Resignation

I feel like I should be drinking myself into oblivion, sitting here at the computer, finding myself unemployed for the second time in a month. I am not bubbling with happiness, like the last time, although 'V' is bubbling down my throat - my poison of choice. I meant to buy lift plus, and instead wound up with 'V', which is less sweet than Lift, and so I feel suitably angsty: drowning my sorrows in bitter drink, gritting my teeth and drowning in cynicism.
And eating chicken sandwiches.
Thats not quite so sorrowful and dangeresque.
Anyway.

The computer training intro to my job made me sick (literally) and in pain, so I asked their assessment lady to set me up on the computer, which helped for a little while, but then it turned out that after the computer training finished, I would be spending just as much time on the computer as I was during training. Which was basically 7 hours a day. Considering I had to finish up my last job because my body was packing in from computer use (and heavy lifting)....

I felt a bit of a nob, and it took a lot of courage to speak to someone about it. Especially as my Team Leader was a male, and not the overly sympathetic type. But it worked out ok, and the Boss and Team Leader explained that I should do what was best for me, especially considering the large computer content of the work.

But as I say, I feel nob-by because the whole reason I left Archives was to let my body rest. I let that get clouded by my Mum hounding me about getting a job (and I know she was just trying to be helpful) and feeling pressured to be working. Plus, this new job sounded like the sort of work I might enjoy, and so I lost sight of myself and what I need, and stopped listening to the cries of warning coming from my body.

So I'm back at square one, although a different square one. This Square One says
I've got a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science (this leads me nowhere)
Computers really are ruining my body. Really.
I am a fidgety person who gets bored sitting at a desk all day

Actually, I'd like to contradict myself - I'm not back at Square One. I'm on a journey, you can't go back, you can't undo, you can't start over. This is just a twist that I didn't expect, well really perhaps I did and I just ignored it.

*sigh*

It's so complicated.

Where to from here?


I really don't know. I'm open to suggestions.