not-walker's rantings

Adieu

2009-05-29T13:15:00.001+12:00

I have finally updated my blog, and I want to make a clean break, so here it is

And now, I must go.

2008-11-26T07:56:00.002+13:00

A game I got from a blog on my husband's reader (Scott):

Rules:

* Grab the book nearest you. Right now.

* Turn to page 56.

* Find the fifth sentence.

* Post that sentence along with these instructions in a note to your blog (and on the comment section of this post).

* Don't dig for your favorite book, the coolest, the most intellectual. Use the CLOSEST.

My sentence: Her hat had fallen off.

Hehehehehehehehehe. I thought I was going to get an awesome one - as the book is about the Third Reich! (Fatherland, by Robert Harris)(and no, not *that* Robert Harris..)
Now I want to do this with all my books!!

All 384 of them!

Pink-washing

2008-11-24T07:45:00.002+13:00

Interesting article on Breast Cancer, and product "support"...

Something I've been wondering about for ages, especially when I saw products last month that gave about 5 cents to some form of breast cancer research/support, yet proudly displayed a pink lid/banner/packet...

Mmm.....mousse.....

2008-10-04T09:58:00.003+13:00

I found an easy recipe for delicious chocolate mousse - and its more "healthy" than normal mousse, as it doesn't have cream in it. It is *so* good.....

Jenny's chocolate mousse…
Serves six

Ingredients:
320g (12oz) strong dark eating chocolate
30g (1oz) unsalted butter
6 eggs
pinch of salt

Method:
Separate the eggs, placing the whites into a roomy bowl.
Break the chocolate into small pieces and put them in another roomy bowl set over a pan with a centimetre of barely simmering water. Add the butter and allow both to gently melt. Stir occasionally.
In the meantime, add a pinch of salt to the egg whites and whisk to the soft peak (floppy) stage. In a separate bowl, break up the yolks.
When the chocolate and butter have melted and have been allowed to cool for a couple of minutes stir in the yolks.
Cut and fold in the whites in three batches until seamlessly combined. Pour into ramekins and refrigerate for a couple of hours to set.

(Recipe from http://www.cookinfrance.com/chocolate%20mousse.html
"Jim Fisher is an English chef who runs www.cookinfrance.com: relaxed friendly hands-on cooking courses in the Dordogne region of south west France. Contact him via: http://www.cookinfrance.com or Tel: 0033 (0)553 302405")

The pitter patter of little feet....

2008-09-25T07:54:00.003+12:00

I keep thinking I hear the screams of little ratties, bleeding to death in our roof.

This morning I was dozing and had a wee dream that a snarling rattie jumped through the bedroom window and landed on me, trying to bite me, and I couldn't cry out to get Adam to come and get the rat off. Eventually I was able to call him, and we held the spitting, writhing rat down until we could throw him out the window.

hehe.

Awesome eh.

I dreamt about a rat!

Exciting news!

2008-09-23T15:18:00.003+12:00

I have some exciting news!

Adam and I have a new addition to the family.

Well, more than one addition.

And to our house, not our family.

We have rats.

Yes - rats!

How exciting!!

They are living in our roof, and have been for possibly quite some time. The Pest control man said that they have been having a ball with walnuts (from the neighbours tree that drops nuts into our yard), playing a sort of rat football with them up in our roof, and creating tracks around our ceiling space. He also said that they can jump up to 6 metres, so they have probably been getting in to our roof by climbing the shrubs in our garden, and jumping on to our gutter. This is exciting stuff. I kind of want to see them, but I'm not sure how safe (or easy) that would be - especially seeing as we're attempting to poison them. They might bite me to avenge their baby rat's deaths.
I've gotta admit. Even the thought of being bitten by a rat is kind of appealing. Adventurous and dangeresque...

But never mind, I wont try it. I'll leave the rats to die their noisy deaths.

Hello?

2008-09-16T10:45:00.003+12:00

Somebody's phone is ringing. It has been ringing for four minutes. This time. At 10:30 it rang for three minutes, and at 10:21 it rang for 2 minutes. It has been ringing for similar lengths of time since about 10:00.

I would like to point out that if nobody is answering the phone after about 18 minutes, then they are not going to answer it, or are not home, and YOU SHOULD HANG UP.

At least the phone ringing is better than our (i'm guessing) student neighbours' bassy music that is occasionally played at high volume. Or better than mice scratching in your ceiling at 4.30am.

A phone ringing is not bad. Not bad at all.

Life to the full, not a life full of restriction

2008-08-22T08:59:00.006+12:00

(Warning: This post talks about sex and condoms - you may not want to read it!)

Taxpayers fund flavoured condoms
The Dominion Post | Thursday, 21 August 2008

"Flavoured condoms will be subsidised by taxpayers to encourage safe sex and reduce the risk of disease and unplanned pregnancies.

... Conservative lobby group Family First has labelled the subsidised flavoured condoms as "morally bankrupt and an insult to people with breast cancer, high blood pressure and heart disease". It called for the Government to reverse this spending decision. National director Bob McCoskrie said it was "tragic and a national disgrace". "At a time when Pharmac can't find funding for sufferers of breast cancer, heart disease, high blood pressure and other serious problems, that they can find funding to subsidise flavoured condoms," he said.

"This is simply about funding sexual behaviour that shouldn't be at the cost of the taxpayer or other more life-threatening medication. "Is Pharmac going to consider subsidising sex toys next?" He cited a number of people missing out on funding for drugs. "Yet Pharmac can find funding for strawberry flavoured condoms."

So condoms are akin to sex toys are they? Having sex with your husband or wife is "sexual behaviour that shouldn't be at the cost of the taxpayer"? Many varieties of the contraceptive pill are taxpayer funded, does McCoskrie vehemently oppose this too? Do we want more unwanted children in New Zealand, forcing everyone that chooses to have sex to become pregnant?? This is religious correctness gone crazy!! I believe that God likes sex and that he encourages it within the healthy borders of marriage. Because I choose not to take the contraceptive pill, should I be forced to either become pregnant or not have sex with my husband?

And to add to the confusion, McCoskrie's own Family First website states that "according to statistics, married people enjoy better sex... God created sex to be most enjoyable within a committed marriage relationship". But God also said you can't get government funded condoms to enjoy this sex, right.....?? And as far as I've heard, if you were to have an unwanted pregnancy, and get an abortion, Family First would criticise you, but if you decide to use condoms to avoid this, then you are even more harshly criticised.
Additionally, Family First states that it is committed to "addressing the scourge of HIV/AIDS", but yet opposes funded condoms.
So what are we supposed to do - damned if we do, and damned if we don't.

I kind of feel like Jesus came to give us freedom from all these attempts to create restriction, and "correct" behaviour - and would rather that we focus on our hearts and the intentions behind our behaviour.

(Sorry for those of you on a feed, who will be getting this multiple times as I edit it!)

(Aside rant: All this law-creating drives me mad - I believe that there are more useful things that Family First could be doing instead of arguing against every decision made by our government - For example, helping poor people, encouraging the downhearted, walking alongside those who aren't christians - rather than condemning everybody! If Family First could fight as hard to stop domestic violence as they fought to keep smacking 'legal' then maybe our country would be a better place?)

Good books

2008-07-22T19:46:00.003+12:00

I would like to sing the praises of a little website called: www.goodbooksnz.co.nz

I just purchased my university textbooks there for cheaper than through Uni or Amazon, and with free shipping.

Oh, and with the profits going to charity!!

Huzzah for good websites :)

Intrepid journey

2008-07-18T08:23:00.002+12:00

I have been trying to get a voice recorder for my uni lectures. I discovered that they were cheaper overseas, and ordered one from a site called "aussie deals" - just to clarify in case the name wasn't clear enough, that is Australian- and chose to ship the item via Australia Post - which, again, to clarify, is also Australian.
Then we received an email saying that our order had been confirmed, and we could go to the 'Fed Ex' (Fed Ex?!) website to track it. After typing in our order number, it came up that our parcel had left Plano,TX and was in transit.
PLANO, TX?!
America?!
And today when I checked up on the progress, our tiny wee voice recorder had tranvelled to Memphis, TN, on to Los Angeles, CA and is now winging its way across the ocean!!

What an exciting adventure!

Squirrels are always beautiful

2008-06-06T09:16:00.002+12:00

King of the Hill rocks my socks. Yesterday there was an episode featuring stuffed squirrels!! It was so funny.... Peggy and Dale decided to enter a taxidermy competition, and their exhibit was of a group of squirrels dressed in little waistcoats and suits, supposed to be a depiction of the signing of the declaration of independance.
It was great. I wonder if the writers of KOTH have secret electrodes attached to my brain, and they probe it for plot ideas, because this one was so like something I would have thought up it was spooky!

Favourite quote: "Nothing says 'welcome to the neighbourhood' as much as a gunny sack full of dead squirrels" -dale

This was the closest I could get to an illustration

Legs

2008-05-20T15:57:00.002+12:00

My legs are fantastically hairy. I am so proud of them. I haven't shaved for a couple of months!! Go me.
Every winter I cave to the pressure and shave them at least once a week. NOT THIS TIME, SUCKERS!

Cats are evil - its official

2008-05-16T11:09:00.002+12:00

I was put on to the following article by my good friend Dan. He is a good man. I always knew cats were evil.

(I was going to link to the page, but didn't know how long the link would work for, so thats why I've copied and pasted. The article was found on "stuff.co.nz" and is from the Dominion Post, on April 28, 2008.)

"Schizophrenia linked to cats

Recent surveys point to a connection between a microbial cat disease and human schizophrenia. The microbe is called toxoplasma or "toxo" for short. Most cats carry the bug but it is a silent infection with them, causing them no harm.

Cats spread the microbe when they deposit their urine or droppings in their litter box, in your garden or in the children's sandpit, though you can pick it up by merely handling the cat. Farm animals and birds also carry toxo. Half the deer in New Zealand carry the infection and you can catch it by eating undercooked meat.

Most of us become infected with toxo at some stage in our lives with little or no effect but it's a different matter for foetuses. If a pregnant woman becomes infected, the microbe sometimes makes its way into the brain of the early growing foetus. A recent survey showed that about 2 per cent of pregnant Auckland women had been infected with toxo.

The bug wreaks havoc with brain development but the results don't show up in babies. Not till kids reach teenage years do problems develop – behavioural problems, learning disabilities, mood swings, mental impairment or schizophrenia.

The connection between toxo and schizophrenia has long been suspected because so many schizophrenics recall their family having a cat when they were babies. Several recent surveys have revealed stronger connections. A study of 1.2 million Swedes showed that early foetal infections increased psychoses and schizophrenia in teenagers by 50 per cent.

Hundreds of schizophrenic Danish teenagers were found to have more than their share of early toxo infections. Robert Yolken of Johns Hopkins Children's Center in Baltimore found that kids with early toxo infections were 16 times more likely to have psychotic disorders than those without.

But it was not only toxo infections. Scientists have found good connections between schizophrenia and women who caught the flu in the early stages of their pregnancies. The connection between flu and schizophrenia was first detected after the 1918 influenza pandemic when a "schizophrenic syndrome" was reported among victims afflicted by acute infections of the disease.

Later the American psychiatrist Alan Brown showed that if women caught the flu early in pregnancy, it increased their chances of producing schizophrenic teenagers seven-fold.

Catching German measles in early pregnancy also increases a woman's chance of producing a schizophrenic child while mumps and herpes are also under suspicion. A curious thing about toxo is that it makes rats and mice less fearful of cats. This makes them more likely to approach and be eaten by a cat – a clever strategy on the part of the microbe to ensure its transmission from host to host. The parasite can also subtly alter human personality, making some men more cautious and some women more kind and open- hearted. There are genes that predispose you to schizophrenia but it seems that cats and toxo give them an extra push."

I knew it... I knew it all along...

King of the Hill comes out on top again...

2008-05-02T21:05:00.002+12:00

Today I took my Gran to the hospital today for a foot check up thing. Afterward, I took her to a shoe store and got her some decent shoes so that she can wear her foot brace and so she will have a more supportive shoe. I got her a mary-jane type shoe, a sandal-y thing with a velcro strap over it. Gran thought they were very comfortable, and easy to get on and off.

I was rather pleased with myself for being good and taking her to get shoes, but silly me for thinking Mum would be proud of me too..... when she found out that the shoes weren't leather she said that she would have to take Gran to get some decent shoes, and that she wished my aunty had gone with her to get shoes, because then she would have got proper ones.

That reminds me of an episode of King of the Hill, where Peggy had gone home with her family to her parent's house. Her mother had never really had anything very uplifting or nice to say about her. Peggy saved her parents farm, and thought her mum would be really happy and proud of her, but she just said that it was Peggy's fault that the farm was in trouble in the first place. Peggy was really sad, but Frank told her that she didn't need to prove anything to her mother, she should just keep being who she was, and if her mother couldn't appreciate that then she shouldn't let that upset her.

I really identified with that - my mum's not a monster or anything, but she doesn't often praise me for anything, but I guess I've got to not let that upset me, and keep being who I am.

appeasement

2008-05-01T11:28:00.002+12:00

sometimes I worry that I'm such a bad person.

My brother is getting sentenced for a crime tomorrow, and my mum told me a few weeks ago that I should hang out with him a lot before tomorrow, in case he got sent to jail. I, of course, rebelled and said that I didn't usually hang out with him, so why should I start now.

Then yesterday I started to think 'what if he really goes to jail' and then I got worried that I hadn't seen him for a few weeks, so I asked him over for tea tonight.

Now I feel really really stink because I have this horrible feeling that I just invited him over to appease my conscience, not because I actually wanted to spend time with him.

I'm not sure that that is entirely true, but what if it is?

I've been feeling that a lot lately - I have all this annoyance and bad feeling for others going around in my head, and thoughts of what I should be doing, but invariably end up not doing. And Adam trys to tell me that its a good sign I think about doing bad things, but then don't do them - but I still worry that I'm thinking them in the first place.

Like when my neighbours play loud music, and I really want to go and throw eggs at them
and all the other bad things that I think.

work again

2008-05-01T11:23:00.003+12:00

Its funny how our society dictates that we spend much of our lives at work, and yet so many of us feel bereft of (positive) emotion for our job, and are constantly so fed up or bored with it. Sometimes I personally feel like a little rat, running on a treadmill, and when I dared to get off (last year) it felt I was in a totally different world, and couldn’t identify with anyone, and couldn’t understand why others who felt the same way didn't just question the treadmill, but get off it too!!
Why is work such a hassle and stress for everyone, and why are so few of us fulfilled by it?

(And I don't mean work in a totally literal sense, but in the role of paid employment or career)

Is there anyone out there who actually enjoys their job?!?!!? And why do we have to have a job anyway?!?!

so many questions in my head :(

I want to be a market...

2008-04-29T15:30:00.001+12:00

hehe- i emailed the government careers website today to say that I had a bachelor of arts in political science but was interested in jobs in research. I asked if there was much of a market for researchers in New Zealand.

And then I got a reply saying 'thank you for your query about becomming a political scientist or market researcher. please click on the links below to find out more about these jobs'.

hehe.

a market for researchers does not equal a market researcher!

Beavers

2008-04-29T13:26:00.004+12:00

I saw a documentary on Beavers yesterday. (not bevears, but large, furry rodents with long sharp teeth) They are so clever!! This documentary was showing some building a large dam, flooding the river and creating a huge pond, creating channels to the forest, and building a huge lodge to live in. They seemed so humanlike in what they were doing - climbing around on their hind feet, carrying mud in their front paws and patting it around their house.
I'm not doing such a great job of describing it, but it was cool. Squirrels are hanging in there by a thread....

today

2008-04-29T12:54:00.002+12:00

Hello blog.

Had another fight with V at work today. Last week she told me that the reason we had been turned down for funding applications was because I'd done the previous ones all wrong, and this one was going the same way... and I got mad and told her that that was completely unfair, especially as the one I was working on we had never applied for before...
And then today, I took a phone call from a funder, wanting to arrange a meeting with two staff or Board members, so I told the lady that if she could let me know when she was free, we could be free whenever she wanted to have the meeting. And then I got barrelled when I got off the phone, and told that I shouldn't be taking phone calls, and it was V's application, not mine, so I needed to keep out of it and pass the phone to her in future, and under no circumstances should I be at the funding meeting....
Aren't administrators/secretaries supposed to take phone calls and arrange meetings?! Am I not capable of dealing with a simple phone call?! If I'd thought I couldn't deal with it, or if the lady had asked for V I wouldn't have hesitated to pass the phone over....
I was so mad I had to walk out of the office for a bit. I went to the toilet, and V obviously was so scared/grumpy after that that while I was on the bog she used the men's toilets next door...

I have to keep reminding myself that the reason she keeps abusing me is because of her own job and funding insecurities, not because I'm really doing it all wrong. I have discussed it with my boss before, and he knows how difficult it is, but when he's not around she makes the most grossly unfair and untrue statements to me. And she's started saying again that they don't have any money to pay me (although this time its true) and they should never have hired me, and they may as well just fire me... (Which, I admit, is less of a bother than when she was saying it before - a week or two after I'd started the job)

I've now been there for 6 months. I'm proud of myself - this time last year I was just finishing work because I was in so much pain, and although things aren't great now, at least I can work again.
I've decided I'd really like to upskill, and I've been investigating postgraduate diplomas. At this stage, the three I'm considering are in Museum studies, Planning, or History. I'd really really like to do UC's graduate history diploma, as I could take courses like "resistance and conformity in nazi germany", "the holocaust and its legacy", "war and society in europe 1900-1945", "soviet domination in Eastern Europe" and a few other papers in whatever subjects I like. However, I'm still not really sure where having a graduate diploma in history would leave me. Probably still out of a job? Plus the courses I most like the look of aren't running in 2008, so that would have to be next year.

Why aren't I a square peg, fitting that square hole - I want to be a teacher, Miss. I want to be a fireman, Sir. I want to be a paleontologist, Teacher. All I know is that I adore learning about certain areas of history - in particular, militaries, war, and society. What can I do with that?!

And anyway. I'm sick of having a sore neck. Fix me, God. Gosh I wish I was all better.

Why does it cost so much?!?!?!

2008-02-26T17:22:00.003+13:00

I hate the public health system.

I really do.

really.

those sods.

I went to make a doctors appointment with my GP last week to find that she's moved to a practice in Kaiapoi (yes, Kaiapoi?!). I like her, so instead of going to my usual practice (Moorhouse Medical Centre - and I wouldn't recommend going there) I tracked her down and went to her new practice (again, why Kaiapoi?!!!!). Because I'm not enrolled there I had to pay $52, and then when I went to get my prescription it came to $88!!! All this because the government dishes out its funding to centres whose patients are enrolled, rather than casual, and this is written on your prescription, which then determines what you pay at the chemist. (eg $16 for an inhaler, instead of $4)
(I must add that the inhaler is listed as costing $29, and thus has already been subsidised to $16, but still!!)
So i said I couldn't afford to pay the prescription, and left. I am now stuck with two options - pay the $88, or cancel the prescription, go to my "usual" medical centre, pay for a consultation ($32) and get a new prescription where everything will cost $4 a pop.
Way 1 i will end up paying $140
Way 2 i will pay (hopefully) $104 (depending on the whole $4 per item charge)

and all I was trying to do was go to the doctor and get some asthma medication and some pain killers.

aaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*cries of frustration*
*periodic fist to floor pounding and general tantrum throwing*

random christmas thoughts

2007-12-29T21:45:00.000+13:00

I actually enjoyed my christmas, in the company of people who don't believe in Christ, nor his birth, which was a totally different experience. Also, finding a moment to read through the gospel accounts of the birth of Christ reminded me of just how strange God is. What a funny way to send the saviour into the world - born to an unmarried woman, visited by shepherds, fleeing to a foreign country...
I think Brian McLaren talks about how this quiet, unassuming birth is rather like christianity itself (or how it should be) - quiet, behind the scenes, spreading delicately, a whispered revolution - not one of domination or shouting. A movement that wins through kindness, love, care for others.

That's how I'd like to live my faith, stage my revolution. But sadly I think I fall very short of this ideal.

God please help me to reach others through kindness and care, to be subtle and respectful, to never judge others for their convictions, or lack thereof, and most of all, to take your love with me wherever I go. And thank you for modelling this through Jesus. I want to be your (vaguely misshapen) vessel.

For Christina

2007-12-20T13:30:00.000+13:00

Apparently I haven't posted on this for a long time. I think that might be true. I have been begged by my remaining fans (all one of them) to inject some new life into my blog.

You may be surprised to know that I haven't been posting simply due to mere laziness, but also because the computer helps to make me sick, so I've been staying away from it. Plus I have a husband to whinge to now.

Anyway here I am.... writing.... posting.... boring you all senseless....

Nothing much is happening in my life. Has happened. Will ever happen. (lol)
I had 5 months off work earlier this year while I tried to heal from RSI (back/neck/shoulder problems due to bad posture and computer/photocopier usage) and am now working 16 hours a week for a mentoring trust. Doing Admin work. With computers and photocopiers. Of course. Wouldn't that be just the silly thing I'd do.
The job is good in some ways because I can walk there and the hours are flexible. But on the other hand there is far more computer work than they told me there would be, and the people I work with are a bit annoying. I know that nothing is perfect, but some people seem to find a job that they like, and not have any issues with the people they work with. Is that so hard to ask for? Or am I just a picky cow who would find fault with everything (stop that sniggering - I CAN HEAR YOU)? Or does God like punishing us - life is not meant to be happy?

And speaking of God... sometimes I dont understand Him. Or at least, there are times when I think I've got a handle on it all, and then I realise I'm further than ever. With the increase of knowledge comes the realisation that you know less than you did before. The more you learn, the more you know there's always more to learn.
Why does one person's baby die? Why does anothers live? Why does one person enjoy their career and another can never find satisfaction? Why does one person spend $600 at presents at Christmas, and another lives in a dirt shack? I can't put God in a box, and that can be very frustrating.

I often put myself in a box, and that can be frustrating. (not literally in a box, ok) (although there was this one time...)
Like I think I'm a sad loser with no friends who is always sick and hurts a lot and cannot find satisfaction in this life. I want to have a nice house and travel overseas, but I can't even work a 20 hour week so how can I ever achieve that? They tell me that my sickness is all in the mind, but why does my body tell me its got pain if it hasn't really?! I'm not motivated enough, clever enough, thin enough, curly-haired enough, sorted enough.

And thats why I don't post on here much. Because sitting on the couch feeling bored is less emotionally draining.

But today I have a book to read. About the worst jobs in history. And there is some avertising that has come. That will stimulate my brain and challenge me for the afternoon.
yeah right.

Hopelessly inept.

At least Christmas makes me think about Hope, and Love, and God - whilst being so damn confusing - really loving me. I'm confused and inept at many things, but I am pretty sure that God loves me. So I'll try and be happy and read my book and not complain. Not that I ever complain about anything...

simpsonize me!

2007-08-14T14:56:00.000+12:00

So I've had a bit of spare time on my hands, and yesterday I had a go at Simpsonizing Adam and myself. What do you reckon? Accurate?!?! If you have some spare time, you should have a go.. its fun :)

Rated 'G'

2007-08-01T08:07:00.000+12:00

According to this:

My blog is suitable for general audiences! My only transgression was using the word 'hell' once. Well now its twice...

[Edit: I tried entering Andrew's blog, and got this: !!! Apparently this is because he uses the word 'death' 25 times, and 'dead' 3 times.
Gee... if something is R17 because of the word death then all movies for the past ten years have been waaay underrated!!]

Leave the Light On

2007-07-23T09:03:00.000+12:00

I need to keep
the light switched on
so darkness stays away
and horrid thoughts
that overwhelm
can be kept at bay

I'm shrinking fast
there's not much left
bar skin and clothes and bones
where have I gone?
what makes me me?
You'd think even I would know

But all i have
are angry curses
and darkness and despair
thoughts of running
escaping life
finding some peace somewhere

Its awfully bright
and empty, so
I think I'll turn it off
Darkness, again,
slides around me
familiar but unsafe

Could you please come
and be with me,
hunched here in the corner
remind me that
you do exist,
restore me to myself.

Finding Neverland

2007-07-16T18:31:00.000+12:00

And last for now - Finding Neverland, featuring Johnny Depp and Kate Winslet.

Another enchanting film that takes you captive and weaves a spell around you. Johnny Depp is very sweet as J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan, and I was pleased to see that the film present him innocently (rather than as some sort of child molester). A very sweet movie that you will need your tissues for - I highly recommend it.

Chocolat

2007-07-16T18:22:00.000+12:00

And for a positive one - Chocolat starring Juliette Binoche and Judi Dench

What a wonderful film! Chocolat is the story of a woman, Binoche, and her daughter, who travel around making chocolate. They end up in a small French village ruled by rigid values, a strict mayor, and deep in to the period of lent. Their Chocolaterie is strongly opposed by some, yet brings wonderful life change to others.

Just as a good chocolate takes hold of you, and captures you in its spell, so does this film, as it weaves its enchantment over you and takes you hostage! Juliette Binoche is gorgeous, as is Johnny Depp, and Dame Judi does, as always, a great job. A really lovely film that I totally recommend.

[I wanted to add that this film reminded me of 'As it is in Heaven', a Swedish film about a musician who brings freedom to a repressed town, also features the battered wife etc]

Schindler's List

2007-07-16T18:18:00.000+12:00

I finally watched Schindler's List!

I'm sure everyone knows the plot - Oskar Schindler, a member of the Nazi party, hires Jewish workers for his factory and ends up saving their lives. Well, its not as simplified as that, but you get the drift.

Very moving, emotionally draining, and well worth watching. I can't say I enjoyed the film, but I'm certainly glad that I watched it.

The Tuxedo

2007-07-16T18:13:00.000+12:00

Movie review: The Tuxedo, starring Jackie Chan and Jennifer Love Hewitt

Not as good as I expected... Chan plays a taxi driver who works for a super-spy unit, and ends up as a secret agent.

Kind of fun for a bit of light entertainment, but the amount of damage and the rude Love Hewitt spoiled it a bit for me.

Watch it if you have nothing better to watch.

Cruel World

2007-07-16T17:56:00.000+12:00

Last book review - honestly! (well for now...)

Cruel World: The Children of Europe in the Nazi Web, by Lynn H. Nicholas

Wow, what an interesting book. Paints Europe as a total mess of displaced and relocated people. Spanish children sent away to avoid Franco's revolution, French children moved to avoid the Nazi invasion, British children sent to the country to avoid the bombing, Jews moved everywhere, Poles pushed East, Latvians sent to Poland, Russians working in Germany... what a mess! I was expecting details of experiments and mass death, which the book did have, but not as in depth and detailed as 'Doctors from Hell'. This book is 558 pages long, and not surprisingly, I only got to about page 351. It was enough for me to see that not only Germany, but the whole of Europe was very confused, and full of all sorts of horrible things that children should never have to endure. It also left me wondering what life must have been like for those who survived, with such a confused identity and harsh life.

These books are really making me realise what a privileged world we now live in. It may not always seem that way, but when you read something like this, you feel that you should appreciate the life you've got, because generally it doesn't come close to the horror of the life that these people had.

Waffen-SS

2007-07-16T17:49:00.000+12:00

Yet another book review! The Black Angels, by Rupert Butler

This is about the Nazi SS super crew - the Waffen-SS. This book looked so interesting that I couldn't even bring myself to read it. As Nathan so astutely noticed, I have rather single-focussed taste in movies and books. I think I may be satisfying my war craving, because I had four weeks to read this one, and didn't open it once. Maybe one day...

The Lost Garden

2007-07-16T17:38:00.000+12:00

Book review: The Lost Garden, by Helen Humphreys

A sweet wee novel about a lady horticulturalist who flees wartime London to grow vegetables for England. (A la 'Dig for Victory' campaign) She finds unexpected love in all sorts of ways. The ending even had me reaching for a hanky. Nothing life changing, but great for a cosy afternoon sitting in front of the fire (and isn't that the purpose of a novel?).

[For those with a feed, please excuse the numerous corrections!!]

Sponsor a Child

2007-07-16T15:57:00.000+12:00

Is anyone out there interested in sponsoring a child through TEAR Fund? I recently rejoined as an advocate, but now that I'm not working or in a church I'm finding it hard to "advertise" for them.
It is pretty similar to the more well known World Vision approach, although TEAR Fund have more of a Christian content, and a large focus on micro-enterprise (Basically empowering the poor to be able to help themselves, rather than relying on handouts, and providing loans so that they can start their own businesses). It is $40 per month, and the money goes to the community in general, but in a way that your child will benefit - eg water pumps, education, clothing, food, immunisation, etc.

At the moment I have a profile of an African Boy, and an Indian girl, otherwise you can specify the country/sex of the child you wish to sponsor and TEAR Fund can send you one.

At present, I sponsor a girl in Nicaragua, and it is so wonderful to receive her letters and drawings. I really believe that I am special to her, and that I am making a difference in her life. We have her photo on our fridge, and pray for her sometimes, and she really feels like a part of the family!!

Please let me know if you are interested. $40 a month works out at about $1.30 a day, and when you put it like that, its nothing really.

Charlotte Gray: The Movie

2007-07-13T15:03:00.000+12:00

Charlotte Gray, 2001, Starring Cate Blanchett and directed by Gillian Armstrong.

I really enjoyed this when I saw it for the first time, although my opinion was a little tarnished after I read the Novel (See previous post).

The movie is dramatic and action packed, with Charlotte taking part in important Resistance activities with Octave and friends. I found the scene where the group is mown down by the Nazis to be deeply moving, and was surprised that Charlotte was not involved in these Resistance activities in the Novel, nor was the group mown down - merely interrogated. I considered the movie Charlotte a bit of a liability for her annoying attempts to track down her airman, especially when she stops her first contact (the lady in the cafe) to ask for information and ends up stalling her for long enough that the Nazis take her away. Charlotte later finds out that the woman has been shot, and it is essentially Charlotte's fault. I guess I sort of had a romanticised picture of the women who fought for the resistance, and was surprised, both in the novel and the movie, when Charlotte was pretty ordinary and prone to depression.

I won't spoil the plot for anyone, but I loved Julien (Octave), and the final scene of the movie was a real highlight for me.

So although I found the movie disappointing to watch after I had read the Novel, I originally found it enthralling. The costuming and setting were great, the music was lovely, and Andre and Jacob were so sweet. As I said before, I had to watch the movie after finishing the book so that things could be 'right' in my head, but I think that they complement each other well. You find out more about the boys and Levade in the Novel, and about Charlotte's strange relationship with her father, however the movie was great for its action, and its Julien! The only thing that I really did not like about this movie, which was a huge stumbling block at first, was that everyone in "France" spoke English, and with British accents. I was so confused by this, and really felt that it spoiled a great movie. Adam suggested that it was to maintain continuity - as either everyone would have had to speak English with cheesy French accents (pretty confusing - are they speaking English with French accents, or are they French?) or to have them speak in French, but with subtitles (For an hour? How un-Hollywood) or simply have everyone speak in English, and just pretend it is French (odd, but does the job). After I had thought about it, it was a lot easier to enjoy the movie.

So apart from minor details with a slightly dopey Lead character, and odd portrayal of French speakers, I enjoyed it and totally recommend it.

Charlotte Gray: The Novel

2007-07-13T14:28:00.000+12:00

Third book review: Charlotte Gray, by Sebastian Faulks

Having already seen the movie based on this book, I was expecting to find the book like a longer version of the movie. It was actually quite different, and while I liked some parts more, others I preferred in the movie adaptation.

Charlotte Gray is the story of a Scottish lady who travels to England to work during the war, and falls in love with an emotionally scarred airman, Peter Gregory. She feels that he desperately needs her, and that her love is crucial to him. His plane is shot down over France, and Charlotte goes to France to find him, while serving as a British Secret Courier. She defies her superiors and remains in France after completing her mission, compelled by her love for France, and hoping to find Gregory. While in France, Charlotte lives in a small village, and is touched by the lives of two small Jewish boys, and the Jewish father of her French Resistance contact. The book follows the stories of these three characters until the very end, unlike the movie which has a romanticised, though still unpleasant, ending for them.

Charlotte comes across to me as an ordinary woman, who could have compromised the British Resistance in her quest to find her Airman. I was expecting a rather more heroic and involved character, and was slightly disappointed by this. In the film, Gregory drops off the scene after being shot down, and the love plot becomes a bit irritating, however in the book, you hear from him as he attempts to return to England. This made Charlotte's quest more believable for me, and did not come across as an impediment (as in the movie).

I felt that the book was beautifully written, gripping, and very poignant. I only had two downers - the lack of importance of Charlotte's role in the Resistance, and the ending. The movie was tense and action packed, and I felt that Charlotte was a help to the Resistance. In the book, I felt that she was a bit useless, and interfering, and rather rude to use the Resistance as a cover for searching for her lover. I enjoyed the twist at the end of the movie, and thus, found the book's end to be shallow and hollow. I was so disappointed that I had to watch the movie again so that the "right" ending would be stuck in my head!!

Gripes aside, Charlotte Gray was a good read, and I couldn't put it down.

The Master Plan

2007-07-13T14:09:00.000+12:00

Next book: 'The Master Plan: Himmler's Scholars and the Holocaust', Heather Pringle, 2006

This book is primarily about the Ahnenerbe, A Nazi institute that researched the mythical Aryan race and other historical 'evidence' to support the Reich.

I found The Master Plan difficult to read, and so did not get much past the first chapter (by which stage I knew almost everything that was going to happen in the rest of the book). In my opinion, Pringle could have improved the readability of the book by having a more story-telling approach.

Of the parts I did read, I was intrigued (not enough to continue reading the book) by the crazy stuff that went on here! The research and its results was largely fabricated, but used by the Nazis to rewrite history. The institute held secret missions to far away countries, studying race, eugenics, archaeology, weird things like runic stuff and witches, and then used it to justify mass extermination of humans.

Fascinating stuff, but trying to read the book felt to me like ploughing through a muddy paddock - hard.

The Sock Lord

2007-07-13T14:05:00.000+12:00

I was SURE I had recently bought a pair of black merino socks, but strangely, when I remembered their existence, weeks after purchasing them, and searched through my drawer, they were nowhere to be found. Suddenly, I remembered the COLOSSAL SOCK THIEF that lives in my house....
so I searched the Monster's pile of socks on the dresser, half an hour later I searched the pile in the washing basket, three hours after that, I searched the Monster's draw. First I found a small-looking sock. AHA! I cried, MY SOCK! Alas, when I tried it on, the heel came nearly to my knees. Still I searched, when, pushed to the back of the draw, obscured from view, I found.... MY SOCKS! Like Cinderella with the glass slipper, I gingerly slipped my feet into a cosy black sock. It fit perfectly.
Without delay, I rescued the pair of socks, transported them to a place of security and peace.
And to think, if I had not rescued them sooner, a gargantuan foot may have deflowered them, spoiling their innocence and shapely form.
Live on, black socks, today has brought your freedom.

Doctors from Hell

2007-07-12T13:47:00.001+12:00

The first book in my quest to enlightenment was the happily titled "Doctors from Hell: the horrific account of Nazi experiments on humans", by Vivien Spitz, 2005.

Spitz, an American of German descent, volunteered to be a typist at the Nuremberg trials in post-war Germany. She arrived after the main trials of the more well-known criminals, and spent most of her time on the trials of Nazi doctors. Spitz did not speak of her experience for many decades, and official details of the trials were themselves restricted until the 1980s. Since then, Spitz has travelled around the world, teaching about the horrors of the Nazi experiments, with the hope of preventing such atrocities from happening again.

This is not the sort of book you pick up off the library shelf and browse on a rainy Sunday afternoon. However, the book was relatively easy to read, with increasingly cumbersome summaries of its content in the introduction, conclusion, and at the beginning and end of each chapter. Doctors from Hell is not a pleasant read, and contains graphic descriptions and photographs of the subjects of the experiments, presented as evidence during the trial.

The thing that most stood out to me when reading this book was the discovery that Jews were not the only ones who were persecuted by the Nazis. Criminals, the mentally ill, disabled people, homosexuals, those who were not permitted to have sex with pure Germans but did, Gypsies, POWs, Poles, Czechs, and Russians were all imprisoned in concentration camps, and were all candidates for the experiments. I did not realise that the camps were for those other than Jews, and I believe that it is easy to think "oh yeah, WWII - the holocaust - gassing of Jews" and to be a bit complacent about the whole thing. You know - we've heard it all before, and yes it was horrible, but...
For me, it was a shake-up to hear of the universality of Nazi persecution. Yes, it is horrible that so many Jews were ill-treated, but to learn that so many other groups were also abused somehow expands the horror in my mind. And yes, while I think it is very important that we remember the suffering of the Jewish people, I think it is also important to remember that so many others suffered too.
I'm not sure if that paragraph came out as I wanted it to. I'm trying to say that I believe Jewish persecution was horrible, and it is good that the world remembers that, and also thinks its horrible, but it is actually so much more than that. I'm not suggesting that we're over-focussed on the Jews, but that perhaps we should also teach about countless others who were persecuted.

Anyway, I found this book fascinating, it was about something of which I previously knew very little. I also could see that there were perfectly noble intentions behind the experiments - what scientist wouldn't want to know the effects of mustard gas, altitude sickness, typhoid, and freezing water on humans. The problem was that testing mustard gas on a fellow human was never going to be acceptable, plunging a person in to tanks of icy water for hours was never considered humaine, cutting chunks out of bones and grafting others on was never going to be painless. The idea of experimenting on humans was never a nice one, and yet it was done. I imagine that the dehumanisation of camp inmates helped the doctors to feel less like they were operating on a human being - when a person is devoid of identity, dignity, sanity, health, are they really a person, or just a body? A body to be operated on, in the pursuit of knowledge.

In my opinion, the most shocking experiment was that of killing a group of Jews so that their bones could be put in acid, stripping off all flesh, and sent to a museum as specimens. Did any of those who viewed this exhibition over the following decades ever dream that the skeletons were prepared especially for them? That innocent people were murdered so that the curious could look at their bones?

No, Doctors from Hell is not a nice read at all. It challenges, offends, hurts, appalls, and angers. But I believe it is important to never forget the horrors of history, and the dangerous Third Reich that desired to control the world. With eyes wide open I shall view the world. Thank you, Vivian Spitz, for further opening my eyes.

Lashings of my opinions on things

2007-07-12T13:27:00.000+12:00

Seeing as I have been using my unemployed time very productively, I thought I might post my reviews on the books I have read and movies I have watched. I shall not, in the grand literary fashion of 'Go fug yourself', be totally scathing, offensive, and scrutinising of every possible fault. Instead, I shall be horribly rude and critical. No, I jest. I will be my usual fair self. [*cue raucous laughter* Yes, I know that some of you will view that remark with the skepticism and irony that you viewed my previous post on feeling self conscious when in public, as some of you know that I can also look at others and make observations (some may prefer to call them 'judgements'), however, I digress...]

I also thought it might be a productive use of my spare time!

Anyway, on with the reviews!!

2007-07-10T16:14:00.000+12:00

I must confess that I even felt guilty about writing that post on feeling guilty....

2007-07-10T08:33:00.000+12:00

Anxious of You

"You've been invited to your partner's work do and you're stressing about what to wear and how you might cope with meeting a new group of people. You consider making an excuse not to go but decide you should to keep your partner happy. While you're there, you're churning inside but manage to keep up a facade that you're really enjoying yourself. But you go to pieces when you get home, worrying about what you said and what other people may think of you.
For about 5% of the population who have a social phobia, this is a familiar scenario. The condition is characterised by a disabling fear that other people will find fault with them or think that they are incompetent, strange, or unacceptable. This can lead to them either avoiding the situation they are afraid of or putting up with it, which can lead to them suffering intense distress."
-Article "More Than Shyness..." Healthfirst Magazine, July 2007

When I read this, and the rest of the article, I really felt like I was reading about myself.

Sometimes I get so anxious about being in a social gathering with other people that I would rather stay home and cry than go. This happened a lot during the summer of 2004 when I had just gone flatting, and I attributed it to depression. I particularly remember being invited to a friend's 21st party, but not being able to find anyone to go with me, and then being so afraid of going by myself that I stayed home and wept. The girl was leaving to go overseas soon after, and I have never seen her again. I have always regretted not being strong enough to attend her party, or tell her why I did not go.
I also remember countless times of Adam being driven mad by my rage at not feeling confident enough to attend a certain event, usually with his friends. I would stay at home, while he went, rather than face them.
When I am in a store I am extremely self conscious. For example, yesterday I went to the local video hire shop. I had to stand a particular way, because I didn't want the shop assistant to see I was breathing through my mouth (as I have a cold), my eyes were constantly darting around, believing that everyone was watching me, thinking rude thoughts about me.
Sometimes I will tell my husband a story, "I was at a cafe today, and it was full of posh people who kept staring at me like I was scum, with my dirty trousers and wayward hair. They glared at me, and turned their noses up when I smiled at them". He doesn't believe these stories, and maintains that I am over-analysing everything, that the people probably didn't even notice me, and certainly weren't thinking offensive thoughts about me.

But in my head they are.
They are obsessed with me, with how I am breathing, with my weight, with what I am wearing, with how I present myself, and most of all, what I say.

It feels good to put my thoughts down. Good because there is a certain freedom that comes with being open, and voicing the nagging analyses flying through my head.
As I wrote this last part, it made me wonder if maybe its not an outright Social Phobia, but if I really was right, and that my feelings of anxiety are actually triggered by events.
-I didn't want to socialise in 2004 because I was depressed about my Aunty moving away, and sick of repetitive conversations within a group of friends.
-I didn't go to the 21st because I had been to a previous party of this girl, and had been completely ignored by all but one of the snobby Girls High girls present.
-I get scared about going to gatherings of Adams friends because one of them told him that she didn't think I was right for Adam, and had an annoying sense of humour. Perhaps it is logical to be afraid of that.
-I am often cautious of Navs gatherings, as a person told Adam that I had an anger problem, could not deal with my issues, and had once shot her a deathly look during a group discussion. Again, perhaps it is normal to be anxious of seeing this person, when I had only been twice or three times actually IN a social setting with this person when they complained to my husband. How would they know my problems? But then, can't you see why I may think that everyone is analysing me, interpreting every expression on my face, noting down every little comment I make.

Perhaps it is totally normal that I am nervous about being in public, about being critiqued and analysed, and hated. Its true that I was bullied at highschool, that certain people did whisper abuse as I walked past, or take offense to my clothing.

Maybe I'm just normal and we are all afraid of what others think of us.

Why are you looking at me?
Am i so strange?
You talk amongst yourselves
Whats wrong with me today?

I have said many floaty things
not meant seriously
But you heard them and formed
strong opinions of me

I am too short, too fat, too dumb
hair too thick, eyes too blue
I have the wrong interests,
wrong hobbies, wrong talents

God do you love me,
cos I can't hear your voice
don't feel your touch
have you given up, too?

Guilty

2007-07-10T08:11:00.000+12:00

Do being a Christian and often feeling guilty go hand in hand?

I feel guilty about not going to church.
I feel guilty about having nice things when there are poor people living near us.
I feel guilty about thinking about building our own house when there are millions of starving people in the world who live in tin shacks.
I feel guilty about thinking Rafael Nadal is cute.
I feel guilty about wasting last weeks casserole.
I feel guilty about throwing out the freezer bitten meat patties that I bought early last year.
I feel guilty about not buying something when I enter the Trade Aid store.
I feel guilty about being vain if I buy new makeup.
I feel guilty if I don't want to reply to someone who has texted me.
I feel guilty if I forget to respond to an email.
I feel guilty about watching Home and Away on tv.
I feel guilty about not having met our neighbours yet.
I feel guilty about not particularly wanting to meet our neighbours.
I feel guilty about choosing not to have a job, rather than having been laid off.
I feel guilty about sitting at home all day not working.
I feel guilty about not reading my bible often.
I feel guilty when I think about what it would have been like if I had left everything here to go overseas at the start of 2005.
I feel guilty about not wanting to wash the dishes again.
I feel guilty about having a long shower with the bathroom heater going.

As you can see, I feel guilty about lots of things. Some of these things I feel guilt about are irrational - for example, feeling guilty because I didn't buy something in a shop. However, I feel that some of the above things are 'bad' and therefore I should feel guilty about them - being rich when others are poor, thinking rude thoughts about other people, not reading my bible.
Should I, as a Christian, feel guilty about bible reading, praying, church attendance, swearing in my head, thinking a tennis star is fab, not wanting to do household chores, etc?
Should I constantly feel that my efforts are not good enough, that I am constantly letting others down, and I will always fall short of any kind of acceptable standard, both worldly or Godly?
Because I do feel this way, and sometimes it's hard to find a 'normal' person underneath with all this worry going on.

The Importance of Being Darcy

2007-07-06T15:37:00.000+12:00

There is a question that has plagued the literary mind for many years, and begs to be answered: Why did Fitzwilliam Darcy appear so proud and conceited? Was it that he was merely shy, and did not like foreign company or dancing? Was he fed up with the simpering attentions of females like Caroline Bingley or Mrs Bennett? Or had bad experiences, like that with Wickham, cautioned him against those who may be interested only in his fortunes (thus turning him against nearly all the female species)?

Until now, we have had to satisfy ourselves with these, or similarly poor explanations. But no more shall we suffer with these pale attempts at analysing Darcy. The time has come when our question has been answered by an enlightened one, and this shall be the theory to top all theories, that which will satisfy even the most Austen-oriented mind. Thanks to Coleen V., we can employ a better understanding of the stiff Darcy, and put our uneasy minds to rest. Our handsome, haughty hero has been exposed as an ordinary man, pushed to his limits by ..... an extraordinary pair of trousers.

The dinner set of my dreams (nearly)

2007-06-15T08:55:00.000+12:00

I have finally found a dinner set that I like!!! It's not the absolute dinner set of my dreams... goodness only knows what that looks like! But I don't dislike it, like almost every other dinner set I've seen...

But I can't afford it =(

It's from Nest, and comes in different styles, but basically I like the stripy set.

Oh well... perhaps if I get some form of job I can save my pennies!

Uncomfortable

2007-06-12T08:29:00.000+12:00

I have stolen this from a guy called Sean Gautusa, who has stolen it from a guy called Bill Kinnon.

I found it pretty interesting.

Let me introduce you to The People formerly known as The Congregation. There are millions of us.

We are people - flesh and blood - image bearers of the Creator - eikons, if you will. We are not numbers.

We are the eikons who once sat in the uncomfortable pews or plush theatre seating of your preaching venues. We sat passively while you proof-texted your way through 3, 4, 5 or no point sermons - attempting to tell us how you and your reading of The Bible had a plan for our lives. Perhaps God does have a plan for us - it just doesn't seem to jive with yours.

Money was a great concern. And, for a moment, we believed you when you told us God would reward us for our tithes - or curse us if we didn't. The Law is just so much easier to preach than Grace. My goodness, if you told us that the 1st century church held everything in common - you might be accused of being a socialist - and of course, capitalism is a direct gift from God. Please further note: Malachi 3 is speaking to the priests of Israel. They weren't the cheerful givers God speaks of loving.

We grew weary from your Edifice Complex pathologies - building projects more important than the people in your neighbourhood...or in your pews. It wasn't God telling you to "enlarge the place of your tent" - it was your ego. And, by the way, a multi-million dollar, state of the art building is hardly a tent.

We no longer buy your call to be "fastest growing" church in wherever. That is your need. You want a bigger audience. We won't be part of one.

Our ears are still ringing from the volume, but...Jesus is not our boyfriend - and we will no longer sing your silly love songs that suggest He is. Happy clappy tunes bear no witness to the reality of the world we live in, the powers and principalities we confront, or are worthy of the one we proclaim King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

You offered us a myriad of programs to join - volunteer positions to assuage our desire to be connected. We could be greeters, parking lot attendants, coffee baristas, book store helpers, children's ministry workers, media ministry drones - whatever you needed to fulfill your dreams of corporate glory. Perhaps you've noticed, we aren't there anymore.

We are The People formerly known as The Congregation. We have not stopped loving the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Nor do we avoid "the assembling of the saints." We just don't assemble under your supposed leadership. We meet in coffee shops, around dinner tables, in the parks and on the streets. We connect virtually across space and time - engaged in generative conversations - teaching and being taught.

We live amongst our neighbours, in their homes and they in ours. We laugh and cry and really live - without the need to have you teach us how - by reading your ridiculous books or listening to your supercilious CDs or podcasts.

We don't deny Paul's description of APEPT leadership - Ephesians 4:11. We just see it in the light of Jesus' teaching in Mark 10 and Matthew 20 - servant leadership. We truly long for the release of servant leading men and women into our gifts as apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors and teachers. We believe in Peter's words that describe us all as priests. Not just some, not just one gender.

We are The People formerly known as The Congregation. We do not hate you. Though some of us bear the wounds you have inflicted. Many of you are our brothers and our sisters, misguided by the systems you inhabit, intoxicated by the power - yet still members of our family. (Though some are truly wolves in sheep's clothing.)

And, as The People formerly known as The Congregation, we invite you to join us on this great adventure. To boldly go where the Spirit leads us. To marvel at what the Father is doing in the communities where He has placed us. To live the love that Jesus shows us.

Resignation

2007-06-01T12:07:00.000+12:00

I feel like I should be drinking myself into oblivion, sitting here at the computer, finding myself unemployed for the second time in a month. I am not bubbling with happiness, like the last time, although 'V' is bubbling down my throat - my poison of choice. I meant to buy lift plus, and instead wound up with 'V', which is less sweet than Lift, and so I feel suitably angsty: drowning my sorrows in bitter drink, gritting my teeth and drowning in cynicism.
And eating chicken sandwiches.
Thats not quite so sorrowful and dangeresque.
Anyway.

The computer training intro to my job made me sick (literally) and in pain, so I asked their assessment lady to set me up on the computer, which helped for a little while, but then it turned out that after the computer training finished, I would be spending just as much time on the computer as I was during training. Which was basically 7 hours a day. Considering I had to finish up my last job because my body was packing in from computer use (and heavy lifting)....

I felt a bit of a nob, and it took a lot of courage to speak to someone about it. Especially as my Team Leader was a male, and not the overly sympathetic type. But it worked out ok, and the Boss and Team Leader explained that I should do what was best for me, especially considering the large computer content of the work.

But as I say, I feel nob-by because the whole reason I left Archives was to let my body rest. I let that get clouded by my Mum hounding me about getting a job (and I know she was just trying to be helpful) and feeling pressured to be working. Plus, this new job sounded like the sort of work I might enjoy, and so I lost sight of myself and what I need, and stopped listening to the cries of warning coming from my body.

So I'm back at square one, although a different square one. This Square One says
I've got a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science (this leads me nowhere)
Computers really are ruining my body. Really.
I am a fidgety person who gets bored sitting at a desk all day

Actually, I'd like to contradict myself - I'm not back at Square One. I'm on a journey, you can't go back, you can't undo, you can't start over. This is just a twist that I didn't expect, well really perhaps I did and I just ignored it.

*sigh*

It's so complicated.

Where to from here?

I really don't know. I'm open to suggestions.

2007-06-01T07:33:00.000+12:00

I don't like my new job.

Hire me!

2007-05-25T14:27:00.000+12:00

I've got a job!! I had a wonderful interview this morning, and they called me back less than three hours later to offer me the position!! In the most anonymous way possible, I'll be in the industry of families and courts.

Huzzah =)

My Celebrity Lookalikes!!

2007-05-22T17:43:00.000+12:00

Goodbye foul stench

2007-05-02T16:14:00.000+12:00

Huzzah!!!

I have the most wonderful little bubble of happiness warming up my insides... oh wait - that's gas.

no really!! There is a frission of excitement that is winding its way through my veins, past my eyes, and back down to my wiggling toes. It encourages a wily smile that keeps trying to spread across my face, pushed back into submission by my long-suffering cheeks.

I just quit my job.

No animosity or hurt feelings - I'd just like a change, and my shoulder is constantly aching from all the lifting and photocopying. I'm finishing in just over 2 weeks, so I'll try and work hard until then! And then, back to the realm of the unemployed, but hey, it will be nice to have a break....

...for the first few days....

the older they get...

2007-04-23T13:20:00.001+12:00

Obscure post, but

In the song "Les Bourgeois" by Jacques Brel, he sings

"Les bourgeois c'est comme les cochons
Plus ça devient vieux plus ça devient bête
Les bourgeois c'est comme les cochons
Plus ça devient vieux plus ça devient..."

(The Bourgeois, they're like pigs

the older they get, the stupider they get.

The bourgeois are like pigs

The older they get, they become ...."

and he trails off. In a live recording I've heard of this song, the French-speaking audience laugh raucously at this last line, and in my correspondence unit we were only told that the line had rude inferences. What are they?! I can't work it out. Is there anyone out there who knows what this line is referring to?

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fangled shark

2007-03-09T16:43:00.001+13:00

My boss gave me a plastic shark jigsaw toy today. Its awesome. The shark currently has a squishy (fake) maggot gripped in his jaws! And, the piece de resistance, the writing on the packaging:

"Animal series design for the children are fangled and in the high quality welcome you use our products"

Amen.

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Ode to the structural

2007-03-07T16:48:00.001+13:00

monkeys, apes and baboons
like to watch rude cartoons
point and jeer and jump around
when little figures' pants fall down

tigers, lions, cheetahs too
do big large steaming heaps of poo
after chewing on slow gazelle
and generally raising pack morale

come one come all come see the show
its running free to all who know
and if you're lucky you may catch
wild engineers fly off the latch

This poem is written in tribute to stressed engineers. I was thinking about engineers at their desks, scratching their heads and fidgeting, and then they morphed into monkeys standing on their chairs, scratching their heads, making their "ooh ooh aah aah" noise. Work can do that to a man, you know. The monkey analogy is for the engineers who spend their day talking about beer and women, and the tiger analogy for those who work heinously long hours and end up with something for it (it is debatable as to the return though - a steaming heap of poo

Poetry in motion...

2007-02-27T10:04:00.000+13:00

and now I am back to my old role of file retrieval, photocopying, and data entry. Huzzah. It appears that no companies want to hire me.... Oh well, I shall keep trying. And attempt to work hard and not find the work here too dull. But gosh its hard sometimes

andornot

2007-02-21T13:56:00.001+13:00

I learnt a new "word" (expression) today: boolean operator
The name comes from the logic of George Boole, and generally refers to the words "and" "or" and "not" usually in an electronic search. For instance, you can use the boolean operators in a search like so:
search: dogs "not" huskies
And your search will look for dogs, excluding huskies.

Well at least I think thats how it works...

Anyway, the word "boolean" keeps running through my head...

BOOLEAN BOOLEAN BOOLEAN

BooYah

b.o.r.e.d.

2007-02-13T16:39:00.001+13:00

I AM SO BORED.........................................

..................................................................

i hate data entry... and that is my job now. Oh hurrah! My brain is mush....

R.I.P. brain...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i heard this song on the radio today. its really random!

2007-01-19T13:59:00.000+13:00

Dead puppies
Dead puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun
They don't come when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all
Dead puppies aren't much fun

My puppy died late last fall
He's still rotting in the hall
Dead puppies aren't much fun
Mom says puppy's days are through
She's gonna throw him in the stew
Dead puppies aren't much fun

Dead puppies
Dead puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun

Dead puppies Dead puppies

2007-01-17T15:26:00.000+13:00

Do you think eating a nectarine for afternoon tea makes up for eating a whole chocolate bar?

Christians cannot study Maths

2007-01-05T10:43:00.000+13:00

And while I'm at it, complaining that is, some "un-religious" people can be so ignorant and prejudiced! I came in to work this morning and one of the ladies was talking about a Seventh Day Adventist Wedding she went to, and she mentioned that the groom was doing a PHD in Physics and Mathematics. The boss called out "but how could a religious person do that? Wouldn't it contradict his beliefs?" and then they started sniggering about intelligent design.....

Oh gee, I believe in God, I couldn't possibly be involved with mathematics! It might compromise my belief in creation.

I do not believe that people who study the sciences couldn't possibly align it with religion, Christians aren't dumb!! And there are plenty of people out there who don't have to agree with everything they hear - for example, a person who supports the greens can surely take a class on NZ politics, listening non-abusively to talks on our Labour past.

And then, I overheard a discussion on how the pastor at the wedding had talked about how Adam wasn't decended from Monkeys, and the Bride didn't come from lucky slime, and they all started talking about how ignorant "religious" people are about evolution and science!!

And everyone thinks that its only Christians who are prejudiced and dumb!

love me, love my.... rats!??!

2007-01-05T10:26:00.000+13:00

I just found this signature on the bottom of a client's email...

"There is something quite adorable, and so cute, so loving, so gentle,
so loyal and so appealing as a little rattie Love me love my rats."

Please join me in saying "RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT......"

A post!

2007-01-04T16:53:00.000+13:00

Goodness! A blog post by Michelle, you say. About time! Well you see I decided to sign up to be able to email posts to my blog, and I know this technology has been available for eons, but up until this morning the thought hadn't really occured to me. What brilliance! What simplicity! Instead of writing long ranty emails to my friends, I can just post them on my blog for all to read. Yes. The ease.

Anyway, I finally have something to post about. Although there have probably been things to post about over the last six months, I was just too busy to stop and post them! For those who haven't experienced it, planning a wedding is hard work! And now that I am married and all the planning is over and done with, I have more time to whinge... er I mean Post.

I am bored with work. At least I had a hobby to go home to over the last six months, rather than getting up at 6.15 to get ready for work, 7.45 going to work, 5.05 coming home from work, 6pm making tea, 8pm making lunch for work, and 8.30 going to bed so I wont be as tired and headachey at work tomorrow. Hurrah, how exciting. Why wasn't I born a mathematical boy? (A boy who was talented at mathematics) Any career could have been my oyster, instead of being born a girl who liked history, research, and languages, forever destined to be out of a job that she could use her skills in, instead - working in administration.

All is useless! All is vanity! I must go. I have hundreds of pages of photocopying awating my nimble hand (and sore neck) and fifty more boxes of files to label (that apparently should be done 3 per hour, rather than the one per day I was so proud of). Aah life. Being grown up isn't always what its cracked up to be. With it comes responsibilities, bills, loans, debts, the necessity to work to earn a living, cooking meals, doing dishes when you're tired, and sleepless nights trying to think up schemes in which your time and skills can be better utilised.

Only 9 minutes of work to go. Thank God I've made it through another day. I could be working in a post centre!

2006-10-27T14:17:00.000+13:00

There are only about 43 sleeps to go now until Adam and I get married!!! Yay =)

fuzzies needed

2006-09-18T17:51:00.000+12:00

It would be nice to see more positivity in life. It seems to be the norm in workplaces, flats, and amongst friends to point out the negatives, be critical, and generally to not notice the good.
I think life would be a lot more pleasant if we tried a bit harder to make our fellow man feel encouraged and valued!

not THAT "Good News", but still news that is good :)

2006-08-21T18:07:00.000+12:00

You're right, Scotty, I haven't posted about the exciting news!
Well, I did actually try twice, but blogger was being annoying. But, here I am now!

Well.......

Adam and I are getting married :):) In December this year :):)

yay.

hairdressers anyone

2006-08-18T15:11:00.000+12:00

man! I was counting on my hairdresser (who I've been going to for 4 years) to be able to do my hair for my wedding. But she's busy. Argh.
Does anyone know of a good hairdresser in christchurch who doesn't charge the earth? (and who doesn't just cut hair - someone who knows how to style!)

And makeup. Does anyone know any good makeup artists?

smack my kids up

2006-07-09T12:11:00.000+12:00

I apologise for this half-hearted attempt at a post. Really. It was going to be something great, but the thoughts just aren't coming!
What i want to talk about is Christians and smacking.

Why are Christians fighting the anti-smacking laws with such vigour???

Wouldn't it be better to show people that Christians are against child abuse? For example, if you have friends who have trouble with alcohol, you might decide to not drink, because it shows them that you can have fun without drinking. If you have friends who have trouble refraining from beating their kids, why not stop smacking yours, and show them that there are other ways of disciplining kids?

Before i worked as a nanny, i was all for smacking. Its Biblical, it shows kids that what they're doing is wrong. But as a nanny you aren't allowed to smack children. So you have to find other ways. As I discovered one day, to a four year old, taking her favourite toy until she behaves satisfactorally really gets to her and makes her realise that how she is behaving is unacceptable. Or sending a child out of the room, into a room or place where she is removed from fun things really makes them think about not doing the bad behaviour in the start. It can be done without smacking! So why shouldn't we lead by example??!! Why are we fighting for the right to hit our children?!?!

I also find that its not a great example to say to kids "you must not hit other children or adults when you don't like what they're doing, or when what they're doing is wrong" and yet as parents we hit children when they do something wrong. What kind of example setting is this?

I was smacked as a child, and i've turned out ok (some would say), but i still remember the fear and hatred that i felt when i was older (say 10-12) and was smacked. And I remember the day when I decided that i didn't want to be smacked anymore, and dodged, myself taking a swipe at my mother.

I think we should see it as a challenge, to strive to discipline our kids without smacking them. To not respond in the heat of the moment, with a swift slap to the butt, but to try and keep our temper, speak calmly, and think of a way to punish our wayward child that doesn't involve smacking them.

I'm not saying for a moment that parenting is easy. In fact, i found nannying one of the biggest challenges I have faced. Children can, quite routinely, make you feel like you've reached the end of your tether and you're fed up with them and their nonsense. I understand why parents smack kids in anger. I also understand why perfectly calm parents discipline their children by way of a smack. I do understand. I don't think its the best way though.

I also don't think it's setting a good example to people who don't know Jesus. Couldn't Christians be known for their anti-violent ways, and great parenting skills instead of their strange fixation with the right to hit their kids?

thoughts?

2006-07-09T09:40:00.000+12:00

the big question:

If God is not a big candy-giver-outer, then why do we follow him?
-what is in it for us?
-what do we offer him?

2006-07-01T13:42:00.000+12:00

I bought a vacuum cleaner. Its awesome. Its a bag-free one, and sucks so massively! Its so awesome. I want to marry it and have its babies.

Despair

2006-07-01T09:58:00.000+12:00

Tears ran down my face, i uselessly swiped at them with fingers already slippery wet. Hands trembling, I clutched my face in agonising heartbreak. Before me, he also was weeping. The pain in his face tore at my heart, again causing tears to fall. Beside him, another crouched, hunched over, head bowed low in despair. A friend walked over, eyes red rimmed, looking desperate, a man whose dreams had been crushed. The three men embraced, clutching heads and shoulders close, sharing salty, bitter tears.
'Its just a game', my head tried to tell me. 'The game of life', I responded.
Do you really want it?

Aah my beloved Argentina. Maybe next time....

2006-06-27T13:39:00.000+12:00

I went to the fish and chip shop the other week wearing my pyjamas. It was awesome. I felt so liberated!! The two customers in the shop both started by looking at my sneakers... then moved gradually up my legs, taking in the purple pants with butterflies on them...
anyway, it was cool :)

wardrobe malfunction

2006-06-26T17:50:00.000+12:00

I'd like to know... if pyjamas are so flippin comfortable and warm, why dont they make all clothes like this?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

2006-06-11T20:55:00.000+12:00

its funny how being angsty and irrational can make you feel better

=P

mw= dork

2006-06-11T20:33:00.000+12:00

Stupid day
I am fat. I have put on 15kgs over the last 6 months. Thats nearly a quarter of my previous body weight. Out of all my clothes I now only fit two pairs of pants, and a pair that fit 3.5 weeks ago do no longer.

Today I shrunk my new work jersey that i bought 3 weeks ago for $80. Now it doesn't fit either.

i suck.

archivist michelle

2006-06-06T16:59:00.000+12:00

I'm enjoying work. I mainly do photocopying, letter writing, and file retrieval, but i get my own desk and computer! And the desk is still tidy and its my third week... Wow! Its amazing what a good job can do for you!
I get to wear posh (expensive) clothing, which is still a novelty, although i'm sure that'll wear off soon! And i get to write letters on an official letterhead, and sign my name, and write "Archives Support Assistant" after my name!! I'm so posh!

I went home with Adam for the long weekend which was really cool, cos his family are great. Lots of food, and lots of sport, hehe. It was good to see the All Whites vs Brasil as well... We managed to hold our own pretty well, i thought.

Lots of birthdays are coming up soon! There's Ruth and Lani, and then Dave, and then its all go from there!

As you can tell I dont have a huge amount of stuff to say...

Jasmine's coming home soon!! Only 31 more days. Yay =)

Oh well, i'd better go home from work now... shouldn't look too eager to stay here all night!!

there has to be a catch!!!!!

2006-05-19T11:22:00.000+12:00

I'VE GOT A JOB!!!!

I start at Archives New Zealand on Monday morning!

yay =)

Thankyou God!

Being harassed on your blog?

2006-05-12T11:22:00.000+12:00

Just a note - If anyone is being harassed on their blogs, you can enable comment moderation. This means that any comments are sent to your email address where you can decide if you want them to appear on your blog or not. You enable this feature by going to "Posting", "moderate comments", then click 'yes' for "enable comment moderation"?

Awesome feature, and stops those unwanted comments!

Todays verse of the day:
Matthew 7.5
You Hypocrite! First remove the plank out of your own eye then you will be see clearly to remove the speck out of your brothers.

2006-05-10T12:05:00.000+12:00

RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm... that feels a lot better.

2006-05-10T11:32:00.000+12:00

looking for jobs is like ARGH. especially when you dont know what you're looking for. and no one seems to want to hire you anyway.
hello to discouragement, disillusionment, and dejection.

i dont want the perfect job, i just want something with my own desk, in central christchurch, with other people, and that i can use my brain in...
IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!?!?!

sigh.
back to my mindless, oos-inducing, solitary data entry.

2006-05-10T10:50:00.000+12:00

All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Just come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and the sorrow be washed away
in the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep

We sing, come lord Jesus come
come lord Jesus come
come lord Jesus come
come lord Jesus come

Won't you come
Won't you come

Nothing but your will for me
I am only free in you, God

(Kutless, All Who Are Thirsty)

i wish

2006-05-05T08:50:00.000+12:00

Have you ever wanted to be someone else
Have you ever wanted just to be someone
Have you ever wanted to reach your dreams
Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems
I have tasted of a love so wide
That it stops all my time
I have tasted of a love so deep
That it blows my mind
Have you ever wanted to reach up and touch the sky
Have you ever wanted to pack it up and say good-bye
Have you ever wanted someone to care
Have you ever wanted someone to be there
He is sweet, He is sweet
What your looking for
Is my sweet, sweet Jesus
What You're looking for
Is my sweet Lord

Shawn McDonald - Have You Ever

the lowlight of dorkiness

2006-05-05T08:48:00.000+12:00

is when you're skipping in your bedroom without a skipping rope because
a) you can't be assed going outside and
b) you haven't got a skipping rope anyway

the highlight of my day

2006-05-04T16:25:00.000+12:00

is perfect circles.

not perfect as in perfectly round, but that both ends meet and you can't tell where they meet.

when i enter books into the database i have to write in the cover the number of the book, and then circle it. Often the circles are particularly messy, but yesterday and today i have had a few almost-perfect circles, and some perfect ones.

oh joy! oh delight!

no no no!

2006-05-03T14:48:00.000+12:00

okay so i take that back....
i have hiccups again and peppermints ARE NOT HELPING!!

hic
hic
hic

they're so loud my boss can hear them from downstairs!!!

peppermint to the rescue

2006-05-03T12:45:00.000+12:00

I just had the hiccups for 1.5 hours!!! they were driving me nuts, and i was tossing up about drinking peppermint tea (we all know how i feel about that!) or getting a mint from the car. The car won easily and the hiccidyburps stopped about 5 minutes after starting to suck on my mint!! Yay for peppermints!!

In other news, i am no closer to getting a more "academic" job
I like Adam

hehe =)

wow... is that really me?

2006-04-28T15:42:00.000+12:00

Peppermint tea is gross. really gross.

i can't post about flatting, because flatmates have blogs
i can't post about work, because boss' son is in the circle
i work on a computer all day, and when I get home i'm too tired (or sick) to do anything.

gar.

what is this? a centre for ants?

Gimbus to the rescue

2006-04-03T15:39:00.000+12:00

I am a gimbus. I forgot to hire my regalia for graduation. Oopses. It closed on the 21st March.

However...

The nice ladies at University of Canterbury Graduate Women Federation (or whatever their name is) (i guess if you're going to blatantly plug you should get the name right...) are going to sort me out tomorrow.
Regalia is expensive!! Its costing me $85!!

make the days count

2006-03-17T13:14:00.000+13:00

Every day is a journal page
Every man holds a quill and ink
And there's plenty of room for writing in
All we do is believe and think
So will you compose a curse
Or will today bring the blessing
Fill the page with rhyming verse
Or some random sketching

Teach us to count the days
Teach us to make the days count
Lead us in better ways
That somehow our souls forgot
Life means so much
Life means so much
Life means so much

Every day is a bank account
And time is our currency
So nobody's rich, nobody's poor
We get 24 hours each
So how are you gonna spend
Will you invest, or squander
Try to get ahead
Or help someone who's under

Has anybody ever lived who knew the value of a life
And don't you think giving is all
What proves the worth of yours and mine

Every day is a gift you've been given
Make the most of the time every minute you're living
(From "Life Means So Much" by Chris Rice)

Yesterday my friend of 8 years, who I went to High School with hung himself.
I dont get it. I keep thinking its all a bad dream and i'm going to wake up tomorrow. You know in the Matrix where Switch is about to be killed and she says “not like this, not like this”, well that keeps running through my head…
Same old station, can’t change it.
It makes me think of the value of life. I’m so glad that when I tried to kill myself for the last time in 2000 that I didn’t succeed. Even when life doesn’t go well its still a gift that can be treasured. What friendships and restored family relationships would I have missed? I wouldn’t have been around to find the love of my life!
Such a waste.

Life means so much

Life means so much

drivel

2006-02-21T08:03:00.000+13:00

i like my job. except for the fact that i'm working upstairs and when its as hot as yesterday it gets REALLY hot. Oh well. My job canes any others i've had, so its all good!!

The sad thing about having a job is that I dont find much time to go on the internet and read others' blogs or post on my own. There are lots of thoughts I want to publish, but not really enough time in which to do so.

So this is really a token post for people like Cam who think i've stopped blogging.

not quite.

I'm hanging in there by a thread!!

Oh yeah - two cool books I've read/am reading: Disappointment with God by Philip Yancey, and Why Bother with Church by Simon Jones.

And another point of interest - last weekend I went Biking with Philippa, had a few hits at tennis with Adam, and went to the All Whites vs Malaysia. Apart from the lack of covered stand, and the extremely hot sun, twas fun =)

okay, thats enough posting now. dont want anyone to think i have spare time or anything!!

Hehe

2006-02-05T19:24:00.000+13:00

You scored as Anthropology. You should be an Anthropology major!

Anthropology

100%

Linguistics

100%

English

92%

Journalism

92%

Sociology

92%

Mathematics

75%

Psychology

58%

Engineering

58%

Biology

58%

Chemistry

50%

Theater

42%

Philosophy

42%

Dance

33%

Art

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

your local

2006-02-05T19:01:00.000+13:00

I had my last day of Nannying yesterday. Yay!! Now I'm working "fulltime" (32 hours a week) doing data entry at the Christian book shop. Its lovely and i'm enjoying it. I've only had 3 days so far, but its not as boring as everyone seems to think it will be. Not even close!!

I have also moved into my new flat... which is very new and different! (not the house, the experience i mean) (the sleepout is new, however, and not quite finished yet).

Adam is away on a Navs oversight team camp. Helen is away camping. I went to Ilam baptist this morning, and I saw Jazz this afternoon.

I think I am going to go now. Goodbye all =)

bending over backwards...

2006-01-31T18:04:00.000+13:00

Read this
I have been looking at a job application form to work with Identity Services New Zealand, as a citizenship officer.

This is part of the job description:
"Achieves Effectiveness for Māori
This describes working effectively with and for Māori colleagues, clients and stakeholders, to ensure their specific needs are identified and met, and to create a positive work environment for Māori. It relates to our Effectiveness for Māori (EfM) strategies, policies and guidelines and supports our vision to be recognised as an EfM leader in public service. Performance indicators: • Shows awareness of the implications of the Treaty of Waitangi; • Develops basic skill in Te Reo and Tikanga; • Shows understanding of issues for Māori in relation to the Treaty of Waitangi and government policy"

Why should I have to speak the Maori language to issue passports? Why shouldn't I have to speak Mandarin or Indian?

blah blah

2006-01-31T17:57:00.000+13:00

i am really sick and tired of nannying!! Anyway I have two more days of it, and then I can be free. Free from evil women on ACC who work me to the bone. Drive drive drive.

Oh how I love getting a lunch break. At my other job. You dont get lunch breaks doing nannying.

I am sick of getting up at 6.30 am, doing a gazillion jobs, cooking someone else's tea, making someone else's bed, changing someone else's baby, cleaning someone else's shower, cleaning up the kitchen after someone else makes a mess, and then going home to do all the same for yourself.

I have started working in a book shop doing data entry, and even though its tedious and slow, i'd rather be by myself and do that than be a nanny/housekeeper!!

I am veritably exhausted.

2006-01-28T14:02:00.000+13:00

I just realised yesterday why i dont like orange juice much.

because i dont like oranges.

the mystery is solved!!

2006-01-15T11:57:00.000+13:00

Ooh guess what?! I found THIS!!

It turns out that it had actually gotten stored at Breo's house, and they thought it was Esthers (who is in China), and Kelly was using it!! Hee hee!!

How funny =) Anyway now we are reunited!

two cents

2006-01-11T23:24:00.000+13:00

I am somewhat of a hypocrite. I have recently realised how easy it is to comment on other people's behaviour, yet when you are in a similar situation suddenly things are not so straightforward.

Last year (and I mean 2004) I had it all sorted. I was Miss Christian who went to an upright Pentecostal church, had God relatively figured out, prayed up a storm, and had quite fixed ideas on couples. Now things are topsy turvy.

I no longer attend church because I dont understand it. I have been to so many over the past year, and generally the people are not friendly, I do not often find the teaching very meaty, and on the whole, church has appeared to be a time where white middle class people gather together and sing. This sunday morning gathering is apparently the crux of the Christian faith. And because I question it, I am abnormal. Even my parents are concerned because I'm not "going to church on sundays".

In some ways I understand God far more than ever before, but with this understanding comes the realisation that there is far more I dont know. I know that God doesn't always heal sick people. That God does not always actively guide our paths, sometimes it doesn't matter what we do, as long as we are doing it to glorify God- it may not matter which country we go to, or which job we accept, if we do it faithfully trusting God and living in such a way that he would be glorified.

I dont often know what to pray anymore - if someone is sick, I know that a) God sometimes heals, and b) through suffering we learn perseverence, but which is more right? Should I pray, faithfully hoping, or be realistic? Do I pray with my old "father I lift up so-and-so to you" or "Lord we know that you have given us authority to trample on snakes and scorpions..." etc etc, or do I stumble along and say "i dont know what to pray, but Joe has pain and it would be nice if you could heal it, but if you can't, please teach Joe to be faithful, and to grow in his knowledge of You" because sometimes those sorts of prayers feel empty when all Joe really wants is to be cured.

And I used to quite happily spout my views on PDAs, kissing before engagement, and the appropriate length of time before marriage. Offering my two cents worth on anything I felt inclined to comment on. Now I know, from experience, that its not all so easy and black and white. Just to clear it up - I had previously decided that I was not going to kiss a boy until we were engaged, however after being in a relationship for a matter of time I realised that my reasons for the rule were case specific, and it didn't seem right to push my narrow reasoning upon someone else without discussing it. So we jointly decided to abandon the rule.
I have also been very guilty of commenting on other peoples decisions or actions when really it was not my place. I think that other people can do what they want to do and it is not my place to comment on it unless I have a very real concern that I wish to talk over with them. Hopefully I am not particularly guilty of this, but it is a pet hate of mine that people may talk behind someone's back about an area that they disapprove of, yet do not directly express their concern to that person. If its really that much of a concern then say something to the person, otherwise shut up about it.

Anyway I just felt like posting about the hypocrisy i see in my own life. Now that life is rather more grey for me, I see less need for the well-intentioned, but rather arrogant, vocalisations of people like me. I can now see the value in being in a similar situation to someone else before offering your two cents worth. Sometimes you dont know as much as you like to think you do.

a trip down memory lane

2006-01-11T23:03:00.000+13:00

Thoughts for the day - two boxing days in a row we had a "family row", and two christmases in a row I had a cold.

hey remember this? Well if you thought that was spooky (a guy from highschool asking me out 1.5 years later) I recently got an email from a boy I went to primary school and high school with, and haven't seen for 5.5 years. He was asking me to the movies to see Narnia, which I thought sounded a little suspicious, and when I told him I'd already been with my boyfriend he replied and said actually that's why I was emailing you, so i guess that's out of the question.

Was it really so uncommon for somebody to be nice to these boys that they mistook friendliness for something more? Imagine that - someone being so nice to you that five years later you track down their email address and ask them on a date.
I feel honoured, but sad.
And I hope I haven't broken their hearts too much.

i can afford to live!!!

2006-01-11T10:56:00.000+13:00

I begrudgingly swallowed my pride and went in to Work and Income last friday to see if i was eligible for the unemployment benefit. I haven't received a letter from them yet, but I only today checked my bank account, and it turns out they like me. I have money! I can pay my rent! i can afford to buy a new t-shirt! (isn't it funny how last years ones look funny now?) (or you think 'why did i ever buy that?')

Thats a huge weight off my chest! And if I'm careful, I may even be able to afford the money killer in a few weeks - two weeks of double rent plus bond.

I even paid my rent a day in advance.....

yay =)

please feel free to bask in my glow...

2006-01-05T11:23:00.000+13:00

Things that I have been doing lately:
-I got some really awesome christmas presents - money for a dictionary, the Madagascar DVD, a telescope (awesome!!) and a Bill Bryson book (both from Adam) (what a guy!), a giant bath towel of doom, and a ceramic hair straightener.
-Adam and I watched Madagascar
-For New Years eve, Adam and I watched The Emperors New Groove, and I fell asleep (spot the grandma)
-Adam and I watched Madagascar
-Andy and Merodie came over to Adam's place and we watched Hitch. It lived up to all my expectations and more! Then we watched some of Madagascar but got too tired, so Merodie and I went home.
-Adam and I watched the Bourne Identity
-Adam and I watched Strange Bedfellows, starring Paul Hogan and the guy from the Castle.
-Ray, Helen and I watched Charade, with Audrey Hepburn and Cary Grant.
-I went and had coffee with my Aunty who was over from Aussie for Christmas. We went to Esquires, which was pricey, but had good coffee and comfy armchairs.
-Adam and I watched Madagascar (Sensing a theme?)
-Adam and I went to Hanmer. That was only the second time i've been in the hot pools!
-Adam made me a CD of my favourite Madagascar quotes
-Looked at the craters on the moon with my telescope!
-Went to the cricket (NZ vs. Sri Lanka) with Adam, saw Ruth and Ray, some guys from high school, and sat with Luuk and Mark for some of the game.

Things I'm going to do:
-Watch Madagascar
-Have tea with Heln
-See Christina
-Apply for some jobs
-Go to WINZ
-See the specialist about my nose polyps
etc etc

oh shutup already, you're so annoying!!

the best dictionary in the world

2006-01-05T10:22:00.000+13:00

Alright, I know some of you have been dying of curiosity to know about my new dictionary. Well today is your lucky day!

I am a geek, and I love dictionaries. I love sitting and browsing through them. For Christmas I got some whitcoulls vouchers, and so off I went to buy the dictionary of awesomeness. Now I am usually an OED person, rather than a Collins, but the Collins ones were silver and pretty, and there were many varieties to choose from. The Oxford ones were more pricey and there wasn't such a big selection. Then I found it, my beloved dictionary. Its a Penguin, and is chunky and white. It has over 1600 pages of words, happy words. It has definitions for weblog and gutted, has suggested pronounciation, word origins, and even quotes from famous authors. For $40 I am very happy. So happy that I sometimes sit down and just look up words to see what my lovely new dictionary says about them.

=)

love

2005-12-31T11:10:00.000+13:00

I think I am turning into AJ. I keep finding myself in love with inanimate objects. I love my bookcase. I love my laptop. And now I love my new dictionary.

I will tell you about it later. Right now i am busy staring adoringly at it.