ponderings about boys (how predictable)
hmm... a few things all in one post - just to annoy you all!
Welcome to Stevo... he gave in to the blogging pressure weeks ago and only just crumbled and told us!! Hi Steve!! *waves frantically* And ... wait for it.... I got first comment!!!! YAY!!
Secondly, what do you guys think about having a sign? Lemme explain myself better... for instance if you say "the day that someone does x, i will know that they are the right person for me". I dont mean totally seriously... but does anyone ever do that? I remember having this talk with a Hermil girl and she said "dont have a sign!! i had one and it came true!" (as in - someone actually did x and it wasn't necessarily a someone she was interested in i guess) Actually now that i've said it it sounds really weird.
I guess i'm gonna have to tell you....
I have always wished to be called 'walker' like to be walking along and hear "WALKER" yelled out and know its me someone's calling. I like the nickname so much ive decided i want my future husband to refer to me as Walker (occasionally), and my sign was that the person who called me Walker was the one (well one of the ones) cos consequently he would be someone who had gotten to know all the strange little things about me. (Yes, i AM weird, but you all know that.) Anyway, up until like this year there have only been two people that have ever called me Walker. These two people are Estie (who i love so much) and a guy from my highschool who is really weird.
But, this morning a guy that i really liked called me Walker. And then i felt like an idiot for having the whole sign thing. So i've decided to scrap it and never think about it again, except to laugh at it. But i felt like i needed to tell people about it. Not so you can all laugh at me for being a right dork, but just cos its funny how we get these silly ideas and let them become reality.
I guess another example is how i decided that i wanted a husband who was ticklish. Cos then we could be silly together. But like if i found a really great guy that just wasnt ticklish... would that actually influence my decision in any way? What kind of strange husband qualification is that anyway- must be ticklish?
Anyways, just wanted to ponder the weirdness of myself/human nature again...
I dont want to post too much about this, cos im one of those people that dont talk about stuff like this cos it feels like you're making something of nothing. Or if you actually admit it, then you've made it real. As opposed to it just being a silly pondering of your mind.
Anyway, i really like this guy... I've liked him for about 4 years. Yeah. sad eh!! I dont think he likes me, which is a bummer... but i really really like him. And its getting to the point where its corrupting my sleep!! Nooo!! Everyone knows my sleep is sacred!!
But i was thinking the other night - 2 big issues i have. If anything ever did happen with this guy (Which i really doubt), his father died 5 years ago, so he's only got a mother, and his family are dutch.
I've always wished for an awesome in-law family. With you know a mum and a dad and brothers/sisters.... and a whole other extended family to get to know.
I'm also a little scared of this guy's family, especially the dutch relatives. I've stayed with both grandparents and they, and his mother, are all a little formidable.
So... what im wondering is (this is kinda related to the sign thing) - what sorts of things are important, and what are just needless details? Should it matter that you are a little scared of someone's family?
If you have these little fantasies will God just bring along someone who perfectly fits all your qualificatons? Or sometimes is it just not important?
I'd really like some feedback with this one, as im starting to confuse myself. (not a good thing!!) thanks =)
7 Comments:
Signs are BAD mmmmmkay?
If you stop and think about it, signs are just things that you use to justify a bad idea.
For example - A girl you are totally NOT interested in inadvertantly does one of your "signs". You still don't want to marry her because you are not attracted to her and you have major personality conflict.
A girl you are amazingly attracted to, and she is attracted to you does one of your "signs". You were going great before, and would have done even if they hadn't done whatever it was. The fact that she does something you always wanted your significant other to do is a bonus.
A girl you really like, but for whatever reason, you know it's not a good idea shows one of the "signs". Here's where it gets tricky. You use the sign to justify that it IS a good idea after all. All your logic, careful thought and prayer go out the window just because they called you something/did something... whatever. The reason this happens is not because they did whatever it was that they did, but because you are looking for an EXCUSE to become romantically involved with them.
Mothers in law are SUPPOSED to be scary. That's their job description. They are supposed to make your life miserable and ask impossible things of you. Don't be put off a guy just cos his mother is scary. Unless of course you are considering going out with her instead.
So from my experiences, signs are bad. "The heart is decietful". Don't EVER trust JUST your heart. God knows what's best, and I am sure he is telling you one way or the other right now. Listen to him.
right, great thanks guys... :) Exactly what i wanted to hear, signs are silly. Good... i thought so.
But what about the rest, Fraser kinda hit on it - how much of the big things and how much of the small things about you should be compatible?
Like if my passion is Africa, and hes apathetic?
If i like squirrels and he doesnt?
If ive got a uni education and he doesnt?
If i like talking about politics, but he's got completely different view?
Arrr!!! how much is important and how much is trivial? Would the fact that you both love each other and are committed to each other be enough to make it work?
in fact, that leads me to another musing - whats the point of having qualities that you're looking for anyway?
Everyone knows that you're looking for a godly, passionate-about-God husband/wife... so what more qualities do you need than that? Is it a good idea to write a list of qualities you want your future partner to possess?
In fact, i've had another, more important thought.
Perhaps your "qualities" should be about you, and not about the other person??
Instead of looking for a guy who is into having fun, you look for someone who you can have fun with.
Instead of looking for someone who is childlike in their outlook (eg likes duckies and playgrounds), look for someone who encourages those things in you.
Instead of looking for someone who is passionate about Africa, someone who encourages and values that passion within you.
Whaddya reckon? thats a better idea isnt it? hmm....
Firstly, if you have too many qualities to look for, no-one will fit the bill, so you need to have some way of either cutting down the number of qualities, or knowing which qualities are good.
Picking silly precise little qualities is a bit stupid, because if you start to build up enough of these, you have an image in your mind of who you love, and ultimatly you will have to 'break up' with the image. You need to fall in love with your future partner, not fall in love with an image of them. Having too precise an idea of the perfect girl/guy will lead to a little dissapointment. (but then, neurochemicals are quite potent.)
My approach is to list the qualities I look for in terms of why I want these qualities. So for example, we need to be able to grow in the Lord together, so she can't be in a different spiritual place to me. This makes sure what I'm listing really matters, and I know what I can give up on. In fact, all the qualities on my list are revisable, and are being revised, because what matters is the function they achieve for the relationship.
The other thing is, once you've specified what you want the relationship to be like, you can act on the qualities that you aren't lacking. For example, if you want to go overseas with your husband, obviously you need to be prepared to go overseas with your husband, so you need to being something now. Its a trivial example, but you get the idea, if you take the goal of becoming one, supporting each other, etc, and comparing it against your character. So for a lot of guys this probably means being more open.
So yeah. Thats my philosophy.
Heh, signs. last summer in good olde Blenheim I met some guy and some of our mutual friends got married and I mentioned that I wanted to get married in bare feet (IF I get married, celibacy, grunt). Apparently this was one of the poor boy's 'signs', along with a few slightly more general others, that unfortunately I also fit the bill for. So then he convinced himself that he was madly in love with me, despite the fact that we were in totally different spaces and just not suited for each other at all, at all. And he knew it too, and things got hooribly messy and confusing.
yeah. signs.
I used to have a list! We were actually encouraged to write one out in cell group when I was 16. go figure. Since then, my ideas have got a lot more general, like rather than picking out some random thing that you think would be cool in a partner, looking behind that to what underlying quality it's an expression of. And then thinking about how important that quality is and why it is. But really, if you're liking someone enough to want to do the relationship thing, they should be embodying a decent number of those qualities whether you've thought about it properly or not.
yay! you commented on my blog!! oh how i have awaited this moment!! yay!
Yeah, love your comments...
Its always helpful to have stories to back stuff up rather than just my own feeble opinions =)
And i really liked your last comment... thats the way i see it... that you could make anything work with God (within reason obviously)
thanks for commenting!
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