The Importance of Being Darcy

There is a question that has plagued the literary mind for many years, and begs to be answered: Why did Fitzwilliam Darcy appear so proud and conceited? Was it that he was merely shy, and did not like foreign company or dancing? Was he fed up with the simpering attentions of females like Caroline Bingley or Mrs Bennett? Or had bad experiences, like that with Wickham, cautioned him against those who may be interested only in his fortunes (thus turning him against nearly all the female species)?

Until now, we have had to satisfy ourselves with these, or similarly poor explanations. But no more shall we suffer with these pale attempts at analysing Darcy. The time has come when our question has been answered by an enlightened one, and this shall be the theory to top all theories, that which will satisfy even the most Austen-oriented mind. Thanks to Coleen V., we can employ a better understanding of the stiff Darcy, and put our uneasy minds to rest. Our handsome, haughty hero has been exposed as an ordinary man, pushed to his limits by ..... an extraordinary pair of trousers.