most of the time, like i'm split. Where my heart aches to be anywhere but here, but for the meantime i cant do anything about it.

Maybe thats why i hide my feelings a lot... cos i recognise that the time i have with people is precious and i dont want to waste it talking about me... i'd rather learn all about them...? Dunno...

Anyway, i have to get on to this french essay... shut myself away in this little room and stare at the screen for hours... yay can't wait!!